My ex (of 2.5 years) messages me after almost 1 year (dating, long distance, guys)
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08/2013: It wasn't the first time he reached out to me. We never officially broke up. One day, he was angry with me because I left him to go home (I need to wake up really early for work and he was almost 30 mins, 1 hour late) since he said it took him a long time on the subway. So he asked to take a break. This was in late August 2013.
09/2013: He called me about 3 weeks later and we just talked and cried. I was disappointed in him saying how he wasn't there for me when I was going through a tough time and he only wanted me when I was fun and now he missed my companionship. I also said he wasn't who I thought he was and I wasted my time for 2 years and a half. He cried and said sorry he couldn't be there for me. I hang up.
10/2013: He called me again on my birthday and a week after that since I didn't pick up. I never answered.
12/2013: Around late December 2013, he emailed me saying he wanted to keep in touch. I didn't reply until January since I started missing him.
3/2014: He asked to come to my apartment to return my luggage. I lived in the NYC while he lived Upstate so we never saw or bumped into each other. He came and I didn't engage in normal conversation at all, just ignoring him and answered reluctantly. He added me on FB later and then asked me other questions about my work on FB.
5/2014: He congratulated me on one of my achievements at work. I sent him a quote saying how someone will never if another person wasn't there for you when you needed him the most. He tried calling me but I didn't pick up. He tried my sister and she said he wanted to speak with me.
06/2014: He reached out to my sister - they were quite close while I was dating him - asking whether I and my sister wanted to fly down South to the city he was living in for 7/4.
07/2014: He message me again on FB saying that the time he spent with me was one of the best times in his life and he always appreciated it. He even called me the way he used to call me when we were together. I just replied saying that it was good to know and thanked him for telling me.
I am sorry for the montage of information, but recently, only recently did I start thinking about him more and what went wrong. We took a break, and never sat down to speak about officially breaking up or even tried to resolve our differences.
I was and am sad and hurt - since we were together for 2.5 years and he just refused to be next to me when I was weak. I was at fault too since I left home without meeting up with and was angry with him for being late when it took him an hour on the subway.
What do you guys think? Does this mean he misses me and wants to get back? He said he wanted to remain in touch and continue as friends several times when he reached out.
I am confused at the moment since it has been over one year. But sometimes when thinking about it I was just hurt since he was going through a good time and just decided to leave, taking a break when I was having not an easy time. But to be honest, I was not treating him properly, getting angry easily when he was late and asking him to return my shoes and clothes. Who is more at fault here?
Or should I forget about this since if he did love me, he would have done something like properly apologizing or tried to win back my heart right?
08/2013: It wasn't the first time he reached out to me. We never officially broke up. One day, he was angry with me because I left him to go home (I need to wake up really early for work and he was almost 30 mins, 1 hour late) since he said it took him a long time on the subway. So he asked to take a break. This was in late August 2013.
09/2013: He called me about 3 weeks later and we just talked and cried. I was disappointed in him saying how he wasn't there for me when I was going through a tough time and he only wanted me when I was fun and now he missed my companionship. I also said he wasn't who I thought he was and I wasted my time for 2 years and a half. He cried and said sorry he couldn't be there for me. I hang up.
10/2013: He called me again on my birthday and a week after that since I didn't pick up. I never answered.
12/2013: Around late December 2013, he emailed me saying he wanted to keep in touch. I didn't reply until January since I started missing him.
3/2014: He asked to come to my apartment to return my luggage. I lived in the NYC while he lived Upstate so we never saw or bumped into each other. He came and I didn't engage in normal conversation at all, just ignoring him and answered reluctantly. He added me on FB later and then asked me other questions about my work on FB.
5/2014: He congratulated me on one of my achievements at work. I sent him a quote saying how someone will never if another person wasn't there for you when you needed him the most. He tried calling me but I didn't pick up. He tried my sister and she said he wanted to speak with me.
06/2014: He reached out to my sister - they were quite close while I was dating him - asking whether I and my sister wanted to fly down South to the city he was living in for 7/4.
07/2014: He message me again on FB saying that the time he spent with me was one of the best times in his life and he always appreciated it. He even called me the way he used to call me when we were together. I just replied saying that it was good to know and thanked him for telling me.
I am sorry for the montage of information, but recently, only recently did I start thinking about him more and what went wrong. We took a break, and never sat down to speak about officially breaking up or even tried to resolve our differences.
I was and am sad and hurt - since we were together for 2.5 years and he just refused to be next to me when I was weak.
And yet you've rebuffed every attempt he has made to be supportive and try to build a rapport with you since. Would you like an engraved invitation? Perhaps a pint of blood and his eye teeth? Are you waiting to get hit by a truck to see if he's there for you in a crisis?
He refused to be next to you when you were weak, yet you refuse to be next to him UNLESS you are weak, whatever that means. You don't say what crisis you were going through that you needed him so much.
I would tell you to do him a favor and give him closure, but if he's smart, he's about to disappear from your life entirely on his own.
08/2013: It wasn't the first time he reached out to me. We never officially broke up. One day, he was angry with me because I left him to go home (I need to wake up really early for work and he was almost 30 mins, 1 hour late) since he said it took him a long time on the subway. So he asked to take a break. This was in late August 2013.
09/2013: He called me about 3 weeks later and we just talked and cried. I was disappointed in him saying how he wasn't there for me when I was going through a tough time and he only wanted me when I was fun and now he missed my companionship. I also said he wasn't who I thought he was and I wasted my time for 2 years and a half. He cried and said sorry he couldn't be there for me. I hang up.
10/2013: He called me again on my birthday and a week after that since I didn't pick up. I never answered.
12/2013: Around late December 2013, he emailed me saying he wanted to keep in touch. I didn't reply until January since I started missing him.
3/2014: He asked to come to my apartment to return my luggage. I lived in the NYC while he lived Upstate so we never saw or bumped into each other. He came and I didn't engage in normal conversation at all, just ignoring him and answered reluctantly. He added me on FB later and then asked me other questions about my work on FB.
5/2014: He congratulated me on one of my achievements at work. I sent him a quote saying how someone will never if another person wasn't there for you when you needed him the most. He tried calling me but I didn't pick up. He tried my sister and she said he wanted to speak with me.
06/2014: He reached out to my sister - they were quite close while I was dating him - asking whether I and my sister wanted to fly down South to the city he was living in for 7/4.
07/2014: He message me again on FB saying that the time he spent with me was one of the best times in his life and he always appreciated it. He even called me the way he used to call me when we were together. I just replied saying that it was good to know and thanked him for telling me.
I am sorry for the montage of information, but recently, only recently did I start thinking about him more and what went wrong. We took a break, and never sat down to speak about officially breaking up or even tried to resolve our differences.
I was and am sad and hurt - since we were together for 2.5 years and he just refused to be next to me when I was weak. I was at fault too since I left home without meeting up with and was angry with him for being late when it took him an hour on the subway.
What do you guys think? Does this mean he misses me and wants to get back? He said he wanted to remain in touch and continue as friends several times when he reached out.
I am confused at the moment since it has been over one year. But sometimes when thinking about it I was just hurt since he was going through a good time and just decided to leave, taking a break when I was having not an easy time. But to be honest, I was not treating him properly, getting angry easily when he was late and asking him to return my shoes and clothes. Who is more at fault here?
Or should I forget about this since if he did love me, he would have done something like properly apologizing or tried to win back my heart right?
I am so confused. The beginning of your OP you said you went home because you had to get up early and your bf was 90 minutes late because of the subway. The rest of your OP you keep referencing about being weak.
What exactly did you want him to do? When he called you 3 weeks later in September, you said that he said he was sorry. Then you list this timeline of calls and emails and yet you're saying he would have "properly apologized" or tried to win back your heart? Sounds like YOU should be apologizing to HIM.
I believed that I did refuse to respond positively back to him, this was all because I was still HURT by the incident.
I didn't go through a major crisis, but it was a tough time - I started working and barely slept. The office politics was getting on my nerves. My sister was going through depression and I needed to support myself and her - so I easily lost temper with him.
I was just disappointed that he knew I was having a hard time. He just got a full time offer and I was the one helping him getting the internship in the first place. I am not complaining that I helped him but that I supported him and he was having a time of his life just enjoying his senior year without having to worry about employment. I, on the other hand, was dealing with both stressful work and a depressed sister.
Furthermore, he never once explicitly said he wanted to get back together.
The first phone call, 3 weeks in September, he was just saying sorry that he wasn't strong enough to be there and go through with me. That is why I think he was just saying that: "I still love you but I couldn't handle being there".
Or should I forget about this since if he did love me, he would have done something like properly apologizing or tried to win back my heart right?
He's been trying to talk to you for a year and you won't take his calls. Now suddenly you want to talk to him? If I were him, I'd would have stopped trying a year ago.
Furthermore, he never once explicitly said he wanted to get back together.
The first phone call, 3 weeks in September, he was just saying sorry that he wasn't strong enough to be there and go through with me. That is why I think he was just saying that: "I still love you but I couldn't handle being there".
Being there through what? A stressful job and a depressed sister? What is there to "be through" with that? Everyone's job is stressful. I can understand your concern over a depressed sister, but by the same token, unless she slit her wrists and was lying in an hospital under suicide watch, there's only so much YOU can do. I dealt with that with my own sister: She was depressed, but there was no point in my eating myself alive over it when she was the only one who could do something about it. There was nothing to support me about with that.
I'm only going by what you write, but I'm getting the impression that you might be a bit high-maintenance, and I'm wondering if you weren't perhaps leaning on him too much for things that happen in everyone's lives at one point or another that, when you get right down to it, are small potatoes. If you got diagnosed with cancer and then he left you, that would be one thing. But everything else is just the stuff of life.
Nah, I am not high-maintenance at all, probably very independent and I support myself.
With the sister, I and my sister shared a room and it was very small, so fights broke out alot between the 3 of us. As for her illness, I supported her by trying to stay very calm and encourage her, which wasn't easy at all considering I have few hours of sleep a day and her yelling and screaming every night.
As about supporting, probably just mentally and being there instead of leaving when he knew I was going through a tough time? We were in long distance for 2.5 years anyway so it just the mental, not physical support.
Furthermore, he never once explicitly said he wanted to get back together.
The first phone call, 3 weeks in September, he was just saying sorry that he wasn't strong enough to be there and go through with me. That is why I think he was just saying that: "I still love you but I couldn't handle being there".
He probably got the impression that you didn't want to get back together since you weren't responding back to him and when you did respond back you seemed distant.
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