Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
How do you split chores and finances when one person owns the house?
Does the homeowner just pay for and handle the bulk of everything because it’s their home? Or does the non homeowner contribute equally or pay rent?
How are chores decided?
Is it normal that the non owner feels not invested into the home?
Assuming that this is your fiance of whom you're speaking, since he's to be your husband, there surely is a way that you can split household duties and finances in a way that's somewhat equitable to both of you.
From my own experience when I moved in with my now-former spouse after we'd become engaged then later married, I moved into a house that he'd built as an investment property when we were still just friends, so the house was solely in his name. He paid the mortgage; I paid the property taxes and all operating expenses (utilities and most groceries).
So far as housework went, we never had a discussion about it as things naturally seemed to fall into place when it came to house and yard care. We'd both been single and running our own individual households for years before we moved in together, so we were equally good at running a household, although we had our preferred tasks. For example, he preferred to mow and trim the lawn, while I preferred to care for the garden and flower beds. I did most of the laundry, ironing, cooking and car care, while he'd do the vacuuming, help to clean up after meals, and give the bathrooms a once over. We changed the bed(s) and kept the house picked up together.
I felt just as invested in that house as I did in the house that we later bought together as our joint efforts made the household run smoothly.
If that person is your spouse, it’s his home too. You split the bills or pay for everything out of a joint account. If it’s a boyfriend, you ask them to pay you a fair share to help cover the mortgage and utilities. You pay for repairs and improvements.
Chores? Hopefully you’re living with an adult who knows how to behave like one.
Assuming that this is your fiance of whom you're speaking, since he's to be your husband, there surely is a way that you can split household duties and finances in a way that's somewhat equitable to both of you.
From my own experience when I moved in with my now-former spouse after we'd become engaged then later married, I moved into a house that he'd built as an investment property when we were still just friends, so the house was solely in his name. He paid the mortgage; I paid the property taxes and all operating expenses (utilities and most groceries).
So far as housework went, we never had a discussion about it as things naturally seemed to fall into place when it came to house and yard care. We'd both been single and running our own individual households for years before we moved in together, so we were equally good at running a household, although we had our preferred tasks. For example, he preferred to mow and trim the lawn, while I preferred to care for the garden and flower beds. I did most of the laundry, ironing, cooking and car care, while he'd do the vacuuming, help to clean up after meals, and give the bathrooms a once over. We changed the bed(s) and kept the house picked up together.
I felt just as invested in that house as I did in the house that we later bought together as our joint efforts made the household run smoothly.
Husband or fiancé for purpose of the discussion. Did you ever feel like you weren’t benefiting from the investment of the house? To be fair, the house is part of a trust and if something happens to me, my children inherit everything eventually. The trust manages it until they are post college age.
If that person is your spouse, it’s his home too. You split the bills or pay for everything out of a joint account. If it’s a boyfriend, you ask them to pay you a fair share to help cover the mortgage and utilities. You pay for repairs and improvements.
Chores? Hopefully you’re living with an adult who knows how to behav like one.
What if joint accounts aren’t used? Which based on many conversations, my attorney states they are a terrible idea for people with assets. If two people are starting life with nothing, building wealth together that’s totally different.
You can set up a joint account just to pay household bills. It would seem to fair to split all utility bills & groceries, as you both use them. Repairs go to home owner. Everyone needs to do household chores.
Did you ever feel like you weren’t benefiting from the investment of the house? To be fair, the house is part of a trust and if something happens to me, my children inherit everything eventually. The trust manages it until they are post college age.
Never did I feel like I wasn't benefitting from the investment of the house. What we did together on that house was in investment in *our* future and that of any children that we might have had.
The house that I moved into was my ex's third house, I was around in a friendship capacity when it was being built and some of the furniture was purchased, so perhaps that made a difference, too. Also, when we were married, we finished up a lot of the detail work on the house together, so it was very obviously our house and not just his house into which I'd moved. The dining room in its completed state was done especially for me by my ex as part of his wedding gift to me, which meant a lot and helped me to bond with the house, so to speak. (My "old room in a new house" as my ex put it.)
When the decision was made to put the house on the market during the height of the recession, it was a joint decision. When the house was sold, both my former spouse and I had to sign off on the paperwork even though the house's mortgage was not in my name, but spouse's. (I don't recall if this was a state or a federal requirement, but I do remember that it was a bit of a surprise to me. I'd have to look through the paperwork regarding that property to be sure.) We both benefitted from the equity in that house when we bought and sold the following property (as a matter of fact, some of that same equity is now in the house that I bought for myself post-divorce), so it's fair to say that I personally benefitted from all of my former spouse's housing investments and not just the house that I moved into after we'd become engaged.
Your situation is very different in that your fiance/husband will receive zilch from the house should he move, you divorce, or you die. I'd be far more hesitant to invest much into that house beyond paying for utilities and helping out with chores as a member of the household if I were in your fiance's shoes as he doesn't financially benefit from any improvements to the house that you own.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 01-31-2021 at 01:10 PM..
I don't quite understand. Are you saying, that you're engaged to be married to a guy who doesn't do chores, or quibbles about them, or doesn't step up to do his share? Do you really want to be married to that kind of guy?
I can see not contributing to home improvement projects, given that you don't actually own the home, the trust does. But not doing ordinary chores is a different matter.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-31-2021 at 01:04 PM..
What if joint accounts aren’t used? Which based on many conversations, my attorney states they are a terrible idea for people with assets. If two people are starting life with nothing, building wealth together that’s totally different.
Aside from a joint savings account that we opened using money that we received as wedding gifts, my former spouse and I did not share bank accounts. It was just easier for us to keep everything as they were prior to marriage as we had our banking preferences. We both fed the joint account.
What we did have was transparency when it came to finances from the very beginning. I managed our household accounts from my own account; the mortgage was paid automatically from his. I did all filing and shredding, so I was fully aware of what was and wasn't in my spouse's accounts. Any large purchases we generally made together or at least discussed beforehand. We had similar views about money and money management, so this was never a sticking point for us.
What if joint accounts aren’t used? Which based on many conversations, my attorney states they are a terrible idea for people with assets. If two people are starting life with nothing, building wealth together that’s totally different.
Well, split some of the bills then. You don’t need joint accounts.
The house will never be his, nor will he benefit from investing in it. I see his point. Does he have a home of his own elsewhere? Could the two of you invest in another property you could rent and share in the equity if you sell it? That way he can say he has a say in something. You still have time to build wealth together.
Iron it out with your attorneys so his share doesn’t go to your kids, when they come of age.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
