Should I just give up and stay single . I am 39 years old? (dating, wife)
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There is a side of me that totally is contemplating of just staying single the rest of my life. It is rough now that I am a year away from turning 40. A lot of people around my age and years younger are happily married with small children and here I have nothing. I was in a relationship that almost led to an engagement 4 years ago. But it didn't workout am I too old since I am a year away from 40? What sucks is my mom talks to her friends who are grandmothers already and she tells them of how lucky they are to have small grandchildren and that she has and never will have any grandchildren. I tell my mom that not to say stuff like that and that it isn't the end of the world. And she tells me that I am almost 40 and I don't have anyone yet. That tends to upset me more because it is so tough to find someone to date. It is just like I am thinking she is right that pretty much everyone younger than me has settled down. The only thing I have going for me is that I have a rewarding career and have a nice house and car that I worked for? I am thinking that is nothing that I have a rewarding career because I am still in competition with younger guys who are having rewarding careers also and have a family. It just makes more depressed when I see younger families all happy together to do family events and here I have nothing. I enjoy going for shows at the theater or attending sporting events. I don't know anymore. Is it too late for me? Please hel with your comments because I don't feel to happy about this once in a while
I don't think you are to old to consider dating. I have a date with a 36 year old woman Friday who has no children, but wants them. We aren't to far off from your age. I have a 3 year old daughter, and an older son, who is 10.
As you're a man, its not to late, and many 30 something women look for 40 year old men who look decent, have a good career, and have themselves together.
You can also consider adoption, if you don't want the diaper situation. I was 23 when I became a father the first time. I was 31 when I had my second.
I don't know what you look like, but if your hair is gone, shave your head, hit a gym, start working out. Save your money, and start looking or 31-39 year old women. Have a child if thats what you want to do with the remainder of your life. If you stay fit, you'll live a good long time and enjoy that kid. After they are 5 anyway, they are mostly self sufficient anyway.
There is a side of me that totally is contemplating of just staying single the rest of my life. It is rough now that I am a year away from turning 40. A lot of people around my age and years younger are happily married with small children and here I have nothing. I was in a relationship that almost led to an engagement 4 years ago. But it didn't workout am I too old since I am a year away from 40? What sucks is my mom talks to her friends who are grandmothers already and she tells them of how lucky they are to have small grandchildren and that she has and never will have any grandchildren. I tell my mom that not to say stuff like that and that it isn't the end of the world. And she tells me that I am almost 40 and I don't have anyone yet. That tends to upset me more because it is so tough to find someone to date. It is just like I am thinking she is right that pretty much everyone younger than me has settled down. The only thing I have going for me is that I have a rewarding career and have a nice house and car that I worked for? I am thinking that is nothing that I have a rewarding career because I am still in competition with younger guys who are having rewarding careers also and have a family. It just makes more depressed when I see younger families all happy together to do family events and here I have nothing. I enjoy going for shows at the theater or attending sporting events. I don't know anymore. Is it too late for me? Please hel with your comments because I don't feel to happy about this once in a while
It's not too late if you're a man. I know a guy who's almost 50 and about to have his first child.
No it's not the end of the world. If it makes you feel any better, I'm 8 years older than you and never been married. But then again, I've never been a herd follower doing things to please other people. You need to tell your mother to mind her own business and let you live your life. Your existence here is not to make her a grandparent. My advice to you is to continue to do the things you enjoy and don't let others bring you down. Quit worrying about what other people think of you. You have a lot going for you. Take some trips overseas, find a new hobby. That will be less time you dwell on this and who knows, you might even meet someone.
According to one poster recently, OLD sites seem to be brimming with older women looking to get hitched. Have you tried those yet?
I wouldn't put much stock in what your mother is telling you. I think that's what all mothers think, particularly if they are "old school". Fortunately for me, my younger sister took off any pressure from me to have kids when she gave birth to my niece. But at the end of the day, who cares.
Personally, I don't think you're ever too old to find someone. I'm 10 years younger than you and I'm fretting my relationship status as well. I have what I consider to be a decent career, I'm college-educated, I take care of myself, I'm amicable...the list goes on. You may think you're doing all the right things, but somehow it's just not working out. Honestly, I wish I had something better to tell you. I guess the best thing you can do is keep putting yourself out there and hope something catches on.
I don't get women, and who knows if I ever will. They say they want certain things. You try to offer these things and more, and you get rejected, or worse, aren't even given the chance. I always thought I was decent looking, had a little charisma. I have guy friends and lady friends who think I'm great. So I don't know what I'm doing wrong. And that's why I can't offer you much more in the form of advice. I can only offer you encouragement at this point. Keep trying. At least in other aspects in my life, I've found that if you try hard enough, you usually accomplish the goals you set out to accomplish.
The first question is WHY does it bother you so much?
For a second forget about all the comments people have made about your situation, forget about everyone else who has a family and is married, and forget about it being the "norm" and really ask yourself....are you really unhappy with where you are in life because other people say so or is that genuinely how you feel?
I am asking because you seem to be looking at what everyone else has, and comparing yourself to them when there really is no need to. Instead of looking and being happy with what you have now. Also the comments from your mom really don't help. Not everyone's "destiny" is to have kids or get married, even though our society tries so hard to drill it into our heads that it's the norm.
But as far as your first question on whether you are too old to date or marry....no you are not.
Not everyone's "destiny" is to have kids or get married, even though our society tries so hard to drill it into our heads that it's the norm.
Sometimes it's not about societal pressure at all. People have been hitching up, if you will, for thousands and thousands of year. So, in a sense, it's biology that drives these desires within us. Some people just don't like the idea of being alone. And when something feels like it's out of your control, it's not only extremely frustrating, but also depressing.
Sometimes it's not about societal pressure at all. People have been hitching up, if you will, for thousands and thousands of year. So, in a sense, it's biology that drives these desires within us. Some people just don't like the idea of being alone. And when something feels like it's out of your control, it's not only extremely frustrating, but also depressing.
In some cases societal pressure isn't the cause. I agree that is every true.
But in this case that seems to be the main issue the OP is dealing with. All he mentions is how people have been talking about this and that, and looking at what everyone else has. I just believe if he was happier with where he was and who he is as a person it wouldn't bug him THIS much. Yes I know just about everyone wants to love and be loved, and I do agree it can be depressing, but it's not the end all be all of your existence.
I think you should remain single, just wait a few more years and you will be glad you stayed single, you will get over it, I know how you must feel, it kind of makes you fell like your missing out when you see young families out having fun together
it may look nice from your point of view, but I heard marriage is not as fun and easy as it looks, you will put yourself in a position to be financially responsible, you will likely be in debt and have more bills to pay, you wont have the go anywhere, do anything freedom you have right now
I really think a person can have a very enjoyable life without a wife & kids to support, just because all your friends did it doesnt mean you have to do it
Ive had friends try to tell me I should get married too like them, and those friends have all been through at least three or four marriages & divorces with kids, it doesnt sound too glamorous to me?
also watch out for ladies looking for a man to support them, a lot of the older ladies have been though marriages / divorces by the time they get to age 40
I know a guy that got divorced and remarried within a year to the first person that came along, and his life has been nothing buy problems now, his new wife has numerous medical problems, is an alcoholic, and suffers from anxiety & depression, and he has to pay for all her expensive medical bills, a real nightmare! I feel sorry for the guy
many people tell me if you make it over 30 without getting married your better off staying single anyways, marriage is no picnic, it's a risky thing to do these days, also remember that over 50% of marriages never work, so your chances on divorce is high, it's just not worth the risk, unless you want to end up like one of those guys that loses 50% of his assets and pays child support, dont let yourself get into that mess, better to stay single.
Last edited by green papaya; 10-09-2014 at 02:09 PM..
Didn't we have this "Is it too late for me, I'm almost 40" topic a couple of days ago?
It's never too late. And there are lots of single women in their 30's and early 40's still looking. But they won't be into you if you're all depressed about your life. Your 'tude may turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy if you're not careful. Try something new in your life. Go to some meetups (rumor has it the guy/girl ratio is favorable for guys your age at those things), check out some new hobbies or take a couple of cooking classes (usually all women), think of activities that attract women, and go there.
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