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Old 10-14-2014, 08:27 PM
 
Location: all over the place (figuratively)
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I'm not playing that game, just as I don't bother with people who demand more and more "proof" of climate change. Reasonable people can do their own research and make reasonable conclusions. At least this isn't Japan, where there's such an epidemic of unattached singles that it's well-documented.

I'll just post this for the benefit of anyone worthy of my time, which I saw when I was Googling. It's NYC-specific and interesting.
The Single Files
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Old 10-14-2014, 08:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen View Post
Not that I should have to post something that's been posted, but one example...
The United States of unmarried adults | MSNBC

There's also a UK version.

I've seen credible surveys (e.g., not CD polls) that many people haven't even been on dates, physically intimate, or whatever in the past year. None of this should surprise anyone who reads online forums or knows many singles.
Why is not being married by 25 a "big problem"? That's a good sign. People aren't rushing into marriage too young, anymore. They're taking time to mature. They're taking time to complete their educations and get established in a career. Women are postponing marriage because education and careers are wide open to them now. This isn't something to be alarmed about. This is progress. The article compares the stats with 1960, but who wants to go back to 1960, as if things were better then?
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Old 10-14-2014, 08:42 PM
 
Location: all over the place (figuratively)
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Never-married at 25 or older. Including probably millions of people who are years or decades past 25, when it's definitely an unhappy thing for a at least a moderate percentage of them. Because, as it also says, most people still want to get married. (Wish list: a survey that asks not-so-young never-married people whether they want to be married.)
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Old 10-14-2014, 08:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen View Post
Never-married at 25 or older. Including probably millions of people who are years or decades past 25, when it's definitely an unhappy thing for a at least a moderate percentage of them. Because, as it also says, most people still want to get married. (Wish list: a survey that asks not-so-young never-married people whether they want to be married.)
Your own article states that less than a third of singles in NY are unhappy about it. Face it. Most people are single because they want to be.

Quote:
Only a third of those surveyed (31 percent) said they were looking for a serious relationship; another third (38 percent) said they were happily single and dating. More than a quarter of the unattached said they were either not dating at all (22 percent) or panicked about their prospects (4 percent).
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Old 10-14-2014, 08:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen View Post
Never-married at 25 or older. Including probably millions of people who are years or decades past 25, when it's definitely an unhappy thing for a at least a moderate percentage of them. Because, as it also says, most people still want to get married. (Wish list: a survey that asks not-so-young never-married people whether they want to be married.)
My point was that they started the survey at too young an age. Comparing from 30+ would have made more sense, if one were trying to support the idea that there was "a big problem".

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Old 10-14-2014, 09:06 PM
 
Location: all over the place (figuratively)
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Even it's just 30% of never-married singles over 25 who are unhappy about it (and the numbers are very fuzzy and many divorced people are unhappy about being single), that is a big problem. That's millions of people. Arguing against that is like saying the rising suicide rate (at least slightly related, I'm sure) isn't a big deal because only a small percentage of the population commits suicide. I am all for even informal research, like polls here. (Example: a happiness level poll for older singles.) But I don't think only disgruntled males should be asking the questions. The disturbing trends discussed here daily are too easily dismissed as loser males' imaginations.
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Old 10-14-2014, 09:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen View Post
Even it's just 30% of never-married singles over 25 who are unhappy about it (and the numbers are very fuzzy and many divorced people are unhappy about being single), that is a big problem. That's millions of people. Arguing against that is like saying the rising suicide rate (at least slightly related, I'm sure) isn't a big deal because only a small percentage of the population commits suicide. I am all for even informal research, like polls here. (Example: a happiness level poll for older singles.) But I don't think only disgruntled males should be asking the questions. The disturbing trends discussed here daily are too easily dismissed as loser males' imaginations.
I'm still not getting what's "disturbing" about it. There have always been unhappy singles. There have always been happy singles. Are you unconcerned about the unhappy marrieds? Lots of people are living lives of quiet desperation within marriage.

I'm not getting your drift. Did you want to lobby for a government program to assign all singles to a matchmaker in their region?


Quote:
Originally Posted by goodheathen;
The dating scene is a disaster. If there were a random telephone survey asking that, many respondents would agree. People who personally are satisfied - good for them - but the situation is toxic for society and it's time for that to be acknowledged on the forum.
What do you mean, it's a disaster? What's toxic about it? Much less, "toxic for society"? What alternative/s do you propose?

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Old 10-14-2014, 09:38 PM
 
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Everyone I know who got married in their early 20's was divorced by their early 30's. I hardly think "unmarried at 25" is the kiss of death in the dating world. Maybe in 1950, but not today.
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Old 10-14-2014, 09:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidRudisha View Post
(1) Fewer attractive people.

This is mainly due to obesity, prevalence of tattoos, higher rates of severe acne and baldness, just to name a few reasons. It results in more competiton for the limited number of attractive people of both sexes.

(2) Busier, complicated, isolated world.

It's harder to meet people.

(3) Feminism.

Women are outpacing men, but still want men who are more successful than they are.

(4) Hookup culture.

More people are not long-term relationship material due to STDs and the fact that guys eschew promiscuous women as relationship partners.

(5) Messaging.

With text /Facebook/whatever messaging as a primary means of comunication, there is so much gamesmanship, feigning disinterest, misinterpretation, etc.
1. I don't believe there are fewer attractive people. There's no shortage anywhere, where I've lived, at least.

2. This is true. People tend to isolate more. Fewer people have a good social support network. On the other hand, things like Meetup help counterbalance the isolationist tendencies, so maybe it all balances out.

3. Feminism means women are more free to hang out with men and come and go as they please. This is good for dudes, and good for society as a whole, when women are independent agents and are their own bosses. It means they're more free to socialize than before. They're more accessible to men. No complaints there.

4. Dudes usually see this as a good thing. Some women do, too. Others don't. So the jury is out. But the fact is that no one is required to participate in the hookup culture. We all have choices. If you don't like it, look for other people like yourself who aren't into it. They're definitely out there. You just have to figure out how/where to find 'em.

5. Messaging--again, nobody's holding a gun to your head. You don't have to participate. Nobody's forcing you to carry an iphone. Opt out, if you don't like it.


I see nothing "toxic" or potentially "disastrous" in any of this. Your life is yours to live as you want. Nobody can force you to be a part of anything you don't like. Think outside the box. Get creative with your life.
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Old 10-14-2014, 09:53 PM
 
Location: all over the place (figuratively)
6,611 posts, read 4,848,607 times
Reputation: 3596
Honestly I barely care about the happiness of married people, though I have more specific ideas for preventing bad marriages than for helping singles. There are just too many (unattached) singles, far more than decades ago. I believe (based on limited evidence) that - the unhappy singles, surely a sizable percentage of singles - costs society greatly re work productivity and unhealthy behaviors (such as alcoholism and overeating) that eventually directly burden the healthcare system. I don't have solutions, other than trying harder to fight obesity and maybe complaints en masse to the government about deceptive/illegal practices by dating websites (bad OLD experiences make some people give up entirely, and I suppose dating fraud hurts the economy). That said, if people would just acknowledge how hard modern dating is for many or most folks, that would be better psychologically for males than the "I'm a loser" message that they often internalize and less embittering toward the opposite sex. As with probably any major social issue, there's little hope unless people start agreeing and working together.

Last edited by goodheathen; 10-14-2014 at 10:14 PM..
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