Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Maybe she's picking the wrong dudes. Maybe she's getting into relationships with people she shouldn't be, just because they're there and willing, and she wants a relationship. Or maybe there's a sexual issue?
Definitely the wrong people! She meets them the old fashioned way, and has no trouble finding guys that want to date her, they just don't seem to want to stick around
I've encouraged her to try OLD, but she won't do it. Too much like a job interview and she can't handle the pressure or the process.
I don't know where you live OP, but being single at your age is quite normal in the SF Bay Area. I don't think anyone sits around and wonders why as much around here. Just keep a positive attitude and you will meet someone great.
I'm in Chicago. Been here 2 years. Lived in Atlanta 12 years prior to here.
On the presumption that you may be what is called "asexual" (which may or may not be true, as I don't know you personally nor your life story), I'll post here, in a edited form, what I posted to someone else on C-D in the past about this matter. If I am incorrect in presuming that you are or may be an "asexual" in your basic nature, then you have my apologies for my presumption:
It may be the case that you are what is called an "asexual" (a person who has lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent sexual activity . . . in other words, one who has no INNATE sexual feelings or desires). If this is, in fact, an accurate summation of your true sexual orientation or nature:
There are online communities of asexuals and even local groups of asexuals that get together for social support. A quick survey via Google listed, for example:
AsexualDatingSite.com
The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org
Asexualitic | Meet Asexual People | asexualitic.com
Asexuality Meetup Groups - asexuality.meetup.com/
If you do, in fact, match the definition and description of an "asexual", pursuing avenues such as suggested above may be fruitful for you.
No need to apologize, thanks for the info! I've heard of asexuality before, but I never looked into it much. I don't feel like I've had much of a desire to be sexually intimate with the people I've dated. I enjoy things like making out and some degree of sexual touching, but I don't really view physical contact with men as the ultimate source of sexual pleasure. If it's possible to be asexual and still like porn, "quality time with myself", and making out with guys then yes, I could be. Either way, a lack of interest in sex/avoidance of sex/aversion to sex doesn't really work out when it comes to dating- though most of the time I don't even get past the first few dates with people and sex never even comes up, so I see the problem as more of an overall failure to connect in any meaningful sense.
Let's face it...some of us have flaws that prevent us from being in a healthy monogamous relationship with another person we desire.
I have been giving this some thought lately. Now at 35, sometimes I do wonder "if it's me". Now, on one hand, I totally believe that not everyone will find someone. It's just life. And luck. It ain't gonna happen for everyone. But on the other hand, I think I'm fairly attractive...independent...pretty easy to get along with...good-hearted...yada yada yada...so I think I 'should' have someone. And I remain patient. But sometimes I start to thinking...maybe I'm not putting myself out there enough, or maybe I'm too shy, or too picky, or this or that.
Has anyone here ever come to a conclusion of something they were doing wrong in the dating game/game of love and adjusted something about yourself as a result? Or even more interestingly, have you been told by someone/other people some thing or things you needed to change?
Yeah. I realized I was going after the wrong guys, selling myself short (I've been a "fixer"). I've started to focus more on my own happiness, what and who REALLY makes me happy as opposed to what my old patterns of attraction have been, and I'm getting much better results that are so much more in line with who I really am. Slowly but surely getting there.
I think the key is to be honest with yourself about how you feel and what you REALLY want. Sometimes it's hard to know what you DO want, but if you start with what you DON'T want, you can then find your way to what you're really looking for. Make a list of all your past relationships and why they didn't work for you, what was missing. Then figure out what you really need.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan
Let's face it...some of us have flaws that prevent us from being in a healthy monogamous relationship with another person we desire.
I have been giving this some thought lately. Now at 35, sometimes I do wonder "if it's me". Now, on one hand, I totally believe that not everyone will find someone. It's just life. And luck. It ain't gonna happen for everyone. But on the other hand, I think I'm fairly attractive...independent...pretty easy to get along with...good-hearted...yada yada yada...so I think I 'should' have someone. And I remain patient. But sometimes I start to thinking...maybe I'm not putting myself out there enough, or maybe I'm too shy, or too picky, or this or that.
Has anyone here ever come to a conclusion of something they were doing wrong in the dating game/game of love and adjusted something about yourself as a result? Or even more interestingly, have you been told by someone/other people some thing or things you needed to change?
I have.
I'm really fat, very jaded, and indifferent to most people.
i think the majority of people who claim to want a relationship and put themselves out there, but have little to no success probably have self-destructive tendencies. In that, i mean that they are probably not making themselves as available as they need to be, or they're overly discounting the people who show interest in them.
The idea that there is a perfect match for people is extremely rare imo. I don't buy it. I think if you look at any relationship, there's more than likely going to be some compromises going on between the two parties. Yet, i believe there are still people out there that buy into this silly notion that unless the other person is an absolute perfect match, then they're not going to waste their time. The no compromise mentality is fine if that's how you want to manage things. However, you should probably be prepared to be single for a long time, because perfect matches are extremely rare.
I see people of all walks of life in relationships. Ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, beautiful, intelligent, rich, poor, exciting, boring, etc. The garbage spewed on this forum that you need to have x, y, and z in order to attract a mate is bogus pseudo-logic at best coming from people who haven't a clue what they're talking about. The difference between those people in relationships and those who can't lock it down is that, at some point, they decided to compromise on certain expectations and accept their partner for who they are (flaws and all).
Don't get me wrong. It's good to be picky to an extent. Obviously there's got to be something between you two to make it work. However, if you start tossing people aside because they have a slight physical imperfection, or they're not as tall as you'd want them to be, then yeah, it's totally you who has problems.
this!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. But I've stated my problem earlier.
