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Why the what? I don't know if you're implying that I should be mad at him, but he did nothing wrong.
Listen...
Just stop!
The guy told you flat out that he is not attracted to you.
He called you a "3!" Normally it's a scale of 1-10 NOT 1-5.
To top it all off he gives you a percentage of "15%" that he WILL cheat on you.
Then blames his masterbation on you not being attractive!
Where's the love? Where's the love?!?!
My goodness! Find someone who will love you unconditionally.
It is very hard knowing this. Also, sometimes he initiates sex because I do turn him on. I know that this is my choice, I just like knowing other peoples thoughts. I love him and the love we share is deeper than sex and looks. He says so too. I just get nervous about that 15% chance he may leave in the future. I also feel bad for him that he doesn't find me attractive. I think he deserves to be with a woman he finds attractive 100%. At the same time, I make him very very happy. Nothing is ever certain though, but still...I am conflicted.
What about you? Don't you deserve to be with someone who finds you attractive and doesn't make you feel unworthy? It sounds like he is very shallow. Move on to someone who loves you for everything you bring to the table.
What about you? Don't you deserve to be with someone who finds you attractive and doesn't make you feel unworthy? It sounds like he is very shallow. Move on to someone who loves you for everything you bring to the table.
Actually I think she doesn't because every post after the initial one has defended his actions so she is right where she wants to be and obviously did not even want any advice regarding this situation.
Original poster: Carry on how you are, you want it, you deserve, you have it.
I think you really need to see a therapist regarding self-esteem issues. I have been with my partner for four years. He has seen me gain weight, he has seen me lose weight. He has seen me wear makeup, he has seen me wear no makeup for weeks straight. Short hair, long hair, dresses, sweatpants, snot coming out of my nose from when I had the flu. He has seen me in the morning when I have eye crusties, morning breath, and hair that knots in my sleep. Not even once has he made me feel less than the most beautiful woman alive.
We're getting married in June and if he ever stated that there is a 15% chance he could leave me, ho-dang. Wedding's off, keep those deposits, folks! It's hard enough to sustain a relationship when both people are truly committed to it and even stating a 15% chance shows that he would contemplate leaving this behind if he met someone like you that he considered a 5.
Do yourself a favor: Find someone who finds you attractive on all levels: physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, etc and don't settle for anyone that even though he is being "honest" is inadvertently cutting you down to make you believe that you should accept someone who says these things in the name of "love". (Hint: someone who loves you, like really, truly, loves you as a human being would not feel the way that he does.)
I really think that for each of you, while the relationship may be nice and comfortable -- it isn't "the one" or whatever. And you both deserve the chance to find that.
The guy told you flat out that he is not attracted to you.
He called you a "3!" Normally it's a scale of 1-10 NOT 1-5.
To top it all off he gives you a percentage of "15%" that he WILL cheat on you. Then blames his masterbation on you not being attractive!
Where's the love? Where's the love?!?!
My goodness! Find someone who will love you unconditionally.
This is what I got out of it. He made up this BS about her not being attractive enough as an excuse to justify his frequent masturbation.
He's also blaming his lack of commitment to the relationship on her, as well. Saying there's a 15% chance he'll cheat is a way of saying he's not fully committed, and doesn't believe in making that commitment. He doesn't believe in taking responsibility for his choices in general. He blames everything on the nearest scapegoat, the OP. What a douche!
Wow, you really need a secret decoder ring for some of these situations on the forum!
Actually I think she doesn't because every post after the initial one has defended his actions so she is right where she wants to be and obviously did not even want any advice regarding this situation.
Original poster: Carry on how you are, you want it, you deserve, you have it.
So true
In life we generate the results we believe we deserve.
He said it's like a 15% chance it will happen and I am happy he is being honest with me.
This can't be serious. Was he joking or does he have Aspergers or something? Do you have Aspergers to not find this odd, instead of thanking him for his honesty? Please explain what it means to have a 15% chance of leaving someone.
My boyfriend ans I have been together for almost three years. I am a very strong and independent woman and he is a sweet and sensitive soul. We are so darn cute together and have so much fun when we are with each other. We cuddle and kiss and all that sweet stuff. He loves me very much and is always there for me and I am always there for him. I love him as well. Today I found out that he does not find me attractive. He says it has been this way for almost our whole relationship. He says he loves me and thinks I am the most amazing woman he has ever known. He said sometimes I can be cute or pretty to him, but overall, I'm just average ok looking and that does not make him horny or anything so usually he just masturbates instead of having sex with me. Sometimes we have sex..sometimes. This is really hard for me and it hurts. He said he wants to make it work, but I am scared that down the line he will leave me since he doesn't find me attractive. He said it's like a 15% chance it will happen and I am happy he is being honest with me. We both cried because we don't want to separate, but that 15% chance. Also, we deserve to be with people that find us attractive and that we find attractive right? Looks aren't everything though and he does enjoy having sex with me. I know he's being honest and he doesn't want to hurt me. He said he will go with whatever decision I make and that he just wants me to be happy..the ball is in my court. Do I leave or stay? Love is stronger than attractiveness right?
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelingStuck
I do enjoy sex and he does have sex with me when I want to. I know it's not forced, he just doesn;t find me sexy and gorgeous. Only sometimes. Also, he's never refused to have sex with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelingStuck
It is very hard knowing this. Also, sometimes he initiates sex because I do turn him on. I know that this is my choice, I just like knowing other peoples thoughts. I love him and the love we share is deeper than sex and looks. He says so too. I just get nervous about that 15% chance he may leave in the future. I also feel bad for him that he doesn't find me attractive. I think he deserves to be with a woman he finds attractive 100%. At the same time, I make him very very happy. Nothing is ever certain though, but still...I am conflicted.
Your posts are all over the place. You don't turn him on, you do turn him on.
Last edited by bellakin123; 10-16-2014 at 12:49 PM..
The guy told you flat out that he is not attracted to you.
He called you a "3!" Normally it's a scale of 1-10 NOT 1-5.
To top it all off he gives you a percentage of "15%" that he WILL cheat on you.
Then blames his masterbation on you not being attractive!
Where's the love? Where's the love?!?!
My goodness! Find someone who will love you unconditionally.
This might be the best relationship either of these two are capable of having.
I know an older toothless women who who is in a 5 year relationship with a young guy that is basically a smelly bum. They both admit they don't find each other that attractive but it works for them 'Better to have someone than no one' to some people.
Not everyone has the Luxury of having a perfect 'In love', mutually attracted to each other relationship. Some people are just happy to have someone.
He loves me very much and is always there for me and I am always there for him.
...
Today I found out that he does not find me attractive. He says it has been this way for almost our whole relationship. He says he loves me and thinks I am the most amazing woman he has ever known. He said sometimes I can be cute or pretty to him, but overall, I'm just average ok looking and that does not make him horny or anything so usually he just masturbates instead of having sex with me.
Sorry, he's either using you for companionship because he's afraid he won't find someone else to put up with his sexlessness, he's getting some on the side, or he's gay and you're his beard.
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