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Old 10-15-2014, 09:45 PM
 
7 posts, read 6,586 times
Reputation: 15

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My boyfriend ans I have been together for almost three years. I am a very strong and independent woman and he is a sweet and sensitive soul. We are so darn cute together and have so much fun when we are with each other. We cuddle and kiss and all that sweet stuff. He loves me very much and is always there for me and I am always there for him. I love him as well. Today I found out that he does not find me attractive. He says it has been this way for almost our whole relationship. He says he loves me and thinks I am the most amazing woman he has ever known. He said sometimes I can be cute or pretty to him, but overall, I'm just average ok looking and that does not make him horny or anything so usually he just masturbates instead of having sex with me. Sometimes we have sex..sometimes. This is really hard for me and it hurts. He said he wants to make it work, but I am scared that down the line he will leave me since he doesn't find me attractive. He said it's like a 15% chance it will happen and I am happy he is being honest with me. We both cried because we don't want to separate, but that 15% chance. Also, we deserve to be with people that find us attractive and that we find attractive right? Looks aren't everything though and he does enjoy having sex with me. I know he's being honest and he doesn't want to hurt me. He said he will go with whatever decision I make and that he just wants me to be happy..the ball is in my court. Do I leave or stay? Love is stronger than attractiveness right?

Last edited by FeelingStuck; 10-15-2014 at 10:18 PM..
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Old 10-15-2014, 09:48 PM
 
35,106 posts, read 43,607,872 times
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Read the words you wrote and then take yourself to the mirror and ask yourself if you really want to stay with a man who told you he would rather masturbate than have sex with you because you are not attractive to him.

If you cannot answer this question on your own no one else can either, it is your life and your choice what to do with it.
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Old 10-15-2014, 09:55 PM
 
295 posts, read 263,457 times
Reputation: 505
That's a tough question. You can only answer this for yourself.

In my opinion, in the long run your relationship might not have a future, sorry.
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Old 10-15-2014, 09:57 PM
 
33,413 posts, read 29,066,888 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Read the words you wrote and then take yourself to the mirror and ask yourself if you really want to stay with a man who told you he would rather masturbate than have sex with you because you are not attractive to him.

If you cannot answer this question on your own no one else can either, it is your life and your choice what to do with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChickenPox View Post
That's a tough question. You can only answer this for yourself.

In my opinion, in the long run your relationship might not have a future, sorry.
i have to agree with these guys.
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Old 10-15-2014, 09:58 PM
 
1,728 posts, read 1,440,952 times
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I would not be with a man who rather masturbate than have sex with me. I would not be with a man I did not find attractive and did not want to have sex with. Looks aren't everything, but I have to be attracted to someone to be with them, and I want someone to be attracted to me if I am in a relationship. Also, remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so just because your current boyfriend does not find you attractive (supposedly), does not mean that another man won't.

I also think there is more to this story and your boyfriend might be keeping something from you. Most men will not stay in a relationship with a woman they are not attracted to and don't even want to have sex with. Most men will have sex with a woman they find cute and pretty and who they love. There is something missing from this, and I would not be shocked if your boyfriend has some issues/secrets you may not know about. I don't think the issue here is your looks.
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:05 PM
 
4,035 posts, read 4,143,275 times
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I don't know how you put up with this for 3 years, OP. Doesn't it matter to you to be sexually fulfilled? Do you not enjoy sex? How can he "make it work" if he refuses to have sex with you most of the time that he needs sexual activity? How can he "make it work" with someone he's not attracted to? Can you live the next 40 years with a guy who's forcing himself to have sex with you now and then, just to "make it work"?


Boy, just when you think you've heard everything....

Last edited by NewbiePoster; 10-15-2014 at 10:15 PM..
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:06 PM
 
295 posts, read 263,457 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashleynj View Post
I also think there is more to this story and your boyfriend might be keeping something from you. Most men will not stay in a relationship with a woman they are not attracted to and don't even want to have sex with. Most men will have sex with a woman they find cute and pretty and who they love. There is something missing from this, and I would not be shocked if your boyfriend has some issues/secrets you may not know about.
But a lot of people stay in relationships just because they're afraid to be single aka "alone". If he is gay, he would have told her, I think. He seems to be honest.
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:13 PM
 
1,496 posts, read 1,603,208 times
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Leave this sucker.
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:20 PM
 
7 posts, read 6,586 times
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I do enjoy sex and he does have sex with me when I want to. I know it's not forced, he just doesn;t find me sexy and gorgeous. Only sometimes. Also, he's never refused to have sex with me.
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:38 PM
 
35,106 posts, read 43,607,872 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelingStuck View Post
I do enjoy sex and he does have sex with me when I want to. I know it's not forced, he just doesn;t find me sexy and gorgeous. Only sometimes. Also, he's never refused to have sex with me.
So now you know that sex for him with you is an obligation not a desire.

The question still remains do you want to voluntarily continue to be with this man knowing this?

Your choice and really nothing anyone else says is going to matter one way or the other.
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