Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
ome of you may have read my posts about Jason and Whitney and the drama that surrounds them. I'll do my best to sum up what has happened thus far but you can also refer to my previous "Does it sound like he's into me or just being friendly?" and "Am I being dramatic or do I have a right to be upset?".
I moved to a new city for work about 6-7 months ago. I was able to quickly make friends with a group of girls and we spend a lot of time together. One of the things we do is play on the same softball team. That is where I met Jason. Jason lead me on to think that he was into me (and everyone else thought the same) and it wasn't until I expressed my interest in him, was rejected because he "didn't want to upset the dynamic of our softball team" but would love to continue hanging out with me on the DL, that I learned of the CRAZY and INSANE relationship Jason and Whitney have. Basically, she is obsessively in love with him and gives him all the benefits of a girlfriend, but also allows him to do things such as ask her opinion on his outfit for a date and asks her to help him plan his dates. She has openly admitted to me that she has literally begged him to take her on a date so they can "see how things go" and has begged him to just make out with her.
Any ways, the 'ish really hit the fan after one drunken night, Jason stayed at my place. We didn't do anything but the next morning he told me that he would appreciate if we kept the fact that he stayed at my place between us. That was basically when I learned that Whitney was in love with him and that was when I told him I thought it was best that we only hung out in group settings. Before I even got the chance to be honest with Whitney, Jason had already lied and I went along with it to not stir the waters. Eventually, it started to eat at me and I came clean. She SAID that it wouldn't affect our friendship but that certainly doesn't feel like the case.
Jason basically kicked me off our flag football team and Whitney would act like a friend when it was just us girls, but when Jason came around, she was cold towards me.
Fast forward to earlier this week - a received a text from one of the guys who plays on our softball team asking if I was going to Jason's birthday dinner on Thursday. I responded that I had not received an invite and asked who sent it out. He said that Whitney did. Well, I got a little upset and hurt by it. It had absolutely nothing to do with Jason or his birthday dinner, it was the fact that 1. I had been there for Whitney and listened to her cry and complain about how poorly Jason has treated her. Plus, we spend a lot of time together in our group of friends. Not to mention, Jason was the one who wanted to lie to her and would have continued this lie had I not come clean. I was the one who told her the truth and 2. I felt like she was choosing sides, making it apparent to others on our softball team that there is an issue and making it now be a little uncomfortable to me in our group of friends with her.
I'm sure some of you may think that it is a bit over dramatic, but if it were me, I would have sent the invite to her and allowed her to decline herself. I mean, for heaven sake, she invited him to MY birthday get together that we had with our softball team.
Then last night, we had 2 softball games. I came early to throw and when she showed up, she walks over to me and says "HEY! I haven't said hey to you yet". I was like "Hey...". We didn't really speak a whole lot during our 1st game. During our second, our mutual friend says "Hey Jess, whit is hungry. Do you have any snacks she could eat?". Immediately I was thinking Oh, I'm sorry you're hungry. You're also an adult. I was able to stop at the store and grab some food on the way here. You should have done that as well. But being the nice person I am, I was going to give her the crackers in my tuna pack since I would have just thrown them away anyways. The best part was when she was standing right next to me and one of our teammates walked up to me and asked if I was going to Jason's dinner tomorrow night. I said "I wasn't invited" just loud enough for her to hear. Our teammate gave me this really strange look and was like "What?! Really?!" and kind of looked over and Whitney and then said "Well, I'd invite you if it were my birthday dinner".
I'm starting to really not like this girl. I don't want to not like her since I see her quite often, but I feel like (and I don't say this in a cocky way) she is jealous of me and views me as competition. She is a completely different girl when a guy is around compared to when its just us girls. Not to mention, one of the guys that has been filling in for Jason (he hurt his hand and can't play) is a guy I've been talking to. She was flirting with him SO hard last night and I wanted to punch her in the face.
Hopefully I'm not being dramatic but good lord, enough is enough.
She's boffing him. That's why she doesn't want you around, because she knows he spent the night with you, and since you both lied about it, she thinks you really did do something.
It's not the first time he has stayed at your place, though. You were interested in him before. And she is not his GF.
ARE YOU SURE that deep down you didn't want her to know he had been there? And (in a way) punish him for rebuffing you?
What? He did only stay at my house once.
And no, I'm not petty like that. He was not the first guy, nor the last, that has rejected me in my lifetime. I don't go seeking revenge when on a man who doesn't see me as a good fit. That would be ridiculous.
Like I said, I told her because it really bothered me that I had lied. I'm not mad at her in any way that she chooses to continue to spend time with him.
OMG YES you are being dramatic. If you have to start two threads online asking if you are dramatic, then the answer is yes.
If you really don't care, stop caring. Stop keeping track of who talks to who, who invited who, etc. He's not yours, and he's not hers. Neither of you is really a good friend because you let the guy get in the way.
Also - I feel like you knew that she was insanely in love with this guy before you even had him at your place and while you were flirting with him. It sounds like it's something everyone can see and perceive, so even if she didn't directly tell you I am sure that you knew unless you are dense.
You can't see a girl that unhealthily attached to someone and think that she will be okay with you after you make a move, even if you're rejected. You knew she'd get weird, Jason knew she'd get weird. Maybe it's not good to lie, but if it meant nothing at all to either of you -- why make a weird situation even weirder? I am not an advocate for lying, but sometimes an advocate for discretion in those circumstances. Had you gone behind her back and had a full blown relationship, then yeah.... that's a problem! But a one night thing like that? Jason had it right to keep it to yourselves. No one else was on a need to know basis.
I am 28 and have had the type of friends who support and encourage one another. I can't say that I would have flirted with a guy if I could tell a friend was into him. I don't care if he's not hers or she's not his or you're not hers or whatever. I do care about the fact that if my friend likes a guy, then I will hope that the guy likes her back as opposed to hoping this guy really likes me instead.
It's weird and iffy under normal circumstances, but in her situation: her feelings are not normal and are intensified! Instead of using that as a situation to tell her of your time with him, what you really should have said as a supportive friend, "I see how Jason treats you and I wish you would talk to somebody about why you feel that is all you're worth getting."
Also - I feel like you knew that she was insanely in love with this guy before you even had him at your place and while you were flirting with him. It sounds like it's something everyone can see and perceive, so even if she didn't directly tell you I am sure that you knew unless you are dense.
You can't see a girl that unhealthily attached to someone and think that she will be okay with you after you make a move, even if you're rejected. You knew she'd get weird, Jason knew she'd get weird. Maybe it's not good to lie, but if it meant nothing at all to either of you -- why make a weird situation even weirder? I am not an advocate for lying, but sometimes an advocate for discretion in those circumstances. Had you gone behind her back and had a full blown relationship, then yeah.... that's a problem! But a one night thing like that? Jason had it right to keep it to yourselves. No one else was on a need to know basis.
I am 28 and have had the type of friends who support and encourage one another. I can't say that I would have flirted with a guy if I could tell a friend was into him. I don't care if he's not hers or she's not his or you're not hers or whatever. I do care about the fact that if my friend likes a guy, then I will hope that the guy likes her back as opposed to hoping this guy really likes me instead.
It's weird and iffy under normal circumstances, but in her situation: her feelings are not normal and are intensified! Instead of using that as a situation to tell her of your time with him, what you really should have said as a supportive friend, "I see how Jason treats you and I wish you would talk to somebody about why you feel that is all you're worth getting."
Ok - so in defense to that, I had not hung out with Whitney prior to me joining the softball team. I was invited to play by a mutual friend of ours. So I was not around Whitney and Jason together. So no, I wasn't aware of her crazy obsession with him.
It wasn't until after he stayed at my house that I found out just how crazy obsessed she was and I knew it was a mistake and backed off. My anger grew when I felt like he began punishing me for declining his invitation to continue to hang out behind her back.
And it wasn't a big deal that he stayed at my house. It wasn't like we slept together or even kissed. It was hard to listen to her cry to me about him, knowing that I played a small part in her pain.
So yes, I had many talks with her about how I felt like she was getting the short end of the stick and that she deserved much better. I had even set her up with a friend of mine, hoping they would hit things off and she would finally ditch Jason.
OP, I'm sure you're a nice girl, and you sound very young, so maybe you don't have enough life experience yet to where you can brush stuff off, but honestly, it sounds like you're the one with the problem, not Whitney and Jason. Why are you obsessing over two individuals who don't seem too worried about you? If you're in a group setting with Whitney, ignore her. She's getting under your skin because you're allowing her to.
?? You said in your post to find new friends to hang out with.
I do hang out with the other friends outside of softball, football and birthdays.
I did find a new flag football team to play on but I can't bail on my softball team since we have to have a certain amount of girls. Plus, aside from Whitney, I really enjoy their company and playing on the team with them.
I never ask Whitney to hang out one-on-one. It is when we all get together in groups that I have to be around her. Most of the time, she will invite Jason and will get into some stupid drunken fight with him and leave early so I don't have to worry about her being around the whole night. Other times she isn't in town because she has season tickets to her college football team. But there are those occasions where we all get together in groups and I don't think its fair that I have to avoid doing those fun things because of her immaturity.
And its not like I can't stand her in the group setting. Like I said, she is really nice and fun to be around when it is just us girls. We can actually carry on a conversation like adults. Its when you introduce guys into the mix and all of a sudden it feels like this ridiculous competition she is treating to create.
But you also played into that ridiculous competition HERE where you are stating my friend likes him, but is he into ME:
Seems to me like you do need to take a look at yourself as well and see "How much of this is caused by her issues and how much of this is caused by my issues?"
In an attempt to say, "she is creating this competition when I just want friends!!!", you are kind of creating this past where you're not asking people if this guy likes YOU and Whitney be darned!!!!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
