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Nope. Not desperate at all. Over the past few months, I could have dated 3 different girls that were really into me. I just didn't feel a spark. If I were desperate, I would have "settled" and dated one of them.
Dude, a spark happens on first sight only rarely in life. That's what dating is for--to see if a spark happens. It's a process. It sounds like you might have passed up some good opportunities. Your bad. Deciding to go on a date with someone you're not attracted to instantly isn't "settling". It's just dating, checking someone out to see if there's potential. It has nothing to do with settling. Settling comes later, like if you were to go ahead and get involved with someone after you determined there was no basis for a spark at all.
What is with this "settling" word, that makes dudes so afraid of it that they cut themselves off from dating opportunities before they even begin? Is it a thing on men's blogs, or something? Cutting off your nose to spite your face, it sounds like.
I always wonder if this might be different for men and women. That men generally only consider dating someone when they are attracted to the woman, whereas women also date men, they are not immediately attracted to, because it generally takes more time for some people to develop feelings? Or women might be more into the personality of a man, whereas looks are overly important for men?
There was one dude on here a while back who insisted that he could tell if he had chemistry with a woman just based on her photo, so it takes all kinds.
I always wonder if this might be different for men and women. That men generally only consider dating someone when they are attracted to the woman, whereas women also date men, they are not immediately attracted to, because it generally takes more time for some people to develop feelings? Or women might be more into the personality of a man, whereas looks are overly important for men?
I have to have personality and looks. If a woman can truly make me laugh and make me feel like a kid again, than I tend to have a soft spot for them. This happened recently and it blew up in my face. I was super into her, and thought she was too (keyword thought) and then she wasn't feeling it anymore. People change their minds for a number of reasons.
For myself, I generally know within 30 minutes of meeting someone if I'm going to gel with them and even want to see them again. Most meet ups I went on I was under the impression that it wouldn't work, and wanted to see if they were just different in person. Most of the time their best foot forward was the one I had already seen and analyzed.
I know with women they have to feel it with a guy and I'm seeing it more with guys I know dating as well. Looks matter, but if they can't stand the person, it's still going to be a no go.
I always wonder if this might be different for men and women. That men generally only consider dating someone when they are attracted to the woman, whereas women also date men, they are not immediately attracted to, because it generally takes more time for some people to develop feelings?
I think there are a lot of dudes who go by looks only. Then they wonder why they always end up with drama queens, cheaters or princesses.
Last edited by NewbiePoster; 10-17-2014 at 11:58 AM..
I know with some women they have to feel it with a guy and I'm seeing it more with guys I know dating as well. Looks matter, but if they can't stand the person, it's still going to be a no go.
The last woman I dated was very attractive IMO. She was this petite, slender Southeast Asian girl who was a freak . She was probably the most attractive woman I've been with. But she was nuts! She was extremely jealous and controlling. As much physical attraction I had for her, I just couldn't do it. I'll take average looking and awesome personality any day over that drama. In fact, I tend to be more attracted to the average look.
The last woman I dated was very attractive IMO. She was this petite, slender Southeast Asian girl who was a freak . She was probably the most attractive woman I've been with. But she was nuts! She was extremely jealous and controlling. As much physical attraction I had for her, I just couldn't do it. I'll take average looking and awesome personality any day over that drama. In fact, I tend to be more attracted to the average look.
The few dates I went on recently with a woman she wasn't slender by any means and was carrying extra weight. When I was around her, I always felt she was the best looking woman in the room. I hadn't been that smitten over a woman in 8 years, and that was with my first love. It was the first time where I dated someone and nothing else mattered, within reason. It felt like a stupid Nicholas Sparks book and I'm not a fan of those storylines. Haha
I very seldom lead with emotion, within relationships or life, so this situation really had me at hello.
Dude, a spark happens on first sight only rarely in life. That's what dating is for--to see if a spark happens. It's a process. It sounds like you might have passed up some good opportunities. Your bad. Deciding to go on a date with someone you're not attracted to instantly isn't "settling". It's just dating, checking someone out to see if there's potential. It has nothing to do with settling. Settling comes later, like if you were to go ahead and get involved with someone after you determined there was no basis for a spark at all.
What is with this "settling" word, that makes dudes so afraid of it that they cut themselves off from dating opportunities before they even begin? Is it a thing on men's blogs, or something? Cutting off your nose to spite your face, it sounds like.
^^^This.
As I said in another thread earlier today:
Quote:
We often see posts where people say if there aren't sparks/fireworks/raging chemistry from date one, then move on to the next. One date is often not enough to assess compatibility. That quick half hour coffee date might easily tell you if you aren't a match, but there is a lot of grey area between "no way in hell" and "definitely".
Prior to this current technology, life didn't move at such a warped speed, and you didn't have the next person coming along any moment (via OLD). Most people don't have plenty of dating options lined up, so there isn't any harm in taking a few dates over a couple of weeks to get to know someone to see if there is something worth exploring, IMO.
There was one dude on here a while back who insisted that he could tell if he had chemistry with a woman just based on her photo, so it takes all kinds.
Hm, this is strange. Sometimes I think for women it's even more a chemistry-thing. I remember a thread from a girl a while ago, where she stated that she is "into a guy who is not her type" and some guys were complaining like "how can she say such a thing? blaw". But to be honest, this is what happens to me too. Rarely, but it happens.
I know with women they have to feel it with a guy and I'm seeing it more with guys I know dating as well. Looks matter, but if they can't stand the person, it's still going to be a no go.
Agree!
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. She was probably the most attractive woman I've been with. But she was nuts! She was extremely jealous and controlling. As much physical attraction I had for her, I just couldn't do it. I'll take average looking and awesome personality any day over that drama. In fact, I tend to be more attracted to the average look.
