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Old 10-18-2014, 08:34 PM
 
1,823 posts, read 2,838,546 times
Reputation: 2831

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilbits View Post
I never agreed to any of it. I just said lets wait and see what happens. I have kids and so does he. He has no record. His father and brother are police officers and he and his mother are nurses. he does have two crazy baby mommas. I feel I'm the only "normal" person he's dated. I feel like things are moving way too fast and when I explained that to him he stopped mentioning it to me but that was only two weeks ago. I appreciate the feedback and I'm listening to you all. Keep it coming.
He SAYS they're "crazy baby mommas" but have you considered that they're actually normal, and HE drove them crazy? As in, they're just reacting to his insane behavior, making them LOOK crazy.

Beware the guy who says all his exes are "psychos"...
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Old 10-18-2014, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,761,388 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilbits View Post

I met this guy online a little over two months ago.
My problem is he's moved so fast that my head is spinning.
After texting for three days he wanted to meet. I thought that was a little fast but I agreed.
After week two of talking he asked if he could buy me a cell phone and he would pay the bill.
I told him flat out no. So after dating for a month he bought me the iPhone and just gave it to me.
That day he told me he loved me.
At week 6 it got really weird.
He booked a trip for us meaning him and I and our kids to Disney world for next July.
Then ... he was looking at rings.
Then we met each other's families.
Week 7 he asked about moving in together and asked if I'd marry him via text.
Ummmm....I Don't Know You!!!!!

We are in week 8 and I'm babysitting his son over night this entire weekend.
What have I gotten myself into?
I am kind of creeped out but flattered at the same time.
All of the above ^^^ are things you wrote that are serious red flags. The parts in red are instances where you ignored your own intuition. The fact that you think you are the most normal person he has dated is NOT a compliment to you. It is a sign that he makes VERY bad decisions.

Did you know that some predators target single moms online in order to gain access to their children? Of course it's a worst-case scenario, but it has happened.

Please learn to listen to your inner voice, especially when it is warning you.
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Old 10-18-2014, 08:55 PM
 
1,714 posts, read 1,754,381 times
Reputation: 1087
Just be very careful and take things slowly. If you feel creeped out, weird and things don't feel right then it is important to listen to your instincts.

Do NOT leave him alone with your kids.
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Old 10-18-2014, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
10,379 posts, read 10,879,090 times
Reputation: 18713
We were young and naive. We got engaged about 3 months after we met and got married 6 months later and that was 38 happy years ago. However, I would be very careful. He already has one failed marriage behind him. There's a reason he's divorced. I'm sure there was blame on both sides, but there is still very good reason to be very careful. Wait and see. Lots of people start with hot relationships that blow up very quickly. Take it easy, go slow, be very aware of red flags; lying, possessiveness, controlling behavior.
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Old 10-19-2014, 05:50 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashleynj View Post
It's hard to say what you should do.

I've had guys profess their love very early on. Some were genuine and great, and one in particular was a crazy sociopath.

One thing I have noticed though is that often people who are very quick to fall in love and who move very fast, can sometimes be the kind of people who are also very quick to fall out of love with you and easily quickly move on to someone else.


My ex was very quick to progress the relationship. He moved in on the second date, engaged the first month, etc. Somehow we lasted 7 years.

He talked marriage with me on a Wednesday. He moved into a new womans house on Saturday. Told me he was leaving on Sunday.

He quickly fell out of love with me. He left her after 8 weeks. He just moved in with his fourth woman with kids since he left me in June.

Hello Sociopath!!!
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Old 10-19-2014, 05:57 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilbits View Post
I never agreed to any of it. I just said lets wait and see what happens. I have kids and so does he. He has no record. His father and brother are police officers and he and his mother are nurses. he does have two crazy baby mommas. I feel I'm the only "normal" person he's dated. I feel like things are moving way too fast and when I explained that to him he stopped mentioning it to me but that was only two weeks ago. I appreciate the feedback and I'm listening to you all. Keep it coming.
Um yeah, I would be extremely cautious.

I am sure my exes new woman thinks she has been the only normal person for my ex as well.

As I just said he left me for another woman. He left her 8 weeks later. She and I have since become friends. He told her all kinds of things that were not even close to the truth. When they were dating she thought I was crazy, but quickly learned I am nothing like he described. She contacted me because she needed help sorting through his crazy behavior. She tried getting him to a doctor for treatment and he left her because she figured out he was crazy. Yet he is so charming, another woman, a friend of the first woman, agreed to leave her husband of 9 years for him.

Talk to his exes. You might be getting very different stories.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:01 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
All of the above ^^^ are things you wrote that are serious red flags. The parts in red are instances where you ignored your own intuition. The fact that you think you are the most normal person he has dated is NOT a compliment to you. It is a sign that he makes VERY bad decisions.

Did you know that some predators target single moms online in order to gain access to their children? Of course it's a worst-case scenario, but it has happened.

Please learn to listen to your inner voice, especially when it is warning you.
I am fairly certain the sociopath being described in the op, targets single moms, because they tend to be vulnerable, feeling unloved, missing adult interaction in a romantic way, looking for security, and ripe for the picking, so to speak.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:18 AM
 
Location: Florida
2,289 posts, read 5,763,846 times
Reputation: 5281
Too much, too soon=Red Flag! Two prior baby mommas=Red Flag! For some men it is the thrill of the chase, the catch, after that...the party is over. Think with your head, not your heart, your heart is not designed to do the thinking.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:36 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,692,733 times
Reputation: 13170
Let's forget about red flags, if you can, although i agree his pace is rapid and probably a source of concern.

Are there other, personal reasons you are hesitant: maybe bad experiences from the past?

What are the positive aspects of his personality and the relationship that could quite possibly lead to an enduring marriage in which you would be happier?

One option is tell him exactly how you feel about him and his relationship management practices and, if this is the case, that you want to get to know him better in order to develop the relationship more fully before you make any truly big commitments.

Red Flag people - i know many - look for reasons to not to get into a deep relationship, for many different reasons. They forget, or don't look at, or are afraid of what many people would see as the beneficial outcomes of making a long-term commitment.
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Old 10-19-2014, 06:47 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,380 posts, read 24,388,060 times
Reputation: 17418
If the guy really means what he says, his feelings for you will be just as strong in a year as they are now.

Simply tell him that you don't want to discuss marriage or co-habitation for at least 18 months.

And make him pay you for babysitting his child. I already smell a rat.
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