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Don't forget about those cheese steaks on rocking Amoroso or Conshy baking factory rolls. And those garlic pork sammiches are to die for. Lots of great pizza/italian restaurants throughout the area.
If anyone rolls into the area and runs into a Primos give them a shot.
Tis why I am bear like as I approach the AARP years rather than the old svelte self.
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I was stupid (to put it bluntly). He was in charge of the finances and I never really double checked him. We put the inheritance in a money market account with both our names on it. It was supposed to be our "emergency fund." .
My emergency/project fund is in my checking account which is FDIC insured. Would suggest that everyone make sure they are very comfy as to their investment vehicles. Here endeth NMGPAs friendly deed of the day.
Now to say something more directly on topic... Timberline and I seem to be philosophically aligned on this one. I have not shunned divorcee s or single mothers but look at each new opportunity on a case basis. Certainly would have been nice to encounter the same openness from others back when I was seriously searching.
The other thing that divorce does that isn't spoken about is how you build your life. Think about how things were when you dated. You maybe had a car payment, insurance, phone, and rent. You could work food service and easily make those demands with a roommate or even by yourself. When you marry, you have a tendency to take on much bigger bills. A bigger house, possibly a bigger car (even more so if kids are involved), trips, etc. When the marriage dissolves, someone is "stuck" with these bigger expenses.
Much like Jillabean, it was her that was stuck with them. Even if she truly wanted to date, how could she? When you're barely able to stay above water financially you tend to push out everything that's going to get in your way of not completing a goal. That's if your goal is financial independence. We know from enough dating stories that some people's five year plan is another person.
That's what I realized with my most recent ex. She had two kids and kept the house. She has always been a hard worker, but she had to work even harder now, because she was the only one bringing in income. Her ex is a bit immature, but that's another story for another day. In the end, as much as she wanted to date me, she couldn't allocate any time because she and her girls needed a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs.
I believe this scenario is more real than people give credit too.
I didn't date at all for about three years after my divorce. Money was a reason, but the big, main reason was I was healing emotionally. It took a lot out of me. Time is a problem now, money is no longer a problem.
Now I have a lack of time not so much because of work. I have a regular full time job and all, but I also do everything at the house too (cleaning, laundry, yardwork) not to mention making sure my child's homework is done, after school activities, etc. Then squeeze in scuba diving and my book club--because I have a life too! I have time to date, but not as much time as I used to (when I was in college) and if I date I have to cut back on the book club or diving (not give up, just cut back).
It makes the early stages of dating difficult because I don't want to being a string of men into my house because I have a child and am well aware it would effect her as well (I want to wait until I am very serious with someone first--I've come close once, but it hasn't happened yet). So until then, dates have to be "out" which means a sitter and making sure all my self imposed chores are done. But once I am comfortable with a man being in my home (and with my child) then "dates" can consist of me cooking dinner for the three of us and watching TV together after the little one goes to bed. Or maybe him going to my house (or me going to his house) to do yardwork and relax later with takeout over a football game or movie.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NMGPA
Don't forget about those cheese steaks on rocking Amoroso or Conshy baking factory rolls. And those garlic pork sammiches are to die for. Lots of great pizza/italian restaurants throughout the area.
If anyone rolls into the area and runs into a Primos give them a shot.
Tis why I am bear like as I approach the AARP years rather than the old svelte self. ...
You are making me hungry. I want a cheese steak now... with fried onions.
Last edited by jillabean; 10-23-2014 at 09:42 AM..
I didn't date at all for about three years after my divorce. Money was a reason, but the big, main reason was I was healing emotionally. It took a lot out of me. Time is a problem now, money is no longer a problem.
Now I have a lack of time not so much because of work. I have a regular full time job and all, but I also do everything at the house too (cleaning, laundry, yardwork) not to mention making sure my child's homework is done, after school activities, etc. Then squeeze in scuba diving and my book club--because I have a life too! I have time to date, but not as much time as I used to (when I was in college) and if I date I have to cut back on the book club or diving (not give up, just cut back).
It makes the early stages of dating difficult because I don't want to being a string of men into my house because I have a child and am well aware it would effect her as well (I want to wait until I am very serious with someone first--I've come close once, but it hasn't happened yet). So until then, dates have to be "out" which means a sitter and making sure all my self imposed chores are done. But once I am comfortable with a man being in my home (and with my child) then "dates" can consist of me cooking dinner for the three of us and watching TV together after the little one goes to bed. Or maybe him going to my house (or me going to his house) to do yardwork and relax later with takeout over a football game or movie.
You are making me hungry. I want a cheese steak now... with fried onions.
My ex and I had that discussion just recently about dating and blending. She said she would have to likely date a guy who has kids already or in a similar work situation as hers. I never wanted to meet her kids, because we never got to steady ground in our own relationship. I guess you could say we could never get into a steady routine. Too much of our dating was planned so far ahead and it hardly ever involved a weekend kid free. If she had a kid free weekend she likely had to work till 9pm and then drive an hour to see me. The friendship aspect has been a lot better for both of us than us trying to push ahead with a relationship.
This year has been nothing but inward and outward reflection for me. A lot of stuff I've turned over I liked, but there's been some rocks I turned over and I was like P-U!
A guy 40+ who never had a long term relationship raises red flags. There is ALWAYS a reason and never really a good one.
I only turn them into green flags if he says he was doing charity work in Africa for many years or has some other extreme profession that demands a lot of time.
I have dated a lot of guys within the last two years and it always showed quickly who never had a real relationship before.
My main goal to date is a guy who is divorced (= no commitment issues) or has been in at least one relationship that was longer than 5 years. Every time I meet a guy and he seems awesome but never had a longterm relationship, I wonder why. And within weeks I know and run.
so so true...found this in every guy i dated with the above stats
Well I am in a no win situation seeing that I am 31 now and never really had a long term GF before .
I can quite college keep my dead end job go and antidepressants to get though the day and have to see a therapist a few times month just to be ok having a dead end job. Than start dating and find a girl that is ok with me having a dead end job and wishing I had a better job. Also she have to be ok with me working 7 days a week or working two jobs at some point. . All I know is if we had a kids I would be working 7 days a week and do not care if she hates it. I am not going to let my kids grow up working retail so got to work so I can give them every thing and send them to the best private schools k-12 if I can.
As a guy it is hard not to let your job define who you are.
I rather stay in college work my you know what off and have a great job and be happy . If no female wants me so be it . I just go adopt a child or pay a female to have my kid so I can be a dad and just be a single dad .
I would date now but with working 50+ hours a week and taking night classes and only sleeping 3-5 hours a night 7 days a week there is not much time to date.
With the divorced I always wonder what and where the failure was. The whole point is to work at the relationship constantly to make it work as it’s not ever going to be smooth sailing all the time and if whatever bumps in the road were enough to derail the marriage then there must not have been much foundation in the beginning to start with so it never should have been started. This is an indication of poor judgment that is likely to be repeated because it takes two to tango and divorce indicates that one or both parties have unrealistic expectations, are unable or unwilling to work things out and somehow expect it to automatically take care of itself. It’s a work in progress from day one until death do they part. No coasting, slacking, down time, breaks or days off either.
With the divorced I always wonder what and where the failure was. The whole point is to work at the relationship constantly to make it work as it’s not ever going to be smooth sailing all the time and if whatever bumps in the road were enough to derail the marriage then there must not have been much foundation in the beginning to start with so it never should have been started. This is an indication of poor judgment that is likely to be repeated because it takes two to tango and divorce indicates that one or both parties have unrealistic expectations, are unable or unwilling to work things out and somehow expect it to automatically take care of itself. It’s a work in progress from day one until death do they part. No coasting, slacking, down time, breaks or days off either.
Poor judgment or lack of options, is it really poor judgment if you know its not ideal but you also know that you have really limited options? I mean your "judgments" is picking between 2 not good options.
I keep reading that divorce equals "knowing about marriage". I see it the opposite. Divorce says to me "unwilling to work on the relationship" while never-married says to me "taking it seriously". Obviously everybody's situation is different but as far as first impressions, this is the way I see it.
Is it just me, or does it seem as if you are in your late 30's or 40's (or any age really) and you have never been married, that you (overall) are looked down upon more than if you were the same age, but divorced???
Have any others felt that this is the prevailing mindset (of course there are exceptions, I'm just talking overall)??
I just can't fathom as to why anyone would look down more on someone who has never been married (an unknown quantity), vs someone who has a proven track record of failure, even if the divorce is not directly their fault, since much of the time the warning signs are there with a soon to be unstable partner.
It almost seems that there is a strong vibe in the core of many social circles where a divorce as looked upon as a plus, as if its thought of as getting a good education, especially when under 30.
Just seems ___ed up for anyone to have that point of view. I'm certainly not one to admonish anyone in that situation, but to somehow give it a "wink, wink" badge of honor is reprehensible to me.
So am I off-base when I perceive that society looks down upon never married men more than of divorced men of the same age, all other things being equal??
If so, why do you think so?
Who cares? Being gay, I learned not to care what other people think a long time ago. That is the key to happiness, or at least one of them.
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