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So,a while back,before we got married,I was told that I had a large cyst(it was big enough to make me look pregnant)and I was so scared about my health in general and my chances of having my own children as I was told that they would possibly remove both my ovaries.Long story short:The Doctors removed the cyst along with ovary successfully and everything is fine.However prior to my surgery I spoke to my husband(my then boyfriend)that I would rather we have babies soon if they would save atleast one ovary and then he agreed,he said he would not be selfish and let me live in fear of getting another cyst and having to remove my ovary before having children of our own and that really helped me calm down.And now that we are married,when I ask him about starting a family he gets annoyed at me and says that he is not ready,we would have to wait a few more years.And recently I shared with him about my fears of how having only one ovary and delaying having children could lead to fertility problems and how he seems to not appreciate me having to endure very painful menstrual pains(sorry too much info) and being scared of having another cyst and he said I can take out the ovary anytime I want.What does that mean?That he doesn't want children??and also how could he say we will have kids soon and then change his mind.I have tried talking to him but he gets annoyed.He has also admitted that in the past he considered being a sperm donors,so it bothers me that he would help another woman have a child but he is so hesistant with helping me have the chance of having children with him.If you were in my position how would deal with this?
before we got married ... I spoke ...that I would rather we have babies soon
... he agreed, he said he would not be selfish and ...
now that we are married, when I ask him about starting a family he gets annoyed at me
and says that he is not ready, we would have to wait a few more years.
You need OBJECTIVE terms, conditions and time frames in these statements.
Until you do have them... you're talking to a wall.
Quote:
I have tried talking to him but he gets annoyed.
If you were in my position how would deal with this?
Get a 3rd party involved (counseling).
This is the real issue not the babies
Sounds to me like he doesnt want kids and as a result he will never be ready..
In general if having kids was left up to us guys we would have become extinct as a species a long time ago.
You have a decision to make, staying with this guy has the potential to leave you with a barren life, you got to sit down and resolve this issue and seriously find out if he really doesnt want kids ever. at that point does it become a deal breaker where you will have to move on if you want a family,or will you accept the fact that staying with him you may never have a family ?
Welcome to the forum Aanon..
You need to talk to him, not us. We have no way to know what he's feeling. Ask him directly. And be prepared what you want to do depending on his answer.
He has also admitted that in the past he considered being a sperm donors,so it bothers me that he would help another woman have a child but he is so hesistant with helping me have the chance of having children with him.If you were in my position how would deal with this?
This has nothing to do with anything and the most irrational way you could possibly look at it. Him being a sperm donor isn't locking him to taking care of a child for the next 18 years. He will never see or even deal with the child. All he will do is ejaculate in a cup for a woman who wants to get pregnant, and leave.
Maybe when you were dating he assumed you could never have children, because that's the way it looked, and that was part of the reason he was with you? He may have said he would help but felt deep down it would never happen. Now, he's stuck between a rock and a hard spot.
You need to talk to him, not us. You are married to him. The fact you would ask strangers as opposed to your husband what his thought process is, says you likely need a counselor.
He was lying to you when he said he'd be ok with having kids right away. It should be obvious now, that that isn't what he wants, nor was it ever. Sorry, OP. It's quite possible that he doesn't ever want kids, but didn't want to tell you, because he didn't want you to break up with him. You married a guy who isn't honest.
Yep, that's weird. If all he needs is time, then see a Dr. and freeze some eggs/embryos just in case you become infertile.
It's possible that you are pestering him too much, even though it's an important issue. You need to be talking to a real person, like a therapist or professional counselor, not a bunch of people on the internet.
Do this on your own and deal with your issues first, as far as your worries and your fears. You may simply be stressing out too much over something that might turn out fine.
Once you get your head on straight, you might be able to communicate better with your husband. Till then, drop the subject.
You're not pestering him. You were up front with your desire to have children sooner rather than later and you have a very valid reason to want to do so. He agreed with you. Doesn't he understand there's a serious chance in a few more years you might not be able to have children? Makes me question if he wants kids at all and he only agreed to appease you at the time and thought he would worry about the details later.
You deserve an answer from him. If he never wants kids, then he needs to say so so you can decide if you want to stay in this relationship.
My Mother has one ovary and has me and my Brother and was pregnant a few more times but miscarried. The miscarriages were due to her overall health though not the fact that she has one ovary.
You and your husband have bigger issues than your one ovary from what you have written.
You need to talk to him and not random strangers on a public forum and you need to find out from him if he really just does not want children.
If he doesn't you both need to go to counseling to work through this if he will agree to counseling, otherwise you will have to look at other options.
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