Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I caught a morning radio show on the way to work and the segment was called "Group Therapy" where someone poses a dating question and they take several calls from listeners with opinions on what that person should do.
This morning a girl called in and I missed how they met, but he's very witty and flirty on text, but in person he barely speaks and is a lousy kisser. The results were split 50/50 on whether she should keep trying or move on, and it seemed the female callers said to keep trying and the males thought she should move on. A few responses were:
-take him out into social situations and draw him out more
-take him dancing or rock-climbing, something out of his element
-if you're already questioning things, it's time to move on
As I listened, my thoughts were that it shouldn't be so much effort to be with someone, and when you're just getting to know someone, how much do you want to invest in trying to draw them out of themselves?
Have you had a similar experience, and what did you do?
This sounds like a pretty extreme example. I've not been on any dates where the woman I went out with blew me away with her personality. I figure that on first dates, people are still warming up to the other person. They might be nervous, they might be shy. But that is not necessarily an indication of who they are as a person. If after several dates the individual does not come out of their shell, then I think it's appropriate to have a discussion with that person to let them know how you're feeling. If that doesn't work, then I think it's acceptable to move on to something else.
I don't care what anybody says. The truth of the matter is that the vast majority of people are extremely shallow, and they want what they want now (not tomorrow or the next day). That is why people are too easily motivated to give up on someone after a very short period of getting to know them. Welcome to the modern day version of dating, where you barely get an opportunity to make an impression.
This sounds like a pretty extreme example. I've not been on any dates where the woman I went out with blew me away with their personality. I figure that on first dates, people are still warming up to the other person. They might be nervous, they might be shy. But that is not necessarily an indication of who they are as a person. If after several dates the individual does not come out of their shell, then I think it's appropriate to have a discussion with that person to let them know how you're feeling. If that doesn't work, then I think it's acceptable to move on to something else.
I don't care what anybody says. The truth of the matter is that the vast majority of people are extremely shallow, and they want what they want now (not tomorrow or the next day). That is why people are too easily motivated to give up on someone after a very short period of getting to know them. Welcome to the modern day version of dating, where you barely get an opportunity to make an impression.
This sounds about right. Words for word.
I am very shy. But, if I am spoken to first, and we have common ground and can yap away and laugh with no problem. But I am shy in the since I rarely approach or speak 1st.
But I would hate if a guy wrote me off after 1 date of possibly shy behavior. Dating, like any relationship will take effort and work. However, if you don't know the person that well, it's easier to drop them and not look back. So, that's what many do.
I am very shy. But, if I am spoken to first, and we have common ground and can yap away and laugh with no problem. But I am shy in the since I rarely approach or speak 1st.
But I would hate if a guy wrote me off after 1 date of possibly shy behavior. Dating, like any relationship will take effort and work. However, if you don't know the person that well, it's easier to drop them and not look back. So, that's what many do.
This is exactly what I've been experiencing in the dating realm. It's the first date shake-and-flake. I go out and have a seemingly good time with the individual (nothing bad happens that would indicate a bad experience), and after that one opportunity, they flake and disappear without explanation. I've not met a single person who wants to put forth any effort. Why would they? They can go back on OKC or whatever dating site is available to them, and have five more dates lined up just like that.
That's why it's best to keep texting to a minimum before meeting in person. Managing expectations is critical and there are a bunch of socially awkward people out there that can text, but completely clam up when it comes to real life interaction. Sometimes a little alcohol can get them to loosen up though
This sounds like a pretty extreme example. I've not been on any dates where the woman I went out with blew me away with her personality. I figure that on first dates, people are still warming up to the other person. They might be nervous, they might be shy. But that is not necessarily an indication of who they are as a person. If after several dates the individual does not come out of their shell, then I think it's appropriate to have a discussion with that person to let them know how you're feeling. If that doesn't work, then I think it's acceptable to move on to something else.
I don't care what anybody says. The truth of the matter is that the vast majority of people are extremely shallow, and they want what they want now (not tomorrow or the next day). That is why people are too easily motivated to give up on someone after a very short period of getting to know them. Welcome to the modern day version of dating, where you barely get an opportunity to make an impression.
Considering the girl called in with this question, she's not writing him off immediately but wondering if she is wasting her time, how many dates should you have before a person is comfortable enough to talk in person the way they do on text.
I neglected to mention that the morning show hosts were debating how many people feel more comfortable behind a cell phone or computer screen than in person. IMO, it's a bit Jekyl and Hyde to be witty and outgoing in text messages but paralyzed and mute in person. Not too many people are going to be interested in having a relationship of typed communications.
Considering the girl called in with this question, she's not writing him off immediately but wondering if she is wasting her time, how many dates should you have before a person is comfortable enough to talk in person the way they do on text.
I neglected to mention that the morning show hosts were debating how many people feel more comfortable behind a cell phone or computer screen than in person. IMO, it's a bit Jekyl and Hyde to be witty and outgoing in text messages but paralyzed and mute in person. Not too many people are going to be interested in having a relationship of typed communications.
You'd be surprised... A lot of it going on right here
That's why it's best to keep texting to a minimum before meeting in person. Managing expectations is critical and there are a bunch of socially awkward people out there that can text, but completely clam up when it comes to real life interaction. Sometimes a little alcohol can get them to loosen up though
I think this is some very practical and sound advice. I'm more reserved when meeting someone for the first time, because that's just who I am. But I usually open up within the first 10-15 minutes. After a couple more meetings, they'll definitely start seeing my true personality.
I think this is some very practical and sound advice. I'm more reserved when meeting someone for the first time, because that's just who I am. But I usually open up within the first 10-15 minutes. After a couple more meetings, they'll definitely start seeing my true personality.
I think that's fairly typical of most people. What I don't understand in the radio show scenario is how you can be so witty and flirty, yet it doesn't carry over to when you're together in person. After the first night hubby and I met, we spent several hours the next night chatting on Facebook IM. The night after that we were on the phone for a few hours and it just built from there until the next time we saw each other (this was over the span of 6 days). How can you be witty and chatty and then have nothing to say when you're with that person? That suggests something much deeper than first date jitters or taking time to warm up to someone.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
