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i've never been friends w bens with anyone, but shouldnt you be able to talk to a friend about anything? I am trying to move on but he's all i think about and i hate this feeling.
Life is strange sometimes OP. You can only control your reactions to an event. Think of it as an experience and lesson learned. Do not look for closure when there isn't one. It was a physical act but that is not significant for the two of you to same degree. You appear more invested than him. So be it.
Hope you used protection. Never allow strangers to go bare back. Or you would be worrying about more than memories of this action.
And thats absolutely fine, im all for moving on but i neeed some closure. this was not a one night stand.
Uh...yes it was. Theres no closure to get, you guys met to do the deed, and that was that. It doesnt matter if your friends think you are just the best thing ever, to him it was just a strange piece. For fun.
Did you say this happened a year ago? And you are are still going on about a one night stand? No wonder this guy doesnt want to talk to you. You are probably scaring him.
i've never been friends w bens with anyone, but shouldnt you be able to talk to a friend about anything? I am trying to move on but he's all i think about and i hate this feeling.
Well some people misuse the term. You are correct that FWB means being friends. But this guy probably meant a sex buddy, meaning he's friendly until the hook up, then afterward, he's gone until he's ready for another hook up. A sex buddy is just someone you meet to have sex with, but you're not friends though.
And really FWB and Sex buddy relations are risky. You shouldn't get into these types of arrangements if you already have deeper feelings. Guys usually have FWB relations with women they don't see as relationship material for them. Now, they can develop into more. No doubt. But some guys' feelings don't change. And some women get overly attached through sex, which endears them to the guy.
A quote from someone older than I. On another forum. Married woman, with much more experience on her.
Quote:
Spoiler
So much of it has to do with brain chemicals being released during sex (such as endorphins) which by the way also perpetuate addiction in the brain when certain substances are used.
I'm probably the odd one. In past relations, I have many times told some of my partners up front that it's "just sex" yet they ended up wanting a relationship later which of course was a very frustrating situation for me.
Taken from another site:
" The principle function of endorphins is to inhibit the transmission of pain signals; they may also produce a feeling of euphoria very similar to that produced by other opioids"
Also taken from another site:
"A key hormone released during sex is oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’. This lowers our defences and makes us trust people more, says Dr Arun Ghosh, a GP specialising in sexual health at the Spire Liverpool Hospital.
It’s also the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy. Women produce more of this hormone, although it’s not clear why, and this means they are more likely to let their guard down and fall in love with a man after sex.
However, the problem is that the body can’t distinguish whether the person we’re with is a casual fling or marriage material — oxytocin is released either way. So while it might help you bond with the love of your life, it’s also the reason you may feel so miserable when a short-term relationship ends.
Men, on the other hand, instead of getting a surge of bonding hormone receive a surge of simple pleasure.
‘The problem is that when a man has an orgasm, the main hormone released is dopamine — the pleasure hormone. And this surge can be addictive,’ says Dr Ghosh.
That’s why so many more men tend to suffer from sex addiction."
So, Have you had casual sex before? Or was this the 1st guy where you threw caution to the wind and did something like this? If so, you may be one of the women that doesn't need to have sex outside of, and before, and exclusive relationship is already established. He told you outright it would just be casual sex. So, he didn't even lie and pretend you were special girlfriend material.
And if it's been a year, you may have turned him off to even wanting another hook up since you're so persistent in things, and he probably could tell you feelings were to deep for a casual sex relationship. So, you already liked this guy a bit more than you should have for FWB or Sex buddy, and the sex didn't help.
Uh...yes it was. Theres no closure to get, you guys met to do the deed, and that was that. It doesnt matter if your friends think you are just the best thing ever, to him it was just a strange piece. For fun.
Did you say this happened a year ago? And you are are still going on about a one night stand? No wonder this guy doesnt want to talk to you. You are probably scaring him.
She said it's not a one night stand even though it happened a year ago. Go figure.
She's naive and I think it was her first, too. Hope not.
i dont think so much about the sex but the time we spent getting to know each other and chatting and how caring and considerate he was. i think my feelings for him went past likeness.
i've never been friends w bens with anyone, but shouldnt you be able to talk to a friend about anything? I am trying to move on but he's all i think about and i hate this feeling.
Now you know how fwb typically pan out. It's all fun in the sack until one person developes feelings and the other doesn't.
It's been my experience, that most people go into these fwb/fb situations thinking he or she will change/make it more than what it is. That's rarely the case.
@anyrate, learn from this experience, and try not to repeat it. Be clear on your intentions from the beginning.
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