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Old 10-29-2014, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Woodinville
3,184 posts, read 4,845,493 times
Reputation: 6283

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Marriage takes effort. From BOTH parties. Sounds like neither of you has put any effort into the relationship in a while. This is what happens when you neglect to maintain and nurture your marriage.

It's real easy to claim him as the boring one, and say that your problems stem from him ignoring you. Well, take a long hard look at yourself too. When's the last time you put any effort into your relationship?
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Old 10-29-2014, 03:51 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
234 posts, read 327,784 times
Reputation: 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Garfunkle524 View Post
Marriage takes effort. From BOTH parties. Sounds like neither of you has put any effort into the relationship in a while. This is what happens when you neglect to maintain and nurture your marriage.

It's real easy to claim him as the boring one, and say that your problems stem from him ignoring you. Well, take a long hard look at yourself too. When's the last time you put any effort into your relationship?
Well, I don't exactly know what to do to improve it. Because he says he is totally fine and happy. Seems like I'm the one who wants more. We don't really spend quality time together, because he is busy all the time playing video games.
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Old 10-29-2014, 03:57 PM
 
Location: City Data Land
17,156 posts, read 12,954,427 times
Reputation: 33179
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
What the hell? You got married to be protected from the outside world? Let me guess, you have no job or career because that would be too much effort and you prefer staying home doing almost nothing.

Good luck with your life. It's going to be a doozy.
+1. OP, get a job.
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Old 10-29-2014, 04:10 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,758 posts, read 19,958,245 times
Reputation: 43158
Quote:
Originally Posted by juliatenn View Post
Well, I don't exactly know what to do to improve it. Because he says he is totally fine and happy. Seems like I'm the one who wants more. We don't really spend quality time together, because he is busy all the time playing video games.
No, he wants more, too. He is just too lazy to change anything. He rather buries himself behind video games and only shows his frustration when drunk.

You gotta sit him down and talk to him. You BOTH need to change things around and make your marriage more exciting. It seems like you both love each other, so there is the common interest. But changes only work if you are BOTH committed to them. One alone can't make it better.

Get counseling.
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Old 10-29-2014, 04:12 PM
 
3,201 posts, read 4,408,720 times
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i think it should be a law that if you enter into marriage that there is a minimum 5 yr commitment

you can split, but you wont be able to legally divorce till a 5 yr anniversary date
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Old 10-29-2014, 04:23 PM
 
833 posts, read 657,225 times
Reputation: 1341
Quote:
Originally Posted by juliatenn View Post
Well, everything isn't that bad as I make it sound. I guess I complain to much instead of being appreciative of what I have. Plus everything can't be perfect all the time. Marriage (our any relationship) is a work. So, I'll try harder and put more work into it, maybe really learn more about his interests as previous post advice. I don't know. Or maybe simply get busy and stop complaining. Want to change the world (or other person), start with yourself (as one wise man said). Everything is fine. What else to ask for.
You come across as very bright and I wish you lots of luck. Hope you can work it out with your husband and things go smoothly for you and your family. Remember more often than not the boredom is an internal assessment which can be reevaluated and new conclusions can be drawn that are more conducive to a better outcome.

If he is not abusive and still dedicated to you then work to strengthen your bond.
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Old 10-29-2014, 05:26 PM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,358,121 times
Reputation: 50373
Get out now - neither one of you loves the other. You don't have kids, it's only been 3 years - think where you'll be if you wait, have two kids and it's another 10 years down the road? No one gets married planning to divorce but there's no reason to ruin your life just to say you're married! And you don't have to find anyone else to feel better - you'll likely feel better all by yourself!
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Old 10-29-2014, 05:34 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,448,870 times
Reputation: 1294
Quote:
Originally Posted by juliatenn View Post
Been married 3 years. Probably im not the first person who gets bored and unsatisfied in a marriage. There are many things that annoy me about him and that annoy him about me. Sometimes it feels like... well, I got on a dating website thinking maybe this is the answer, but I am not interested in anyone, in fact nobody will fill that empty space in our relationship/marriage. When I got married I thought it's for life. I still strongly believe marriage should be once and forever. I just feel like if we dated longer I wouldn't marry him, because we are so different. But we have a house together, a cat and a dog. I don't wanna lose it of course. I wouldn't risk to get out the marriage because I feel like I could have a better life, and then to discover there is no better life or better husband out there.
He plays video games too much, doesn't take me out, doesn't even have sex when I want, I mean he became boring. One day he was drunk and said that he is not in love with me anymore. I mean we love each other, but it's a calm type of love, nothing exciting anymore. It's like when everything has become too routine.
So, I guess I wanted to see if there's people who felt this feeling being in a marriage/long term relationship. Maybe it's a temporary feeling? What's your thoughts / experience?
And thanks for reading that far.
Can totally relate. We just closed on a house today and my husband keep asking me if I'm excited. I did tell him I am not. How can i? His bro is moving with us plus my name is not in the deed.

So basically I am VERY unhappy, he got mad when I told him I am not excited at all. I don't know just have this dreaded feeling I won't live in that house for a year. Meaning I would eventually move out since he chose his bro over me to live with him there anyway.

I am just hurt more than anything. Very unhappy. Thinking if I should move all my things in that house or not since I really have a VERY strong feeling I am moving out real soon.
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Old 10-29-2014, 05:40 PM
 
Location: Woodinville
3,184 posts, read 4,845,493 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meaning View Post
His bro is moving with us plus my name is not in the deed.

...

he chose his bro over me to live with him there anyway.
Is his bro's name on the deed? Why is the bro moving in with you?
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Old 10-29-2014, 05:44 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,448,870 times
Reputation: 1294
Quote:
Originally Posted by Garfunkle524 View Post
Is his bro's name on the deed? Why is the bro moving in with you?
nope, it's just his name on it. His bro is unemployed and in the process of getting disability. his bro recently lost the house he was living in. It was in foreclosure for years. Finally got the eviction notice.
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