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I've never been married, but you need to accept that other people aren't there to have sex with you whenever you want it, and you need to spend time bonding with each other and connecting on an emotional level for the sex to be worthwhile.
Video games can get in the way of communication and so can a lot of other things... I would recommend setting some time aside to reconnect and to try to find what drew you to each other in the first place.
Been married 3 years. Probably im not the first person who gets bored and unsatisfied in a marriage. There are many things that annoy me about him and that annoy him about me. Sometimes it feels like... well, I got on a dating website thinking maybe this is the answer, but I am not interested in anyone, in fact nobody will fill that empty space in our relationship/marriage. When I got married I thought it's for life. I still strongly believe marriage should be once and forever. I just feel like if we dated longer I wouldn't marry him, because we are so different. But we have a house together, a cat and a dog. I don't wanna lose it of course. I wouldn't risk to get out the marriage because I feel like I could have a better life, and then to discover there is no better life or better husband out there.
He plays video games too much, doesn't take me out, doesn't even have sex when I want, I mean he became boring. One day he was drunk and said that he is not in love with me anymore. I mean we love each other, but it's a calm type of love, nothing exciting anymore. It's like when everything has become too routine.
So, I guess I wanted to see if there's people who felt this feeling being in a marriage/long term relationship. Maybe it's a temporary feeling? What's your thoughts / experience?
And thanks for reading that far.
Several things leap out at me.
First, he's the same person he was when you dated and married him. Don't forget that. A guy who sits on the sofa playing video games for hours when he's single will be a guy who sits on the sofa playing video games when he's married. Women make this mistake all the time, thinking the guy is somehow going to change, so they'll overlook these issues. But while you can change how he dresses, but you can't change the person within.
Second, marriage isn't constant excitement. Banish that notion from your head or you're in for some serious unhappiness. There are times when it's indeed just hanging out and doing nothing. But while I don't like to use expressions such as Marriage Being Work, it does require maintenance and updates. In that sense, I think the word Relationship is as much a verb as it is a noun, because it is more a state of existence than a piece of artwork in a museum to be occasionally dusted.
Third, if the guy's not wanting to have the humpalumpadingdong with you, there's something really wrong. Either you're not doing it for him anymore, he has a hormonal problem, or he has someone on the side. Not much wiggle room there.
So you need to decide if you're still the hottie you were when you first were in love and doing it everywhere, including the porch swing and the kitchen floor. If not, take immediate measures. If you've decided that you are still the hottie, then put on the leather catsuit, brandish the cat o' nine tails and whip his ass into shape (Figuratively speaking). You can't do all the work in your love life, after all.
And if those aren't working, counseling is your next step. Good luck.
I mostly agree with you. But if someone plays video games all day, who wants to be saddled to that?
So why did she marry him? Too bad the OP didn't respond to people's questions before taking off. And if she needs to go to extraordinary means to get him interested in sex, just 3 years in, what will she have to do when the proverbial "7-year itch" hits?
Oh well. She says she's too busy now to worry about it, whatever that means (she met a guy? She's pregnant?), so -- thread over.
So why did she marry him? Too bad the OP didn't respond to people's questions before taking off. And if she needs to go to extraordinary means to get him interested in sex, just 3 years in, what will she have to do when the proverbial "7-year itch" hits?
Oh well. She says she's too busy now to worry about it, whatever that means (she met a guy? She's pregnant?), so -- thread over.
Pretty much. Another thread where the OP doesn't want advice, but validation instead.
I agree, affairs are never worth it. It ends up hurting the cheater in the long run
I have been the cheater and been cheated on. Both had me feeling terrible. As the cheater, I felt like like I was on top of the world, like I was the man. That all lasted for about the first 15 minutes, until it really had a chance to sit and for me to reflect on what I had done and how I betrayed someone I called myself caring about. I was bombarded with loads of guilt, felt I was unworthy, and felt fearful wondering when it was going to catch up with me and blow up in my face. I literally tortured myself for months and it even had an effect on my digestive health. So I cosign, do not have an affair.
OP, now is the perfect time to evaluate if you think your marriage is worth moving forward. You have a house but no kids, so you're not overly involved to the point where it's not unpractical to try to determine if it's worth staying in a loveless marriage. Perhaps suggest to your husband to try counseling. If he's unwilling to try it, then that's telling of how little he cares about saving the marriage and you'll have more clarity. Stay off the dating websites because all that's going to do is open up a door to temptation, confusion, and demons. You might end up in a situation you didn't intend.
Been married 3 years. Probably im not the first person who gets bored and unsatisfied in a marriage. There are many things that annoy me about him and that annoy him about me. Sometimes it feels like... well, I got on a dating website thinking maybe this is the answer, but I am not interested in anyone, in fact nobody will fill that empty space in our relationship/marriage. When I got married I thought it's for life. I still strongly believe marriage should be once and forever. I just feel like if we dated longer I wouldn't marry him, because we are so different. But we have a house together, a cat and a dog. I don't wanna lose it of course. I wouldn't risk to get out the marriage because I feel like I could have a better life, and then to discover there is no better life or better husband out there.
He plays video games too much, doesn't take me out, doesn't even have sex when I want, I mean he became boring. One day he was drunk and said that he is not in love with me anymore. I mean we love each other, but it's a calm type of love, nothing exciting anymore. It's like when everything has become too routine.
So, I guess I wanted to see if there's people who felt this feeling being in a marriage/long term relationship. Maybe it's a temporary feeling? What's your thoughts / experience?
And thanks for reading that far.
I think both of you have doubts about this marriage now. If you feel love is still there, then give this relationship a chance. It can be very much of a temporary thing, but I don't think you can just sit there and wait. Maybe have a heart to heart talk, a vacation, if nothing works, counseling?
Been married 3 years. Probably im not the first person who gets bored and unsatisfied in a marriage. There are many things that annoy me about him and that annoy him about me. Sometimes it feels like... well, I got on a dating website thinking maybe this is the answer, but I am not interested in anyone, in fact nobody will fill that empty space in our relationship/marriage. When I got married I thought it's for life. I still strongly believe marriage should be once and forever. I just feel like if we dated longer I wouldn't marry him, because we are so different. But we have a house together, a cat and a dog. I don't wanna lose it of course. I wouldn't risk to get out the marriage because I feel like I could have a better life, and then to discover there is no better life or better husband out there.
He plays video games too much, doesn't take me out, doesn't even have sex when I want, I mean he became boring. One day he was drunk and said that he is not in love with me anymore. I mean we love each other, but it's a calm type of love, nothing exciting anymore. It's like when everything has become too routine.
So, I guess I wanted to see if there's people who felt this feeling being in a marriage/long term relationship. Maybe it's a temporary feeling? What's your thoughts / experience?
And thanks for reading that far.
You are bored with him and he is bored with you.
The two of you are likely boring people.
OTOH, there are people that keep it interesting for 30 years or more.
The problem is that you expect him to take care of your boredom and lack of happiness. It does not work that way.
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