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You know I find it funny that everyone is saying go get counseling, appreciate what you have, blah blah blah...
How would you feel if you weren't were getting [sex]???? Sex is a part of a intimate relationship. I sure as well wouldn't have stayed as long as he has. I give you props OP. I would have been out of there a long time ago. And don't give me any bs about saying I would have left a long time ago. I'm speaking the truth as obviously many of you aren't..
Did you read the thread? They are having sex, it's just not suiting him the way they have it. He seems not to care what stresses she's under, all that matters us he isn't getting it the way he thinks he should be.
You know I find it funny that everyone is saying go get counseling, appreciate what you have, blah blah blah...
How would you feel if you weren't were getting [sex]???? Sex is a part of a intimate relationship. I sure as well wouldn't have stayed as long as he has. I give you props OP. I would have been out of there a long time ago. And don't give me any bs about saying I would have left a long time ago. I'm speaking the truth as obviously many of you aren't..
I'm with you on this one. They are incompatible sexually. The OP just needs to determine if it is a big enough deal to do anything about it.
Long story short....I've been in a 5yr relationship where I am a very sexual man while she has a very low sex drive. .
There's no passion in it. It's sad because everything in our relationship is just about perfect. I've sat her down several times to speak about this issue. She'll make an attempt to be sexual in the following days but it actually turns me OFF because I know she's doing so as a result of our conversation and not because its who she is by nature. It just feels fake and forced.
I'm at a point where I'm thinking, do I just tell her this isnt working and we need to go our own ways before I cheat and hurt her? She's a wonderful woman and hurting her is the last thing I want to do but I dont know how much longer I can deal with being in a relationship where there is just no sexual chemistry between us.
Oh how I can relate to your situation except it was my husband who had no interest in sex. It's strange because back in the day, our sex life was amazing, but over the last five years, it diminished to nothing. ur concerns about cheating are well founded. And it was living a life with out passion that forced me to realize I want more out of a relationship, more out of marriage. It's difficult as he is my best friend, but I want more. I want a lover too.
Oh how I can relate to your situation except it was my husband who had no interest in sex. It's strange because back in the day, our sex life was amazing, but over the last five years, it diminished to nothing. ur concerns about cheating are well founded. And it was living a life with out passion that forced me to realize I want more out of a relationship, more out of marriage. It's difficult as he is my best friend, but I want more. I want a lover too.
My solution: We got to divorce court November 25.
"but over the last five years, it diminished to nothing"
And whats to say your next relationship doesn't take the same course and diminish to nothing or worse?
"but over the last five years, it diminished to nothing"
And whats to say your next relationship doesn't take the same course and diminish to nothing or worse?
I saw the signs early on but did nothing about them. His tastes, desires, whatever changed. Thought love was enough. Well for me, it's not. I want more. I'm 47, not dead.
Did you read the thread? They are having sex, it's just not suiting him the way they have it. He seems not to care what stresses she's under, all that matters us he isn't getting it the way he thinks he should be.
I don't need to read the all the pages. Sex with a dead fish isn't sex. Stress or not, figure it out so you're partner doesn't cheat on you. She has to take some responsibility here as well. She can't be selfish to hold him to a sexless marriage for the rest of his life. She needs to let him go and find happiness
I say, just go. As you've stated, you are in your 30s, kinda young to be sexually incompatible. I don't think she is at fault at all. Some people have low to no sex drive, and that is just how they are. She made the effort to please you, but it didn't mean anything to you. So be a good man and leave her alone. Go forth and find another that can satisfy you and be your companion. However, it does seem most only lean one way or the other. Perhaps those with higher sex drives are just terrible listeners? Good luck, OP.
Long story short....I've been in a 5yr relationship where I am a very sexual man while she has a very low sex drive. She tells me that she's always been this way and doesnt know why. She's been to doctors and they tell her the reason for it is due to work related stress. She tells me that she's deeply in love with me and it has nothing to do with me, but instead with her libido.
Sex with us (or for me at least) is just a physical act. There's no passion in it. It's sad because everthing in our relationship is just about perfect. I've sat her down several times to speak about this issue. She'll make an attempt to be sexual in the following days but it actually turns me OFF because I know she's doing so as a result of our conversation and not because its who she is by nature. It just feels fake and forced.
I'm at a point where I'm thinking, do I just tell her this isnt working and we need to go our own ways before I cheat and hurt her? She's a wonderful woman and hurting her is the last thing I want to do but I dont know how much longer I can deal with being in a relationship where there is just no sexual chemistry between us.
Depends. Do you think you can find someone as great as her but with sex drive? If sex is more important than her as a person, then get rid of her. Really not a difficult situation.
There's your problem. You seem much more interested in being porntastically blown away than in letting her be comfortably who she is. The cute cuddliness is probably the best foreplay for her. It takes time to naturally transition from snuggling to shagging, but it may be the only way it can happen organically for her.
You skipped over the question of whether or not she's comfortable with her body and sexuality. so apparently it just isn't that important to you.
I think in the long run, you'll do her a favor breaking up with her now. That way she doesn't have to live her life like she's on audition for Bang Bros, or worrying about you cheating on her.
This^^^
OP, let the girl go so she can find someone who makes her hot. You don't. You know what she wants but you are unwilling. Guess what, she is missing out on great sex too. You think you are doing her a favor by staying with her. If she hasn't thought about cheating yet, she will as soon as someone comes along and makes her feel the way you can't or won't.
Low libido but multiple doctors can't figure out why or offer possible remedies? No, dude, sounds like she is trying to spare your feelings. She is trying to save the relationship for the same reasons you are. Maybe she won't initiate because she isn't getting what she wants. Why bother? You might be too self-absorbed to see that. Let her go so that she can pursue a great sex life with someone more compatible.
Last edited by SimplySagacious; 11-01-2014 at 12:26 AM..
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ur concerns about cheating are well founded.
And it was living a life with out passion that forced me to realize I want more out of a relationship, more out of marriage. It's difficult as he is my best friend, but I want more. I want a lover too.
Good luck, OP.
