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I also don't have the time for it, to be honest. I'm a full time student with an 8AM class MWF and I also have a part time job. I can barely fit in time to eat at the end of the day, because I love sleep (still end up getting maybe 6 hrs at the most)
Then if you don't have time for it, ask him if you can do something else. At one point in time, you are going to come to the realization that you are in a relationship and these things will happen. You must be reasonable but not think that people are machines.
If you are too busy to REALLY GIVE YOURSELF as partner, consider limiting your interactions.
It's about being reasonable. You should accomodate and he should be reasonable in requests. Her not budging or refusing is the same as he pushing too hard. We are not freaking machines. We have our own personal tastes. But hey, don't get mad at his unlimited porn collection of straight haired pigeons if you decide to hold out.
Something tells me you have never had to strsighten naturally curly hair before....
But hey as long as she always looks the way he wants its all good, right?
It's only reasonable in this non machine world to give our partner everything they want with no thought or question.
I know, but it is the absolute way of thinking that really bugs me. We are people, not machines.
There are so many people that claim to want to be in relationships but then have a disclaimer that they have no time to date. Then why even get involved?
Then if you don't have time for it, ask him if you can do something else. At one point in time, you are going to come to the realization that you are in a relationship and these things will happen. You must be reasonable but not think that people are machines.
If you are too busy to REALLY GIVE YOURSELF as partner, consider limiting your interactions.
You're honestly a lot more heated on this subject than I am...
And he understands my busy schedule. He's in a fraternity and has an internship, as I am also greek and work.
As a woman with a wild head of curls that I view as one of my best features, I'm pretty sure I know where I would tell a guy to go who requested that I straighten it on a regular basis.
Funny story: My best friend used to LOVE pulling my hair out of its braid before we walked past the hair-straightening booth at the mall, just so she could watch the minions operating it run after me with pleas for me to stop and let them have their way with my curls. It cracked her up to no end. They'd offer to straighten it, and I'd say something like "No thanks, my hair is kinda awesome, so I don't want to mess with it."
In any case, all the guys I've dated have loved my hair. I think I'd be shocked if they asked me to change it.
Now, I'm not saying you never accommodate, but as someone who has never really tried to change someone I was with, I am not very liable to ask someone to change something about himself unless it was specifically to HIS benefit.
Now, for example, once I know a guy likes a particular kind of shirt on me, I'll go out of my way to wear that type of shirt on dates. Or if he likes me wearing my hair a certain way. But if he wants something from me that seriously disrupts my normal routine and involves a lot of effort I would not normally expend simply because he likes how it looks and he pushes it, my thinking is that maybe we're not such a great fit.
I'm 38 now, so the argument could be that I'm just set in my ways, but the truth is, I was always like this.
Something tells me you have never had to strsighten naturally curly hair before....
But hey as long as she always looks the way he wants its all good, right?
No, I am not saying that. She doesn't have to fall victim to pressure. It can be once a month for a weekend. But they have to communicate and establish some common grounds. It CAN'T BE ALL HIM OR HER.
The moment we start giving advice to someone about "don't do this or that" when it pertains to people and their personal tastes is when we start to thread on low waters. There is no absolute, only communication and being reasonable.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing
I know, but it is the absolute way of thinking that really bugs me. We are people, not machines.
Sure, we're people, not machines. So? That doesn't mean we pester partners to change for us. Why not just date people you like as they are?
My ladyfriend has naturally curly hair. I think it is cuter curly, she often likes to straight it... I have no idea why, but whatever. Its her body, she is an adult, I can take her or leave her as it is. Sure, I can say more often "you're hair is really cute" when I see her and it is curly, but I wouldn't be an ass and try to change how she likes to dress or style her hair FOR me. It's such a very shallow and low priority thing.
Her body is hers. My body is mine. We can take each other for the way we are, or we can decide not to. Fairly simple stuff.
Then if you don't have time for it, ask him if you can do something else. At one point in time, you are going to come to the realization that you are in a relationship and these things will happen. You must be reasonable but not think that people are machines.
If you are too busy to REALLY GIVE YOURSELF as partner, consider limiting your interactions.
Not really sure why you keep harping about people not being machines. Quite frankly, I'm amazed he has an opinion about her hair at all. She doesn't have time every day to straighten her hair, so no, she doesn't need to ask his permission to do something else to accommodate him instead.
SOME people demonstrated that way of thinking, but not the OP. She never said she would not give him ANYthing.
Straightening her hair is a huge ordeal. She is just weighing her options.
You are right, I wasn't speaking directly to her but with an audience in mind (those with the absolute way of thinking)
If she employs this mentality, she will run him off. If my ladies never wore or took initiative or offer me something in return that they can't provide, then it wouldn't work. It is a compromise. If people can't offer an alternative, then they need to reconsider being in a relationship.
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