Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing
You are right, I wasn't speaking directly to her but with an audience in mind (those with the absolute way of thinking)
If she employs this mentality, she will run him off. If my ladies never wore or took initiative or offer me something in return that they can't provide, then it wouldn't work. It is a compromise. If people can't offer an alternative, then they need to reconsider being in a relationship.
If she doesn't do what he wants her to do, she will run him off?
Good for her!
This isn't about compromising on thai vs japanese, or an action flick vs a romcon, but about how a person looks.
Then if you don't have time for it, ask him if you can do something else. At one point in time, you are going to come to the realization that you are in a relationship and these things will happen. You must be reasonable but not think that people are machines.
If you are too busy to REALLY GIVE YOURSELF as partner, consider limiting your interactions.
Engaging in a laborious process that disrupts your schedule at a time when you have other pressing priorities (like, you know, excelling academically) is not giving yourself. It's foolishness.
Give one's self? I spent 3 months searching for my ex's kidnapped child (bio mom took him) because my skills are particularly suited to something like that (my background is partly in research). I rearranged my schedule (juggling a full-time job and several side jobs at that time), didn't sleep or eat for much of that time, and nearly had a complete physical collapse. But yeah, I found the kid. So don't lecture me about giving one's self.
Nope, we're not machines. But not wanting to adopt a regular time-consuming regime that interferes with your life to meet your partner's preference (you know, rather than his need) is not selfish.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
Nope, we're not machines. But not wanting to adopt a regular time-consuming regime that interferes with your life to meet your partner's preference (you know, rather than his need) is not selfish.
No, asking your partner to go through that for such a minor things is selfish though.
You are right, I wasn't speaking directly to her but with an audience in mind (those with the absolute way of thinking)
If she employs this mentality, she will run him off. If my ladies never wore or took initiative or offer me something in return that they can't provide, then it wouldn't work. It is a compromise. If people can't offer an alternative, then they need to reconsider being in a relationship.
She said she does it on weekends--so she IS offering an alternative but did you read the part that he PUSHES her to do it everyday? That's the part I'm not liking. If she gives in to doing it 24/7, which she doesn't have the time for, then what's he going to start asking for next? I don't see the OP saying she wants HIM to change.
She said she does it on weekends--so she IS offering an alternative but did you read the part that he PUSHES her to do it everyday? That's the part I'm not liking. If she gives in to doing it 24/7, which she doesn't have the time for, then what's he going to start asking for next? I don't see the OP saying she wants HIM to change.
Listen, I understand the passion in the air. No hard feelings to everyone. I read what she wrote.
I am simply re-iterating that she needs to communicate and not keep quiet. She does it on weekends but if he keeps pushing, then she needs to communicate her position and say she can't and won't. However, if she is in a relationship that won't allow her the voice or to offer a compromise and him not willing to accept, then she should reconsider being with him. I don't believe this is the case. Therefore, she needs to open her mouth.
My other responses were for the absolutists that said not to change 1 bit as to not even do it on weekends considering the EMOTIONAL and Physical strain. I don't agree with that.
Bottom line is she offers the weekends and he accepts. If he wants more, then why is she in a relationship with a man that won’t take no for an answer.
At the same time, she can't be wishy washy about it either. It's hair, not giving
Problem here guys is it is simple. We are here telling her what to do but she isn't opening her mouth and putting her foot on the ground. It doesn't matter if he is overreacting or not. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to but she is clearly not opening her mouth which is why she is in this situation. Us telling her to stand her ground is not GROUND BREAKING. Yes, a play on words.
I am also saying that she she needs to realize that she will get these requests and will have to compromise or at least communicate- either or but action must be taken. We are not talking about being pushy. But, there is no such thing as "no i won't do it" just because I personally don't feel like giving into a request that a reasonable person would consider appropriate- when you are in a relationship. If you don't want to, communicate reasons why or offer a reasonable counter. Just saying no just because "I have no reason" other than to say no is not reasonable.
But, there is no such thing as "no i won't do it" just because I personally don't feel like giving into a request that a reasonable person would consider appropriate- when you are in a relationship.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
