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This was first used in a reply to someone in another forum, but several people wrote me privately asking that I put it in its own thread...
DON'T EVER HAVE AN AFFAIR!
My wife and I were 'geographically' separated by a couple hundred miles for 3 years. I'd get off of work on Friday - drive a few hours and be home with her late Friday night - and return to the town I work in on Sunday. I did that every weekend.
I got 'bored' and went on a singles dating site. I started chatting with someone - heck, she lived a couple of hundred miles away - it was just talk. We had all kinds of intimate conversations (aka phone sex) and it was exciting... To me, it really wasn't cheating - there was no contact.... (it was very wrong and WAS cheating...)
A few months go by and it turns out that she's now living within 20 miles of me... Her moving had nothing to do with me - it was just a weird - strange coincidence. The next thing you know we're meeting in person - the next thing you know, we're having sex and I'm living a double life...
The double life almost killed me. I was lying to my wife - lying to my mistress - and sometimes I'd forget what lie I told which woman - it was the most horrible thing I could have done - not only to these women - but to myself.
My gig got caught when the mistress called the wife and let her know about the affair. She (claimed) she wanted me to herself - was tired of sharing - and wanted all the cards on the table.
I had said (for months) that I would be telling the wife that I wanted a divorce. I told myself that lie so much that even I believed it... I loved my wife - she's the best thing that ever happened to me. I got attention from the mistress - (I got plenty of attention from the wife!) - but the mistress attention was new - was exciting - and was so very, very wrong.
From the day Madam-C (we'll call her that - use whatever C word you want to, but it's the ironically the first letter of her name) told my wife about our affair, I've not had any communication with her. I begged my wife to forgive me - and to accept me back into her life. Upset? Oh, more than upset... as she had every right to be. I betrayed - lied - and a host of other things, to her, that she most certainly did NOT deserve. Nobody deserves that... nobody.
My wife and I recently reaffirmed out commitment to each other by renewing our wedding vows. She's forgiven me, but I've not yet forgiven myself. I have this huge amount of guilt for what I did and every day I am faced with what I did - who I hurt - all because I was selfish, self centered and bored.
I urge you - I beg you - for your sake and your spouses sake to NOT have an affair. Even if you both want to venture out with the other's permission -TAKE SERIOUS THE VOWS THAT YOU SAID WHEN YOU MARRIED - and stay true to each other forever.
If you've thought about - or even already had an affair, seek out counseling and find a way to get the spark back in your marriage. Take him or her to the place where you both first met. Take them to the place where you first kissed - relive those moments when your relationship was new. Do ANYTHING other than have an AFFAIR - I beg you...
Last edited by TUMF; 10-30-2014 at 11:12 AM..
Reason: removed red text
Thanks for the advice. If you dont mind my asking why did you allow the mistres to know you had a wife,w here she lived and the phone number. Only thing I can guess is you are on facebook. If you are on facebook do not cheat or have affairs either.
I hope you eventually forgive yourself and I do hope that you and your wife can stay together for many years to come if that is what you both really want.
Good luck.
I hope you have learned from this and never go on a single's dating site again. I don't understand why married people do that in the first place. There is absolutely no reason to do that unless you consider cheating a possibility.
Forgiving you and recovering from your affair may well turn out to be different things for your wife, although she may not know it...yet.
Forgiveness is an important first step to her recovery and your relationship's recovery, but it is often just the beginning. The beginning of the end or the beginning of a better relationship? It's up to both of you.
I'm going to answer all the previous questions in one post..
doodlemagic - Madam-C knew I was married when we first started talking. I didn't hide it - and since I went to visit my wife every weekend - couldn't talk to or once she moved, visit her on the weekends, it's almost as if both of us were cheating on my wife....
CSD610 - thank you very much. I don't know that I'll ever fully forgive myself for what I've done. I knew of the harm the affair could have - I disregarded it due to a full bit of being self-centered and selfish. I see the change in me - my wife sees the change in me - we're about to be together full time as we sold our house where she was living and she's going to be with me very soon.
Dewdroplet76 - I wasn't considering cheating - I was just bored and was looking to see what it was like nowadays and took it WAY too far... way too far... and no, I didn't stutter. I was self consumed with the excitement of having someone interested in me - someone who made me feel alive - someone I didn't have any commitments to - therefore no drama from... I was reaping the benefits without having anything in the game... I was 100% all about me...
Frihed89 - I agree. But we're both on the same page - I still answer whatever questions she has (about the affair) - and am open and honest with my replies. I don't lie to her about anything - and when it seems as if I'm being questioned about what I've been doing - or who - if any - I've been talking to - I'm not upset with her asking - I'm upset that I've given her any suspicion in asking... For the record, I no longer talk to Madam-C - she's blocked on my phones and emails - I don't talk to anyone new - and the only conversations I have with anyone are all just friendly - nothing my wife would be upset about hearing - conversations with friends.
CapChick - NO. Things were getting to the point where I was about to confess to my wife. Feeling as that confession would have gotten expected results (she'd never want to see - talk - hear from me again - I was truly about to confess and be divorced. By the time the mistress told of our affair, I was disgusted with myself and (I know this sounds crazy stupid) not wanting to hurt my wife any more than I had already done - was wanting her to be happy, healthy, without me.
Forgiving you and recovering from your affair may well turn out to be different things for your wife, although she may not know it...yet.
Forgiveness is an important first step to her recovery and your relationship's recovery, but it is often just the beginning. The beginning of the end or the beginning of a better relationship? It's up to both of you.
There is no such thing as forgiveness. People just have short memories. – Rust Cohle
Dewdroplet76 - I wasn't considering cheating - I was just bored and was looking to see what it was like nowadays and took it WAY too far... way too far... and no, I didn't stutter. I was self consumed with the excitement of having someone interested in me - someone who made me feel alive - someone I didn't have any commitments to - therefore no drama from... I was reaping the benefits without having anything in the game... I was 100% all about me...
Whether or not you were consciously considering cheating - there is no reason for a married person to ever go on a single's dating site. You are leaving yourself open to the possibility of cheating whether you acknowledge it or not. I hope you never go on one again. There is absolutely no reason for you to ever be on a single's dating site.
This was first used in a reply to someone in another forum, but several people wrote me privately asking that I put it in its own thread...
DON'T EVER HAVE AN AFFAIR!
My wife and I were 'geographically' separated by a couple hundred miles for 3 years. I'd get off of work on Friday - drive a few hours and be home with her late Friday night - and return to the town I work in on Sunday. I did that every weekend.
I got 'bored' and went on a singles dating site. I started chatting with someone - heck, she lived a couple of hundred miles away - it was just talk. We had all kinds of intimate conversations (aka phone sex) and it was exciting... To me, it really wasn't cheating - there was no contact.... (it was very wrong and WAS cheating...)
A few months go by and it turns out that she's now living within 20 miles of me... Her moving had nothing to do with me - it was just a weird - strange coincidence. The next thing you know we're meeting in person - the next thing you know, we're having sex and I'm living a double life...
The double life almost killed me. I was lying to my wife - lying to my mistress - and sometimes I'd forget what lie I told which woman - it was the most horrible thing I could have done - not only to these women - but to myself.
My gig got caught when the mistress called the wife and let her know about the affair. She (claimed) she wanted me to herself - was tired of sharing - and wanted all the cards on the table.
I had said (for months) that I would be telling the wife that I wanted a divorce. I told myself that lie so much that even I believed it... I loved my wife - she's the best thing that ever happened to me. I got attention from the mistress - (I got plenty of attention from the wife!) - but the mistress attention was new - was exciting - and was so very, very wrong.
From the day Madam-C (we'll call her that - use whatever C word you want to, but it's the ironically the first letter of her name) told my wife about our affair, I've not had any communication with her. I begged my wife to forgive me - and to accept me back into her life. Upset? Oh, more than upset... as she had every right to be. I betrayed - lied - and a host of other things, to her, that she most certainly did NOT deserve. Nobody deserves that... nobody.
My wife and I recently reaffirmed out commitment to each other by renewing our wedding vows. She's forgiven me, but I've not yet forgiven myself. I have this huge amount of guilt for what I did and every day I am faced with what I did - who I hurt - all because I was selfish, self centered and bored.
I urge you - I beg you - for your sake and your spouses sake to NOT have an affair. Even if you both want to venture out with the other's permission -TAKE SERIOUS THE VOWS THAT YOU SAID WHEN YOU MARRIED - and stay true to each other forever.
If you've thought about - or even already had an affair, seek out counseling and find a way to get the spark back in your marriage. Take him or her to the place where you both first met. Take them to the place where you first kissed - relive those moments when your relationship was new. Do ANYTHING other than have an AFFAIR - I beg you...
such a statement would be the only one I would accept if I would be the wife. Anything less sincere and I would divorce the crap out of you and take every last cent out of your pocket.
I respect your open confession.
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Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
