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I get the concern about my husband here, but I'm truly NOT worried about him. Just that the way SHE is acting is starting to irk me.
I'm not controlling, nor do I monitor my husband's every move. In fact, he rolls his eyes and gets a bit annoyed when she texts him, but he doesn't want to cause issues at work.
Last night, out of the blue (without ME bringing anything up) he says "so is it just me, or is XXXXX acting like a stalker lately"?
So we talked a bit. Apparently, he has noticed her behavior. He says he heard (through the grapevine) that her ex-husband has a restraining order against her, and by doing some public records research, we found she has been charged with assault in the past.
She may want him, she may not, but I feel we're a united front and need to try to cut off this friendship and make sure we're "too busy" to socialize outside work (in hubby's case).
I don't think you were reading the OP that is in this thread because none of what you said applies. The whole premise of the post is wondering if there might be an issue with this woman trying to get close to her husband, a woman who is his coworker and is also supposed to be the OP's friend.
Her gut is telling her something may be off with the woman's intentions, but I don't see anywhere that the OP's husband is acting inappropriately, or that the OP is being insecure or a control freak. There is nothing wrong with protecting your marriage.
True but your spouse doesn't need to know what % of who initiates your conversations. They don't need to know the flow of conversation to include when the subjects turn with every person you speak to. Is there anything to hide? No. But this is not disclosure, this is called control. There is a reasonable expectation of privacy. She acting this way doesn't demonstrate trust at all.
And by the way, it is clearly not a choice. He is told that he is oblivious and that he wouldn't do anything even if she ran up on him. She is controlling his every move and thoughts.
I get the concern about my husband here, but I'm truly NOT worried about him. Just that the way SHE is acting is starting to irk me.
I'm not controlling, nor do I monitor my husband's every move. In fact, he rolls his eyes and gets a bit annoyed when she texts him, but he doesn't want to cause issues at work.
Last night, out of the blue (without ME bringing anything up) he says "so is it just me, or is XXXXX acting like a stalker lately"?
So we talked a bit. Apparently, he has noticed her behavior. He says he heard (through the grapevine) that her ex-husband has a restraining order against her, and by doing some public records research, we found she has been charged with assault in the past.
She may want him, she may not, but I feel we're a united front and need to try to cut off this friendship and make sure we're "too busy" to socialize outside work (in hubby's case).
I never got the "jealous" or "controlling" vibe some here said they did
Sounds like you two are very much a united front and that your gut instincts about her being interested in him were not all in your head
Just be less and less available to her, and don't jump to text back or return calls.
She may want him, she may not, but I feel we're a united front and need to try to cut off this friendship and make sure we're "too busy" to socialize outside work (in hubby's case).
Best case scenario!
It's so much better that he brought it up, and his choice of the word "stalker" shows that he is not tempted by her attention.
This past spring, my husband introduced me to a woman he works with. We both have a lot of the same interests, so he thought we'd make good friends. She actually lives in our neighborhood, so we have met up a few times now and have become friends - she and I really do get along well, and I don't have many other women friends here in OH.
I'm 37 and so is my husband. This woman is 28, single, and gorgeous. I have no reason to believe my husband has any alterior motives here, he rarely talks to her outside work in person unless she and I are doing something and he comes along or she's at our house. They do text but she initiates it 99% of the time.
However, here and there, I've suspected that this woman has alterior motives regarding my husband, and might have more of an interest in him than would be appropriate. She does occasionally text him at home, usually for work purposes (he fully discloses and doesn't hide anything), but then they usually chat a bit about other mundane stuff once the work discussion is over. She texts me too, however, often simultaneously.
Then it got a bit worse. Several times, she has made comments to me (usually without hubby around) that my husband is adorable or that I'm lucky to have him. These comments are becoming more frequent.
I told my husband about the "adorable" comment. He said "yeah, she says that at work sometimes, too, but says it to a lot of people".
However, last week we went for a walk around the neighborhood (hubby, kids and I) and she saw us, looked straight at my husband, got these big wide eyes and smile, and then came up to talk to us.
I'm starting to think she's trying to use me to get to him somehow. I don't have a reason to distrust my husband, but it makes me a bit uncomfortable, even though I'm sure my husband wouldn't take her up on it if she tried to make a move on him. Just the idea she may try. Or, it could be her personality, since she is the type of woman that calls a lot of things "cute" that she likes. What do you think? Am I overthinking this?
I really don't believe an affair is happening, there are no odd late night meetings, my husband rarely goes out of the house for non-work reasons for any length of time, etc. No odd behaviors that would suggest he's hiding anything. If anything, I think he's totally oblivious to the idea that this woman might have a crush or worse on him. Our sex life hasn't changed, either.
This lady needs to watch her step.
I feel that she's being disrespectful in subtle ways. I get that your husband may be adorable to several different people, but how would she like it if she were married and you kept calling her husband adorable? Sounds inappropriate. Completely unprofessional.
You don't trust her, which is perfectly okay. I'd keep my distance with this person. Sounds like trouble.
So we talked a bit. Apparently, he has noticed her behavior. He says he heard (through the grapevine) that her ex-husband has a restraining order against her, and by doing some public records research, we found she has been charged with assault in the past.
Oh boy. Sounds like cutting ties is a good idea. It's too bad your hubby will have to deal with her at work.
She sounds a little unhinged even if she doesn't mean to hit on your husband. Sounds like she has the kind of potential for drama you just don't need in your life!
Chiming in late here. Looks like you’ve solved the problem, but some thoughts anyway:
First, the word “adorable”. Most guys here would say that this woman is “friendzoning” your hubby, therefore not a threat, but that’s not quite true, since I’ve had pretty hot and wild sex in the past with women who called me “adorable”. My wife used to call me that in our pre-dating/early dating relationship, still does occasionally, and trust me – no lack of sexual attraction on her part then or now.
It depends on the context and the personality of the woman in question. Some women use “adorable” as a soft euphemism for hot, sexy, desirable, others use it for something more like a puppy or teddy bear. So that’s not so cut and dry. Others use adorable to describe anything they like in general, making it difficult to tell what they mean.
Regardless of that, all the signs point to this woman being a total psycho, and it seems your most recent post confirms this. Stay away.
I wouldn’t worry about your husband, sounds like he’s as convinced as you are that she’s loco.
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