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Which means that a guy should just make a move to find out for sure if he has a chance
Not sure what you mean by make a move... but if you are getting the, "you seem like a nice guy, but" excuse, you must have made some sort of advance/probably one she found decent and respectful, she's just not interested and wants to let you down easy. If you are talking about making a disrespectful or lewd move, you will still get rejected. It just won't be a nice one. Or worse, if you make a move and she has a boyfriend or husband nearby, you might end up with more than you bargained for.
I've heard women use this to describe men before and it's perplexing. When men act like gentleman, are polite, kind, helpful, etc., this is considered being too nice? Are some women looking for complete a**holes that will treat them poorly once in awhile? Does this help them feel challenged in some way (as in, I need to change this man for the better)? Or is this some type of defense mechanism they use to conceal their true feelings about a person? As in, maybe they like a guy who doesn't like them back, so this is their own personal triumph in shooting him down a notch.
To me, it seems kind of moronic to tell a guy that he's "too nice". I feel like we have enough a**holes in this world as it is. Shouldn't we be telling people to strive to be nicer to their fellow human being?
Personally, if a woman uses that line on me, I cut them out of my life completely. I'm too nice? Well, here are you walking papers.
When I was a lad, I didn't get it either but now, after a few more miles on my odometer , I interpret it as meaning that I was being called "too nice" because I was milquetoast. I didn't have anything interesting going on in my life, I didn't do interesting things, I didn't know anything interesting, etc. Similarly, I was too predictable and accomodating, and unwilling to take the lead or have an opposing point of view. Also, in effort to get her to like me, I would try to match her interests even if I didn't like them, and made every effort to not say any that was contrary or controversial.
In other words, I bored her. She didn't see an established, independent personality like a jar full of marbles, jelly beans, rice, rocks, ketchup, etc. with a warped lid a few scratches on it and maybe a sell date that was years ago. What she saw was a glass of watered down milk. Bleh...now that I think it, I agree with her.
[or maybe I should say them/they because it happened a lot back then ]
When I was a lad, I didn't get it either but now, after a few more miles on my odometer , I interpret it as meaning that I was being called "too nice" because I was milquetoast. I didn't have anything interesting going on in my life, I didn't do interesting things, I didn't know anything interesting, etc. Similarly, I was too predictable and accomodating, and unwilling to take the lead or have an opposing point of view. Also, in effort to get her to like me, I would try to match her interests even if I didn't like them, and made every effort to not say any that was contrary or controversial.
In other words, I bored her. She didn't see an established, independent personality like a jar full of marbles, jelly beans, rice, rocks, ketchup, etc. with a warped lid a few scratches on it and maybe a sell date that was years ago. What she saw was a glass of watered down milk. Bleh...now that I think it, I agree with her.
[or maybe I should say them/they because it happened a lot back then ]
This is very insightful too and I would agree 100%. I think Mikeetc understands the female mind and reasoning.
Not sure what you mean by make a move... but if you are getting the, "you seem like a nice guy, but" excuse, you must have made some sort of advance/probably one she found decent and respectful, she's just not interested and wants to let you down easy. If you are talking about making a disrespectful or lewd move, you will still get rejected. It just won't be a nice one. Or worse, if you make a move and she has a boyfriend or husband nearby, you might end up with more than you bargained for.
Im talking about if you are on a first meet and greet from meeting online. Rather than asking just make a move and see how she responds
Im talking about if you are on a first meet and greet from meeting online. Rather than asking just make a move and see how she responds
Oh, okay. I'd say read Mike's post above. I think his "milquetoast" example applies in that kind of case.
EDIT: I don't do it any more, but I wish I could go back in time when I did use the, "you're a nice guy but" excuse and slap myself for saying it. I know the intent is to reassure a man and not hurt his feelings, but I really think women do men and other women a disservice by using the "nice guy" excuse. It sends the false message to a man that he's not liked because he's a "nice guy" instead of the true message that he's a "wishy washy" guy or a "boring guy" or a "doormat guy." Then men think (logically), "gee, women don't like me because I am a nice guy... then women must like jerks!" And they go around acting like jerks and no one benefits.
I've heard women use this to describe men before and it's perplexing. When men act like gentleman, are polite, kind, helpful, etc., this is considered being too nice? Are some women looking for complete a**holes that will treat them poorly once in awhile? Does this help them feel challenged in some way (as in, I need to change this man for the better)? Or is this some type of defense mechanism they use to conceal their true feelings about a person? As in, maybe they like a guy who doesn't like them back, so this is their own personal triumph in shooting him down a notch.
To me, it seems kind of moronic to tell a guy that he's "too nice". I feel like we have enough a**holes in this world as it is. Shouldn't we be telling people to strive to be nicer to their fellow human being?
Personally, if a woman uses that line on me, I cut them out of my life completely. I'm too nice? Well, here are you walking papers.
"Too nice" can be code for boring.
"Too nice" can be code for someone who is giving to get, aka, emotionally manipulative.
"Too nice" can be code for someone who has low self-worth and is needy, aka looking for validation all the time.
Women don't want jerks, but they want someone who values himself enough to not be a doormat, who respects her enough to not try to manipulate her by playing on her sympathies, and who is able to not be a dull, uptight goody good all the time.
topic is best understood depending on the individual woman's perspective, so generalizations are of limited value here. for example, what a 25yo wants is different from what a 35yo wants, or great looking women versus average/"athletic", etc. so adjust accordingly. thus, if being called "nice" it's safe to assume the guy didn't peek her interest, whatever that may be for her. but this one is a good one:
Quote:
Originally Posted by FBJ
Boring or Unattractive
Last edited by Dr. Clean; 11-22-2014 at 10:10 PM..
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, I interpret it as meaning that I was being called "too nice" because I was milquetoast. I didn't have anything interesting going on in my life, I didn't do interesting things, I didn't know anything interesting, etc. Similarly, I was too predictable and accomodating, and unwilling to take the lead or have an opposing point of view. Also, in effort to get her to like me, I would try to match her interests even if I didn't like them, and made every effort to not say any that was contrary or controversial.
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