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It isn't ballsy when the other person bailed on the marriage. My high school g/f filed for divorce a couple of weeks ago. She didn't end the marriage. Her husband left and moved in with his new girlfriend. HE ended the marriage. She filed. She felt she had in order to secure the financial commitment from him for their three kids.
This is very common.
You are right about that, it is very common. Happened to me, and for others I know who are divorced, it isn't the person who left did the filing. They wanted out of the marriage, or were off busy playing with their new "toy" but didn't actually want the grown-up responsibility of legally ending the marriage they bailed on. I didn't want to be legally tied to my ex any longer than I had to, but for others, it was what you said about getting things in motion to have an order for child support to ensure their kids were being provided for.
I was resentful that I was on the hook for all the legal expenses, but if I didn't do it, no one else would have and who needed to be shackled to a cheater for any longer than absolutely necessary.
It isn't ballsy when the other person bailed on the marriage. ... HE ended the marriage. She filed. ...
This is very common.
anecdotal examples aside, i guess it is more socially acceptable to assume that it is the husbands' fault for failed marriages and wives have no other choice but to file.
i think that's the general explanation you want others to believe why nearly 80% of women file for divorce correct?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Clean
anecdotal examples aside, i guess it is more socially acceptable to assume that it is the husbands' fault for failed marriages and wives have no other choice but to file.
i think that's the general explanation you want others to believe why nearly 80% of women file for divorce correct?
Incorrect.
I don't think anyone seriously believes it is more likely the husbands fault on average for a marriage to fail. Just that the woman filing the paperwork doesn't equate with the woman initiating the divorce. That is the point.
I don't think anyone seriously believes it is more likely the husbands fault on average for a marriage to fail. Just that the woman filing the paperwork doesn't equate with the woman initiating the divorce. That is the point.
well, at least for me, filing the paperwork=initiating the divorce, but that may be a legal technicality.
and i likewise believe both are at fault in most failed marriages. it started as a joint committed life-long partnership where both parties has a significant amount of familiarity (generally speaking, or enough to make an informed decision) with the other and somehow ended up where one party had enough of the other's behavior and wanted to out, to end the partnership. but i also think we, as a society, have oversold the value and fantasy of being married and for some there tends to be an epiphany during marriage is a reality check moment. sure many couples are well suited for it, but apparently 50% discovered it wasn't for them, or at least with the one they are currently married to. i think we should promote domestic partnerships and cohabitation should be equally viable options.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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It's more like 30% found it wasn't for them, since that is the divorce rate for first marriages (according to the census).
But if I walked out on my wife and family, I would say I initiated the divorce. The filing of the paperwork, if my (to be ex) wife did it, would just be doing something I probably dragged my feet on. I think women mostly file because they're trying to protect their children. That's why my friend did it, as she has three kids and he just moved out and wasn't paying anything into the house expenses and it was crushing her.
It isn't ballsy when the other person bailed on the marriage. My high school g/f filed for divorce a couple of weeks ago. She didn't end the marriage. Her husband left and moved in with his new girlfriend. HE ended the marriage. She filed. She felt she had in order to secure the financial commitment from him for their three kids.
This is very common.
This is exactly what happened to me. My ex had been living with his girlfriend across town for a full year before I filed. Meanwhile I was paying 100% of the mortgage for the house we owned together, plus the second mortgage and all child care expenses (including private school tuition). I had to file so that I could refinance the house in my name, pay off the second mortgage, get his half of the school expenses and a visitation schedule so that the kids could be assured some sort of continuity with seeing their father.
He would have been very happy to keep the status quo going as long as possible as it was saving him a lot of money.
And our divorce was completely amicable! Can you believe it?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
And our divorce was completely amicable! Can you believe it?
I can. Most seem to be. It's another thing I find "funny" about this forum: the dudes complaining that the divorce courts take guys to the cleaners.
Very few divorces go to court at all, and even fewer to trial. It's pretty darn uncommon. And when you add that 30% of first marriages end in divorce, and about 5% of those divorces go to court, we're talking a relatively small number of possible cases where something really bad could happen. Yet, on this forum, the advice is "this will happen to you if you get married, the rigged court system will take all of YOUR assets".
1. Fear of rejection
2. Inexperience and a prior lack of general knowledge with regard to romantic relationships to begin with
3. Up to years of repeated and continuous, constant ongoing rejection
4. Not knowing the right thing to say or do, to win someone's heart
5. Not being in the right place/time to find the right person
6. Failure (fairly or unfairly) to make the best-possible first impression; not being given a fair chance at someone's heart
7. Potential feelings of being totally unlovable, or that no one will ever love them
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 11-04-2014 at 09:47 AM..
Reason: Adds / Edits
I don't think anyone seriously believes it is more likely the husbands fault on average for a marriage to fail. Just that the woman filing the paperwork doesn't equate with the woman initiating the divorce. That is the point.
I can. Most seem to be. It's another thing I find "funny" about this forum: the dudes complaining that the divorce courts take guys to the cleaners.
Very few divorces go to court at all, and even fewer to trial. It's pretty darn uncommon. And when you add that 30% of first marriages end in divorce, and about 5% of those divorces go to court, we're talking a relatively small number of possible cases where something really bad could happen. Yet, on this forum, the advice is "this will happen to you if you get married, the rigged court system will take all of YOUR assets".
umm, you got your info wrong and your generalizing to promote a conception you believe that is inaccurate according to a vast majority of divorce attorneys. i get it you want to believe it the blessings of marriage, and that's okay more power to you, but just compare your comments to those in these clips.
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