How did you know you met the "ONE?" (husband, Valentine's Day)

[jrsydevil82]

Originally Posted by MMorena

Sorry I've been away but there's a lot of interesting viewpoints on here; all of which are respected but I do find it interesting that people blame marriage as the reason the concept of the "one" is flawed...it's not the institution that makes the union fail, it's the two people involved. My guess is the couples that found themselves divorced, fell into two categories: they stopped working side by side with their spouse and begin only looking at their needs/desires or they were never in love to begin with--just infatuated.

I know marriages that have failed for numbers of reasons. Either they didn't have that much in common, but they were young and felt in love (like my sister's first marriage), or money problems. We have a friend who is mentioning the possibility of divorcing his wife. It's a sad situation. They were together for 9 years before they got married, and never seemed to have that much in common & seemed to fight a lot. We felt disappointed when they got married. Now they have a 1 year old, and they aren't getting along in any way shape or form. I just want to ask him...did you REALLY thing getting married and having a child would FIX your problems? Overall, I think he just felt like he would never find someone better.

People need to take the time to find out if their mate is really their top match, or if they're just getting married to fix something, or out of fear of not finding someone better.

[strawberrykiki]

Originally Posted by MMorena

That's what I mean, like how do you recover from that!? You can't always control how far you fall for someone, and like I said, for me at least this type of emotion isn't coming from a place of neediness, I don't fee like I need this person in my life to complete me but I am having just about the hardest time moving on.

It's like I've come to place where I've accepted we aren't together and I'm good with that, I understand I can't control or force him to be with me, but I can't seem to force my feelings to disappear!

Life would be so easy if we could control our feelings wouldn't it? I recently fell for a guy who is moving because of his job. I knew from the beginning it was likely he would have to leave, but I fell anyway just like I'm sure you knew this guy came with baggage from a prior relationship. I've never felt this way about anyone before - he's just a wonderful person and we are so compatible in every single way. I created a thread a few days ago about timing. Timing is everything. It's hard to accept you met the right person at the wrong time.

All you can do is just try to keep enjoying your life and moving forward. Eventually it will get easier. And if this guy is the one for you, then one day he will come back into your life. I'm not telling you to sit around waiting on a fantasy, but maybe when he works through his issues and gets over his past relationship, it will be the right time for you guys.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by MMorena

That's what I mean, like how do you recover from that!? You can't always control how far you fall for someone, and like I said, for me at least this type of emotion isn't coming from a place of neediness, I don't fee like I need this person in my life to complete me but I am having just about the hardest time moving on.

It's like I've come to place where I've accepted we aren't together and I'm good with that, I understand I can't control or force him to be with me, but I can't seem to force my feelings to disappear!

I don't know. I'm not good at it. Time helps. Time and time. It sometimes takes me years, and when I see the person again, it feels like I'm thrown backward.

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

Life would be so easy if we could control our feelings wouldn't it? I recently fell for a guy who is moving because of his job. I knew from the beginning it was likely he would have to leave, but I fell anyway just like I'm sure you knew this guy came with baggage from a prior relationship. I've never felt this way about anyone before - he's just a wonderful person and we are so compatible in every single way. I created a thread a few days ago about timing. Timing is everything. It's hard to accept you met the right person at the wrong time.

All you can do is just try to keep enjoying your life and moving forward. Eventually it will get easier. And if this guy is the one for you, then one day he will come back into your life. I'm not telling you to sit around waiting on a fantasy, but maybe when he works through his issues and gets over his past relationship, it will be the right time for you guys.

Sorry, that sucks, but I think you're spot on. The timing thing is brutal.

[strawberrykiki]

Originally Posted by timberline742

I don't know. I'm not good at it. Time helps. Time and time. It sometimes takes me years, and when I see the person again, it feels like I'm thrown backward.




Sorry, that sucks, but I think you're spot on. The timing thing is brutal.

I think we need a broken hearts thread - hah. Sorry things aren't working out for you, timberline!

[timberline742]

Thanks. I knew it wouldn't in my head once it started (she was on a harsh rebound), but it felt so right and I fell hard. She fell for me too, but it was fleeting for her... once the honeymoon was over... well, back to healing from the previous relationship. I guess.

[MMorena]

Originally Posted by Butterflyfish

My advice would be to practice meditation and learn to discipline your mind. With all due respect, MMorena, you seem like you might be mentally/emotionally stuck in an unhealthy place. I'm not sure if you mentioned how long this has been going on. More than a year is too long, IMO.

Of course, your problem might vanish instantly some day when a new man walks into your life and your heart skips a beat.

Meditation is wonderful help, that and vision boards/affirmations, unfortunately though I fall away from them during certain periods of the school year, so I'm having a hard time managing time for a half an hour to an hour of it but I think I'm going to pick it back on up. In terms of the mentally/emotionally unstable thing, hmm not sure what I could have said or done to make you think that. I'm not posting a thread crying over the guy, I just want to know how other people forgot the memory of serious loves.

Originally Posted by jrsydevil82

I know marriages that have failed for numbers of reasons. Either they didn't have that much in common, but they were young and felt in love (like my sister's first marriage), or money problems. We have a friend who is mentioning the possibility of divorcing his wife. It's a sad situation. They were together for 9 years before they got married, and never seemed to have that much in common & seemed to fight a lot. We felt disappointed when they got married. Now they have a 1 year old, and they aren't getting along in any way shape or form. I just want to ask him...did you REALLY thing getting married and having a child would FIX your problems? Overall, I think he just felt like he would never find someone better.

People need to take the time to find out if their mate is really their top match, or if they're just getting married to fix something, or out of fear of not finding someone better.

That's really sad to read, but a lot of what you say makes sense. I think a lot of people do marry because they don't think they'd find anyone else, I'm just not sure why he spent 9 years of her life dating if he didn't feel compatible with her then. Well I sure do hope things can work out for them in the end.

Originally Posted by timberline742

I don't know. I'm not good at it. Time helps. Time and time. It sometimes takes me years, and when I see the person again, it feels like I'm thrown backward.

Seeing them can be a total setback and especially if they try to speak to you!

[MMorena]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

Life would be so easy if we could control our feelings wouldn't it? I recently fell for a guy who is moving because of his job. I knew from the beginning it was likely he would have to leave, but I fell anyway just like I'm sure you knew this guy came with baggage from a prior relationship. I've never felt this way about anyone before - he's just a wonderful person and we are so compatible in every single way. I created a thread a few days ago about timing. Timing is everything. It's hard to accept you met the right person at the wrong time.

All you can do is just try to keep enjoying your life and moving forward. Eventually it will get easier. And if this guy is the one for you, then one day he will come back into your life. I'm not telling you to sit around waiting on a fantasy, but maybe when he works through his issues and gets over his past relationship, it will be the right time for you guys.

Thanks Strawberry (I saw the message that came along with the rep points, but I have no idea how do you send those it said "hugs for you") I'm sorry you're experiencing this, because it certainly does suck. I think it would be lovely if it was one of those stories where in time we do get back together but I honestly don't like thinking of it haha. Thankfully I'll be graduating soon and moving cities so maybe that will be my solace and I hope you find yours

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by MMorena

Seeing them can be a total setback and especially if they try to speak to you!

Yeah, I even think social media nowadays hinders healing. Even if I stop following or defriend, I find out stuff from friends of friends, and it stinks.

[strawberrykiki]

Originally Posted by MMorena

Thanks Strawberry (I saw the message that came along with the rep points, but I have no idea how do you send those it said "hugs for you") I'm sorry you're experiencing this, because it certainly does suck. I think it would be lovely if it was one of those stories where in time we do get back together but I honestly don't like thinking of it haha. Thankfully I'll be graduating soon and moving cities so maybe that will be my solace and I hope you find yours

You're welcome! You're right it's best not to think of it because holding out hope that may not exist just hinders healing. In my situation, I am not certain it is over and I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I'm just not ready to let go of hope yet even if I should.

Graduating and moving cities will definitely help you and give you something to plan for for your future!

[Butterflyfish]

Originally Posted by MMorena

Meditation is wonderful help, that and vision boards/affirmations, unfortunately though I fall away from them during certain periods of the school year, so I'm having a hard time managing time for a half an hour to an hour of it but I think I'm going to pick it back on up. In terms of the mentally/emotionally unstable thing, hmm not sure what I could have said or done to make you think that. I'm not posting a thread crying over the guy, I just want to know how other people forgot the memory of serious loves. Seeing them can be a total setback and especially if they try to speak to you!

I think I said that you seemed to be mentally "stuck" not mentally unstable! It was your statements that you can't "let go" and that it has "ruined you" for any other relationship because no one else compares to the memory of this guy that prompted my comment. Again, I think you would benefit greatly from meditation and to practice living in the here and now.