Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I could not disagree with this post anymore. However bad this woman's boyfriend treats her there is something there she just cannot let go of. It doesn't matter how good looking or charming our OP is, she's hung up on this other dude, period. I don't see how any good would come of him just laying one on her. First of all, jerk or no jerk, she does have a boyfriend, so that doesn't really seem appropriate. She knows OP is a good guy obviously or she wouldn't be spilling her problems to him. It's pretty simple. If she wasn't hung up on her boyfriend and liked the OP, she would dump the loser. I seriously wouldn't hold my breath on her ditching him anytime soon and I think OP did the right thing.
she is only with bf until someone better comes along, someone who wants her more, someone who gives her the attention she needs, someone that will make her feel more important and valued that she is feeling now. someone who will love her like no other... and someone who will recognize the opportunity to be with her and who will take it, hold on to it, and let her know this he is that someone.
This sounds like she's using you for what she can't have from the guy she's in a relationship with, and that you've been "friend zoned" to the max. In my opinion these things never go well for the "friend". I would give her the ultimatum and not wait for her SO to decide.
I cut things off with her for good. That, in a sense, is my ultimatum I guess. If she thinks I'm worth it, then she can come after me. If not, then there's my answer. The flirtiness and openness was all an act because she wasn't getting that from her BF.
OP, I noticed you did not respond to this or any other post by Dr. Clean. Why not? ^^^This is time-tested, fantastic advice you should really be considering. We all know couples who were friends first and the 'new' guy helped ween the woman off of the 'old' guy. Sometimes they totally grease the wheels by critisizing the 'old' guy and always being there for her. Do not worry that you are not her #1, that's BS, probably just her oxytocin talking anyway. That concert was the perfect way to squeeze in with her.
Then I read you gave up . I guess you may know instinctlively that she doesn't go for you like that but then again you could just be hard on yourself. Or maybe you don't want to busy your life in case it goes well and she kisses you back.
If you ever want an attractive girlfriend, you'll almost certainly need to play this game.
This is bad advice all around. I especially find the bolded funny. So many effed-up people out there playing games. If you have to resort to this nonsense, it's not worth it.
she is only with bf until someone better comes along, someone who wants her more, someone who gives her the attention she needs, someone that will make her feel more important and valued that she is feeling now. someone who will love her like no other... and someone who will recognize the opportunity to be with her and who will take it, hold on to it, and let her know this he is that someone.
I would have offered all of these things to her, but apparently she didn't see me as the "better" option.
she is only with bf until someone better comes along, someone who wants her more, someone who gives her the attention she needs, someone that will make her feel more important and valued that she is feeling now. someone who will love her like no other... and someone who will recognize the opportunity to be with her and who will take it, hold on to it, and let her know this he is that someone.
If that is true, then that's sad and she's no good for the OP. It's pathetic to stay with someone only until someone better comes along. An emotionally healthy person would rather be alone and wait for the right person than stay with someone awful and wait for someone better. She needs to love and value herself.
I would have offered all of these things to her, but apparently she didn't see me as the "better" option.
I think Clean's point is that you should have offered those things, not just wished, and left yourself holding a bag full of "shoulda, coulda, woulda's". Though I think making a huge bold move would have been over the top. It sounds like you did your best. If she doesn't figure it out, it's her loss, and you wouldn't want someone that blind and hooked on bad treatment, would you? It points to issues. Too bad. Better luck next time, Fleur.
I could not disagree with this post anymore. However bad this woman's boyfriend treats her there is something there she just cannot let go of. It doesn't matter how good looking or charming our OP is, she's hung up on this other dude, period. I don't see how any good would come of him just laying one on her. First of all, jerk or no jerk, she does have a boyfriend, so that doesn't really seem appropriate. She knows OP is a good guy obviously or she wouldn't be spilling her problems to him. It's pretty simple. If she wasn't hung up on her boyfriend and liked the OP, she would dump the loser. I seriously wouldn't hold my breath on her ditching him anytime soon and I think OP did the right thing.
And yours would be 'nice guys finish last advice.' You're giving single, young women too much credit. I'll admit that if the woman was married with kids and no signs of an unhappy marriage, I'd advise what you say.
And look at the bolded ^^^ we can apply that same sentence to women in abusive relationships. So I guess you think a good friend (the OP) should do nothing to get her out of an abusive relationship? Seriously?
If that is true, then that's sad and she's no good for the OP. It's pathetic to stay with someone only until someone better comes along. An emotionally healthy person would rather be alone and wait for the right person than stay with someone awful and wait for someone better. She needs to love and value herself.
This. The sign of an emotionally healthy person is someone who's comfortable being alone until the right one comes along, not someone who constantly leapfrogs from one bad relationship to the next.
And yours would be 'nice guys finish last advice.' You're giving single, young women too much credit. I'll admit that if the woman was married with kids and no signs of an unhappy marriage, I'd advise what you say.
And look at the bolded ^^^ we can apply that same sentence to women in abusive relationships. So I guess you think a good friend (the OP) should do nothing to get her out of an abusive relationship? Seriously?
I can't force her out of a relationship, nor am I inclined to wait it out. There's nothing I dislike more than endeavors that waste my time and bare little to no fruit.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. I guess you may know instinctlively that she doesn't go for you like that but then again you could just be hard on yourself. Or maybe you don't want to busy your life in case it goes well and she kisses you back. 
