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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,943,649 times
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I never found that explanations help me. If I really like the person and want to make it work, I will debate the points, or if it is a specific thing, I may say I'll change. Or do whatever I felt necessarily to make it work.
I'd like to hear others comment on this. I'm torn between talking about how we're so different and incompatible (such as our politics, preferred weekend activities, and long-term plans to stay in the Baltimore area) and just keeping things short and brief.
I'm hoping we could still be friends.
Treat the relationship like an open wound, and honestly express yourself. I think that's what most people need/want is honesty.
Of all my ex's I'm still friends with, we're (I) am honest (with them) in every regard to how we (I) feel about our relationship. People understand. You're giving them the respect to be upfront. I think that's more freeing. And, when you do care about someone, the last thing you'd want to do is lie to them and lie to yourself. Put yourself in their shoes. Peaceful and amicable break-ups can occur. Talk and show w/your actions!
(Disclaimer: if they sling shots, I sling back- usually not the case if both parties are real w/each other)
just drop it in the mail and tell him to call you if he wants to talk about it more. for some reason, i think he will understand why you decided to handle it that way. good luck.
Treat the relationship like an open wound, and honestly express yourself. I think that's what most people need/want is honesty.
Of all my ex's I'm still friends with, we're (I) am honest (with them) in every regard to how we (I) feel about our relationship. People understand. You're giving them the respect to be upfront. I think that's more freeing. And, when you do care about someone, the last thing you'd want to do is lie to them and lie to yourself. Put yourself in their shoes. Peaceful and amicable break-ups can occur. Talk and show w/your actions!
(Disclaimer: if they sling shots, I sling back- usually not the case if both parties are real w/each other)
I started a thread about a week and a half ago looking for relationship advice; I've been dating a guy since August whom I've felt lukewarm about. He's done nothing wrong, but I'm certain that the relationship has no future potential. Though some replies were more useful than others, I'd like to thank everyone who gave me feedback. I appreciate all the thought that you've given to me and my love life.
I'd like to reach out one more time, I've decided that it needs to end. But, as a typical passive aggressive Midwesterner (Chicago and Minneapolis are home), I avoid confrontation at all costs, and I'm terrified of having to have "the talk."
I've decided to say exactly what I wrote above, and exactly what I wrote in my first post: "you've done nothing wrong, but I'm afraid this relationship does not have much long term potential."
I'd like to hear from other passive or passive aggressive people about what they did in similar situations. How to I support myself, and gain the courage to start the conversation? Also, I'd like to know where I should have the conversation? Ideally, I'd want to do it at his place, and then I could pick up my things and then leave, but his roommate is always home. Would a coffee shop be better? Should I just wait until the next time we're there without the roommate--that could take at least a week?
Thanks for your help.
I don't recall reading your first post, however the fear of dragging things out, especially as the holidays approach, needs to be greater than the fear of just biting the bullet and getting it over with. How long do you want to stress about a 3 month relationship that's not working for you, and how much more time of his and yours do you want to waste, just because you're too afraid to speak up?
I think you also need to fine-tune "I'm afraid this relationship does not have much long term potential" It's too vague. Something more along the lines of "I've appreciated the time we spent together but in my heart I do not feel this is right for me, so it's best that we go our separate ways". Maybe not those exact words, but you need to speak your feelings, be firm, direct and brief, and use language that doesn't leave any wiggle room to argue you into staying.
You just have to realize "the talk" is needed and for the betterment of everyone involved.
Once you start talking the rest will come. Don't leave openings for the future of the relationship if openings are not what you desire to have, make YOUR intentions clear.
It's not about conflict it's about getting the information out that each other needs to understand why a realtionship doesn't work for you.
Realize you cannot control what others feel. If they push back, let them speak thier minds.
But do not allow yourself to be manipulated in to things you know are not right for you.
Call him up. Say, "Griswold, I know we made plans to go to the ___________ this weekend, but I've changed my mind. I think I'll do something else. I'll call you if I feel like getting together another time. Bye." After that, just let him go to voice mail.
Do you think he has any inkling of what is going through your mind? Has your reaction to him shifted in a noticeable way? I think if he feels totally blindsided it will be a much harder conversation to have.
Do you think he has any inkling of what is going through your mind? Has your reaction to him shifted in a noticeable way? I think if he feels totally blindsided it will be a much harder conversation to have.
He'll be blindsided. He's totally head-over-heels with this relationship. Should I drop hints?
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Talk and show w/your actions!
