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So I'm pretty new to this but will try to get back to the point. I'm a lawyer that passed the bar not too long ago and was able to get a pretty sweet gig. I have a long term gf who I've been with for 4 years whom I planned to officially propose to during the winter holidays. With my new financial freedom I decided to help her get a new car (MB), mind you I drive a simple Nissan. Anyway, we get into a fight last weekend (where she is undoubtedly in the wrong) and instead of making things right and admitting she messed up she wants to split. So now we have the car in her name, which I intended to pay for, that she wants me to take back while blaming me for her financial burden. I think she's spoiled and once she terminated the relationship I no longer assume any responsibility for the car. Please give me some feedback.
It seems apparent that the loan for the car is not in your girlfriend's name. Therefore you are financially obligated to pay for the vehicle regardless of who has possession of it. If the title is in her name (which would be irregular since I don't know ANY finance company who is going to put a vehicle in someone's name who is not paying for it), then she has legal right to possession regardless of who is responsible for payment.
Being an attorney, you really should have known this.
Yes, the lease is up in January which we split( not an issue btw). I'm in the middle of traveling back and forth due to my position which my company pays for. Moving on, she wanted to drive her brand new car so I didn't bring an extra key nor do I leave a hidden one. Her phone was off the whole night and i wasn't able to reach her til 10am the next morning from the hotel phone. As for the engagement, she wanted a ring I couldn't afford while in school. I was planning to be in the position where I could by the end of the year. It wasn't a question of not being good enough but accepting the fact that many women want a beautiful ring which don't come cheap
All I can say about all of this is, if she would not marry you without a big expensive ring she does not love you, she loves what new, shiny, pretty, expensive you can provide for her.
If you both signed the lease continue to pay for it until January since that is the agreement you made.
After that she either gets the lease on her own or the vehicle goes back.
So the answer to my question is actually "She is good enough for you but you are not good enough for her".
Ponder that one if you wish.
If the car is in her name and there is a loan, did she qualify for the loan on her own? If yes, then she can afford the payments. If you co-signed, then I would take back the car and choose what to do with it. If it truly was a gift you would perferably have paid for it outright. If you were to marry her and planning to use your income to pay it off, then take it back and either drive it or sell it.
You guys have been together for a long time, relatively speaking. But it does sound like you have been passively brushing things off for the last few years, taking your space away to cool off after similar events. If this is the case, you guys were sliding downhill a long time ago. If you can't talk about things that bother you until you reach a resolution, then you really had nothing to begin with. If you are both walking away from uncomfortable conversations then you are not ready to be married IMHO, myself having been married for over 30 years. I don't have a picture-perfect marriage, there have been lots of hard times, but we stick it out and talk about things until both of us feel satisfied.
It is quite a petty reason but I think based on deeper problems. Having a young, single daughter I don't think the whole booty shake/arse grab is a big deal at all. Leaving you and your guests stranded...that's what taxis are for. It was your choice to ride along with her and not have your keys in your pocket. In an era where sexting and recreational sex seems to be the norm I think her actions are quite mild, a slow simmer. However, if this is enough to end it over I'm thinking you never had the makings of a marriage to start. Being a bit older I have seen this happen several times to friends. They helped one or the other through medical or law school and then broke up within a year. I think while you are in school the other person is your anchor. They help you with the day to day living and getting through school. They are the "normal" one going off to a job every day while the student lives in the vacuum of classes, studying, angst over the next exam, eventually passing the boards. But this does not make for marriage material in all cases. If both of you have not been stopping to work out the little things over the past 4 years, just walking away to cool off instead...the relationship is based on being able to walk away when times are tough. A true relationship has two people who are committed to sitting down and discussing issues like adults or finding a mediator to assist the process.
I did used to result to certain situations by just dust off little things here or there. Then little things became big things which lead me to not hold any reservations on my thoughts and feelings about the matter. I agree that we should be able to work things out and that has been my view on every situation we've had. However, discussing the incidents make her feel bad, not because I talk down to her or scold her simply because she has extreme perfection and lack of self esteem issues that has lead to a long time and current eating disorders and obvious inability to cope with conflict. I wasn't trying to manipulate her by placing money down for the car and allowing the payments to be made from my account. She always embarrassed about driving her old car and stated numerous times " what is she doing wrong where she isn't having the life she dreamed of and why no one wanted to give it to her". I did not terminate the relationship. She did. The decision was made when I said "that actions mean louder than words (this wasn't the first instance), so what do you think we should do to avoid instances like this ". She replied , " obviously I keep making promises and keep messing up so so we shouldn't be together.What do you want to do with the car?".
I did used to result to certain situations by just dust off little things here or there. Then little things became big things which lead me to not hold any reservations on my thoughts and feelings about the matter. I agree that we should be able to work things out and that has been my view on every situation we've had. However, discussing the incidents make her feel bad, not because I talk down to her or scold her simply because she has extreme perfection and lack of self esteem issues that has lead to a long time and current eating disorders and obvious inability to cope with conflict. I wasn't trying to manipulate her by placing money down for the car and allowing the payments to be made from my account. She always embarrassed about driving her old car and stated numerous times " what is she doing wrong where she isn't having the life she dreamed of and why no one wanted to give it to her". I did not terminate the relationship. She did. The decision was made when I said "that actions mean louder than words (this wasn't the first instance), so what do you think we should do to avoid instances like this ". She replied , " obviously I keep making promises and keep messing up so so we shouldn't be together.What do you want to do with the car?".
Red flag! Where did she get the idea that the life she wants should be handed to her? Most people make their own life and realize their own dreams through their own effort. Or not. And if not, they just live with lowered expectations.
She did you a favor by breaking it off. Now all you have to do is deal with the car. Take it back, and chalk this up to a learning experience. You should have broken it off with her the first time she said she didn't know why no one wanted to give her the life she thought she should have. Wow. Why would you want to be with someone like this? Are you into a lifetime of playing Santa Claus? Were you raised to believe that's men's role in life? If so, she found her match.
She always embarrassed about driving her old car and stated numerous times " what is she doing wrong where she isn't having the life she dreamed of and why no one wanted to give it to her".
It's her expectation that the things she wants in life should be handed to her or provided by someone else. Maybe you'll be happier dating someone who believes that she should work for what she wants and obtain it on her own.
This thread is going in circles and you seem decided upon making the relationship work, despite her showing all signs of this behavior having a good chance of continuing for life. The car, the diamond ring, etc. If you want to make it work, go make it work. Your post asked whether the ladies here view your ex as spoiled, and we all gave you clear answers.
Between her actions, the car, and the ring, she seems like a really crappy person to date. You are out of your mind if you take her back.
Also, I wonder if the car was paid off if she'd be singing the same tune?
If the loan and title are in her name then I wouldn't have any sympathy. Let her figure it out. I don't know where "it's OK to shake your azz and let other guys grab it" was part of your long term plan, in which you had discussed and was somewhat of a stipulation with the car?
Also, OP, you should have seen this coming so your own fault there.
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It's her expectation that the things she wants in life should be handed to her or provided by someone else. Maybe you'll be happier dating someone who believes that she should work for what she wants and obtain it on her own.
