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I had all my dates setup through IMs while I was actively dating online, LOL. But it was MY choice. I don't want to give my number to perfect stranger but I was willing to meet them.
Ya, I'm weird like that but I'm married now so my 'system' worked.
Ha! Fear not, I have enough of that for the both of us.
Seriously, though. I'm a woman. A human being. A mere mortal. And I'm 48. At this stage of life, if a man can't handle the thought that I might say, "I'm flattered, but no thanks," he has some serious issues. He should be long past the point of teaching his son how to talk to a woman in real time, never mind be capable of it himself.
He's also clueless: It's safe to say I wouldn't give my number to someone I would turn down in the first place, if he called. If I give a number, it's expected that he will use it to speak to me. I'm at the point where they get the landline first, and only get a cell number after an actual date is set up, on the day of the date, in case someone gets lost or something.
And then they get my old cell number, not my smartphone number. They can blow that thing up with all the stupid texts they want. If they ignore me when I say "I don't like to text and I only use this for emergencies or when I'm out," that's their own stupidity.
Yep. I'm a beyotch. Ooh-rah.
You're 48, and as tech-savvy as you imagine yourself to be, most 20-somethings do not exhibit the same patterns of behavior as you do. For starters, many no longer even have a land line or a separate cell phone or a separate smartphone. You'd be amazed at how many ppl in the younger generation possess just one phone which they use for just about everything. Furthermore, many actually prefer texting to calling - as I already mentioned (or perhaps alluded to) in my OP. You might justifiably lament this development, but it is what it is. Texting is to today's youth what calling was to the youth of previous generations.
But I guess what you've stated makes sense for those 40+ in the dating world.
Ha! Fear not, I have enough of that for the both of us.
Seriously, though. I'm a woman. A human being. A mere mortal. And I'm 48. At this stage of life, if a man can't handle the thought that I might say, "I'm flattered, but no thanks," he has some serious issues. He should be long past the point of teaching his son how to talk to a woman in real time, never mind be capable of it himself.
He's also clueless: It's safe to say I wouldn't give my number to someone I would turn down in the first place, if he called. If I give a number, it's expected that he will use it to speak to me. I'm at the point where they get the landline first, and only get a cell number after an actual date is set up, on the day of the date, in case someone gets lost or something.
And then they get my old cell number, not my smartphone number. They can blow that thing up with all the stupid texts they want. If they ignore me when I say "I don't like to text and I only use this for emergencies or when I'm out," that's their own stupidity.
You're 48, and as tech-savvy as you imagine yourself to be, most 20-somethings do not exhibit the same patterns of behavior as you do. For starters, many no longer even have a land line or a separate cell phone or a separate smartphone. You'd be amazed at how many ppl in the younger generation possess just one phone which they use for just about everything. Furthermore, many actually prefer texting to calling - as I already mentioned (or perhaps alluded to) in my OP. You might justifiably lament this development, but it is what it is. Texting is to today's youth what calling was to the youth of previous generations.
But I guess what you've stated makes sense for those 40+ in the dating world.
Nonsense. I have nieces and nephews in their 20s. People who like people and know how to interact with people talk to people. They want to hear the other person's voice, they want to laugh with the person, not 10 minutes after the joke was told.
In fact, my god-daughter, who is 24, is very big on "looking up," meaning not looking down at her phone and using her thumbs as her primary tools for communication. That's an attitude her boyfriend shares. Funny how that works.
This seems to be the new trend. Maybe it's you who are not as savvy as you imagine yourself to be.
Oh, and for the record, eight years ago, I had only a cell phone for a phone, long before any of you kids took to doing that. But when you work from home and use a headset as part of your business to call people all over the world, that doesn't work so well, nor does giving clients the impression that you are available 24-7. A dedicated landline is the best voice method for a business, with mobile phones as a back-up or for when you are on the road.
You're 48, and as tech-savvy as you imagine yourself to be, most 20-somethings do not exhibit the same patterns of behavior as you do. For starters, many no longer even have a land line or a separate cell phone or a separate smartphone. You'd be amazed at how many ppl in the younger generation possess just one phone which they use for just about everything. Furthermore, many actually prefer texting to calling - as I already mentioned (or perhaps alluded to) in my OP. You might justifiably lament this development, but it is what it is. Texting is to today's youth what calling was to the youth of previous generations.
But I guess what you've stated makes sense for those 40+ in the dating world.
I'm a 20-something myself and this is exactly true, in my experience, with people of my generation. I've literally had women and even guy friends for that matter, tell me NOT to call them but to text them exclusively. I bet I could go through my contacts in my phone right now and call 10 random people. Probably only 2 or maybe 3 would even answer or call me back if I left a message. If I did the same thing but instead texted 10 random people in my phone contacts, probably 9 of them, if not all, would text me back in a reasonable amount of time. People generally don't converse on the phone anymore in the younger generations, especially since smartphones became prevalent. Texting and sexting are big. They're like the new *having a conversation on the phone* of past generations.
This is just my theory but I think social media has caused this phenomenon. People are used to being on Facebook or Twitter typing comments. They're used to scrolling through pictures on Instagram and Pinterest. So, that's the new normal. Texting and sexting are just an extension of these social media platforms. I'm not saying I agree with it at all but that's just the way it is and that's the way things are trending right now.
I actually think social media and smartphones have made humans less connected, ironically, since they claim to do the opposite. Everything is so impersonal now and people generally couldn't care less about etiquette. Showing up 20 minutes late or canceling/changing plans at the last possible moment are considered "normal" now. Almost everyone is fake cause they project this false sense of self in their online, social media world, which isn't who they actually are in real life. This has to be one of the most difficult times in modern history to date if you're actually looking for a decent, respectful, responsible, genuine partner. The flip side is it's probably the easiest time in history if you're the promiscuous type and just looking for a STR or quick fling with all the media/apps that enable that.
I had all my dates setup through IMs while I was actively dating online, LOL. But it was MY choice. I don't want to give my number to perfect stranger but I was willing to meet them.
Ya, I'm weird like that but I'm married now so my 'system' worked.
I agreed. I found it a good exercise in boundary setting, and if I got a lot of argument from anyone, they were blocked. Respect my privacy unless and until I choose to let you in.
You're 48, and as tech-savvy as you imagine yourself to be, most 20-somethings do not exhibit the same patterns of behavior as you do. For starters, many no longer even have a land line or a separate cell phone or a separate smartphone. You'd be amazed at how many ppl in the younger generation possess just one phone which they use for just about everything. Furthermore, many actually prefer texting to calling - as I already mentioned (or perhaps alluded to) in my OP. You might justifiably lament this development, but it is what it is. Texting is to today's youth what calling was to the youth of previous generations.
But I guess what you've stated makes sense for those 40+ in the dating world.
I am 40+. I haven't had a landline since 2008, and the only reason I had it then was because it was the only way I could get internet without paying for a TV license (I was in the UK). I have preferred texting since it became available and have always had a pretty minimal calling plan on my cell phone. Before people texted regularly, they still used IM or email... so that's really what I did instead of calling. Some people really just don't like the phone.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ElysianEagle
This has happened to me and just about every guy I know at least once, typically when trying to set up a date with a girl. Sometimes it's after having gone on a few dates, other times when trying to set up the first date.
Guy/Girl: [insert friendly/flirty text messages here] Guy: We should go to [insert some place here]. Have you been? I hear lots of good things Girl: Oh that sounds awesome! It's one of my favorite places actually. I'd love to go with you! Guy: So when are you free next? Excited to meet up... Girl: [no response; girl disappears never to be heard/read from again].
Yes, I know, I know, this usually means she's either lost interest or never had any to begin with. I get it. But what always annoys me (and the guys it's happened to) is: why bother responding to the texts in the first place?! Why start making plans and then halfway through disappear? I know I'm not the only one this has happened to, as I mentioned before. This has happened actually not just via texting but also in online dating where you message each other for a while trying to set something up.
EDIT: for those who've suggested that I should call - yes, I do call, as do ALL of my friends. But we also text, because often when we call it goes to voicemail, but the girl will still respond via text messages the next day or something. Perhaps that's a topic for another thread.
I like texting because it doesn't put me on the spot. If you called and asked me on a date, I might agree, then regret it, then try to get out of it. If I text yes, it's more like a sure thing. I think texting is good initially.
As far as the text above, I would not respond to it. The last text would lead me to believe that you aren't serious. Without suggesting an actual date/time, you've give yourself a way out b/c you can always cry schedule conflict when I pick date/time. I find that insulting. In other words, you don't want to commit to a date/time first because you're afraid of rejection-----so, you want me to put myself out there first. But you're the one pursuing me. If that makes sense?
It kinda reminds of those people who say "we should meet up sometime" or "let's do lunch"----all meaningless.
If you really want to date a girl, the last line of the text should be a date and time. If she wants to date you, she'll say ok. If there's really a schedule conflict, she'll say no, and give you an explanation. This isn't a rejection, just pick another date. No response or a no (without explanation), she's not interested.
Here's why that's the conversation killer: When are you free next is an extremely awkward thing to say. What's she supposed to do, send you a link to her calendar or admit she has no plans for the weekend?
After she says oh yes I'd love to, then the guy should say how about this weekend? Are you free Friday or Saturday?
Then the conversation won't suddenly stop.
What you've done here, but asking "when are you free next?" is opt out on moving the conversation forward. Each communication needs to move it forward. When are you free next? is a place holder, leaving her again to move it forward.
Honestly. Try asking for a specific 2 evening window, and see it that's not better.
I had one tell me about this restaurant I should try in her town, they had the best such and such. But she didn't indicate we should go. Weird.
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