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This is quite true. I think OLD might even have a better population. It definitely is nice to be able to interact with people via the written word, even for just a few messages, you can learn a lot about how they carry themselves in how they speak in their writing, I believe.
Now see, OLD has not worked for me. And from what I can tell, it has not worked for a lot of people here either. I've gotten dates from OKC, but just about every single one of them fizzled out and became nothing. I think only one or two extended past the first date.
But my objective seems to be different from a lot of people. A lot of people here use it as a casual tool to have some fun. That's fine. But my goal is to actually have a relationship develop from it. Hence my frustration when every date I go on fizzles out.
This just re-establishes my opinion that people don't really want to help. They want to tell you what they think is right and they want you to go along with it.
This is what help is. People listen, they tell you what they believe is the right thing to do. What other form would you like help between strangers to take?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
Now see, OLD has not worked for me. And from what I can tell, it has not worked for a lot of people here either. I've gotten dates on there, but just about every single one of them fizzled out and became nothing. I think only one or two extended past the first date.
But my objective seems to be different from a lot of people. A lot of people here use it as a casual tool to have some fun. That's fine. But my goal is to actually have a relationship develop from it. Hence my frustration when every date I go on fizzles out.
Well I would expect the vast majority of them to fizzle out. You can have date after date, maybe have 1 in 5 go to second date, and fewer to third or more for year on end, then meet someone. It takes time. Years, perhaps even a decade or more. OLD has worked for me. I've met many of my best friends via OLD, met lovers and one person I thought I would marry, but it just didn't work after a few years, but that was after many years of trying. These things can't be rushed. You meet the right person when you meet them. OLD did force me to be more aggressive though, and I think that has paid a lot of dividends in non OLD dating as well. It isn't a platform for sitting back. I was way too passive in my 20s and just "wanted things to happen". I'm glad I learned to grow out of that.
This is what help is. People listen, they tell you what they believe is the right thing to do. What other form would you like help between strangers to take?
You misunderstand my point. I know what help is. But when you say this or that didn't work for you, you get chastised for it. That's my qualm.
Okay. Fair enough. Do you think you're being patient enough trying to put the advice into action?
I mean, I've been doing a lot of what has been suggested my whole adolescent/adult life. I've been on several dates, I've had relationships in the past, I've had women who were obsessed with me. But suddenly, it's all changed. I'm in my late 20s, and my prospects seem worse than they ever were even though my life is better in almost every respect than it ever was. Like somehow, I haven't made the cut to the next level of the dating/relationship stratosphere. It was never this difficult in my early to mid-20s. That's what I try to explain to people here. I am beginning to believe that you either have it or you don't. I feel like I don't have what it takes (the X factor) to be an attractive mate to opposite sex in my adulthood. At least, I have not met any decent, sane woman recently who has thought so (my ex of two years was nuts, so I don't count her). I just don't know what it is I'm lacking, and that's the source of my frustration. But nobody wants to be bothered with trying to understand this.
I can understand that, but not knowing you, it hard to be of help. You just might not be meeting the right people (yeah, duh).
I don't know how old you are. I'm in my mid 40s. But one thing I found that changed from my teens and early 20s to my early 30s and thereafter, is that everyone is far busier and have many competing interests. People rarely will be up for hanging out to just hang out and see what happens. You have to act fast, make a great first impression, and act upon the opportunity. In my 20s I'd meet people at parties, shows, class, etc and we could hang out a bit then maybe hook up and it often morph into dating. When I hit late 20s and 30s it was do it, do it now, make something happen. If not, there is probably a good chance I've never see them again. That is especially true if you're in a city of any decent size. I don't know if any of that is applicable to you.
I mean, I've been doing a lot of what has been suggested my whole adolescent/adult life. I've been on several dates, I've had relationships in the past, I've had women who were obsessed with me. But suddenly, it's all changed. I'm in my late 20s, and my prospects seem worse than they ever were even though my life is better in almost every respect than it ever was. Like somehow, I haven't made the cut to the next level of the dating/relationship stratosphere. It was never this difficult in my early to mid-20s. That's what I try to explain to people here. I am beginning to believe that you either have it or you don't. I feel like I don't have what it takes (the X factor) to be an attractive mate to opposite sex in my adulthood. At least, I have not met any decent, sane woman recently who has thought so (my ex of two years was nuts, so I don't count her). I just don't know what it is I'm lacking, and that's the source of my frustration. But nobody wants to be bothered with trying to understand this.
You have to stop and think about it. In your early 20s... you were most likely in school or fresh out of school (you seem like a smart guy, so I think you went to college). That environment is different than the "Grown-up" world. Only at that time are you in an environment where there are so many other people of the opposite sex, who are single, concentrated in one small area.
There isn't anything wrong with you... just about everyone finds it harder to meet people and date when they are out of college. It takes a whole lot more effort after college because 1) you aren't in the concentrated singles environment anymore and 2) people "are" starting to pair up and marry in their late 20s, early 30s and 3) A lot of people in their mid to late 20s and even early 30s (men and women) want to build up their careers at this time/pay off student debt and that eats up most of their time. Their focus just isn't on meeting anyone.
I am just saying, I understand your frustration, but also don't be so hard on yourself.
I can understand that, but not knowing you, it hard to be of help. You just might not be meeting the right people (yeah, duh).
I don't know how old you are. I'm in my mid 40s. But one thing I found that changed from my teens and early 20s to my early 30s and thereafter, is that everyone is far busier and have many competing interests. You have to act fast, make a great first impression, and act upon the opportunity. In my 20s I'd meet people at parties, shows, class, etc and we could hang out a bit then maybe hook up and it often morph into dating. When I hit late 20s and 30s it was do it, do it now, make something happen. If not, there is probably a good chance I've never see them again. That is especially true if you're in a city of any decent size. I don't know if any of that is applicable to you.
It is and I have done a lot of these things. I'm in a few Meetup groups. I joined some co-ed sports teams this summer. I joined OKC earlier in the year. I go to parties from time to time, but I haven't met anybody through those.
The competing interests is a valid point. I've come here with a couple of my own examples of this in the past. It seems that nobody has time for dating/relationships, even the ones that say they do.
I know it's probably difficult to understand, but I'm one of these silly people who's come to a point in their life and realized that they DON'T want to spend the rest of it alone. I've been pretty content being a loner for much of my life, but I'm done with that lifestyle. So each failure at a relationship weighs on me more and more. Especially since I feel like it's out of my control, that I just don't have it. It hurts even worse when you have other posters telling you how they have to beat the women off of them and that there's something not right about you.
I know it's probably difficult to understand, but I'm one of these silly people who's come to a point in their life and realized that they DON'T want to spend the rest of it alone. I've been pretty content being a loner for much of my life, but I'm done with that lifestyle. So each failure at a relationship weighs on me more and more. Especially since I feel like it's out of my control, that I just don't have it. It hurts even worse when you have other posters telling you how they have to beat the women off of them and that there's something not right about you.
I get that, and I know you want to find someone, but it sounds like you're burnt out. People can pick up on that. It might be good to take a break for 6-12 mos and forget about dating.
I just don't know what it is I'm lacking, and that's the source of my frustration. But nobody wants to be bothered with trying to understand this.
Such things really can't be diagnosed, or cogently discussed, in the anonymity of an online forum. They require in-person familiarity and the personal ministering of friendship. Online we can only speak in generalities - but then bristle when said generalities, being sweeping and simplistic, offend us as unfairly including us, or unfairly trivializing our concerns.
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