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Well, the stupidity of the Wait Til Marriage way of thinking is this: It used to be that people pretty much got married much younger, typically after the onset of puberty. And the stricture existed to prevent a child being born outside wedlock.
Now, the more typical age of marriage is around 25-30. So essentially, you're expecting people to wait 14-18 years. That's a long, long time.
Now, the more typical age of marriage is around 25-30. So essentially, you're expecting people to wait 14-18 years. That's a long, long time.
Yep. Average in the U.S. us is 28, to be exact-- 29 for men and 27 for women. Later than that in many parts of the U.S. and in many other countries, and for people of higher education levels, and getting later every year. And of course, that's just the average. I've known plenty of people who have waited until their 40's. Only a moron would expect people to be virgins throughout their 20's and 30's just because they're single.
I read the article. This woman blames keeping her virginity on her mental problems. Her problem is much greater than that, some which delve into religious teachings of Christianity, which I will go into in this forum. But that is the basis of her problem. She doesn't seem to understand that sex is great, fun and completely blessed by God in the context of marriage. I hope some day she figures it out. But there are hints of her problem when she says in her teen years that he whole identity was "being the virgin."
No one "taught" her that sex was shameful they merely said that sex before marriage is not acceptable.
There is a vast difference and it is not anyone's fault but her own that she did not ask questions until she understood the difference.
She said in the article that she did not know where to draw the line, that is when she should have started asking questions.
She is the one who felt shamed and guilty after having sex on her wedding night after she had been "taught" all those years that sex was good after marriage.
It is all too easy to blame other's for whatever issues come along even though the one with the issues should have started asking questions about anything they doubted or did not completely understand.
Just another "I have issues because of what my parents did to me" wanting attention story.
IMO, it's a parent's job to teach their children a healthy outlook on sexuality. Getting a bunch of 10-year-old girls together and having them make a life decision about something they're clueless on isn't a way to do that.
Does the article mention whether she tried asking questions or not? I feel like in situations like this, every single time the child does go asking about the Big Act, they get hushed or reprimanded once again about it being off limits until marriage.
Just some big way to avoid a healthy, and albeit awkward, discussion about the whole thing. As she said in her article, there's no point in this kind of manipulation besides policing female sexuality, which directly implies a woman's worth is based on her virginal status.
Quote:
I’m now thoroughly convinced that the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality.
Quote:
For more than a decade, I wore my virginity like a badge of honor. My church encouraged me to do so, saying my testimony would inspire other young girls to follow suit.
No one "taught" her that sex was shameful they merely said that sex before marriage is not acceptable.
There is a vast difference and it is not anyone's fault but her own that she did not ask questions until she understood the difference.
She said in the article that she did not know where to draw the line, that is when she should have started asking questions.
She is the one who felt shamed and guilty after having sex on her wedding night after she had been "taught" all those years that sex was good after marriage.
It is all too easy to blame other's for whatever issues come along even though the one with the issues should have started asking questions about anything they doubted or did not completely understand.
Just another "I have issues because of what my parents did to me" wanting attention story.
I don't think you understand what happened to this person. At age 10, even before puberty in this case, the church started conditioning her mind that sex was a dirty and evil thing and there would be dire consequences (like going to Hell) if she didn't wait. This is a very strong message to put into someone's mind at any age, much less at this very young age. But conditioning works best this way... the younger the better for fixing a particular message into the mind. Btw, it doesn't just have to be a religious group that does this, it can be a parent, playmates, anyone who's word we are vulnerable to accepting and who wants to practice some form of control over our minds. So this message gets drummed into her head, and it's no wonder that she had such a diffucult time after she got married. It's not going to happen over night that she is just going to drop all that was drummed into her mind and miraculously reset her thinking as if nothing ever happened.
What she had to do was seek professional help to undo all the damage that had been done to her mind. And that takes time. lots of time usually, and is expensive to boot. And sometimes it works, and other times it doesn't and you live with the consequences for the rest of your life. If you think about it, you can probably remember things that were said to you when you were young that have had a similar effect.
Its funny. Every woman talks about wanting a "big one" until they actually get a "big one!" Then its..."easy...wait...ouch...not like that...go slow...etc" LOL
Been there, wrecked that. That was my first marriage.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently.
Wow. Six years of not even being able to cop a feel with your fiance.
How do religious nuts justify shaming two monogamous people that want to explore a normal part of being red blooded human beings that love each other BEFORE taking some vows?
Oh good LORD. There will always be "nuts" out there, religious and otherwise, looking for some cause. Nothing forces a woman or man to remain virginal until marriage, that is purely a personal choice. She made the choice, and she alone. It sounds more to me that she had some deep-seated insecurity issues. I expect she is trying to find some cause for her problems, but that cause was certainly not the church.
Plenty of people remain virgins until marriage, and have perfectly happy sex lives. But if you already have some other issues going on, then yeah...you are going to have problems.
This is the author.
Samantha Pugsley is an English Studies graduate, freelance writer, and photographer. She’s a married, bisexual, artsy super nerd who loves Marvel, fantasy/science fiction novels, video games and writing fanfiction. She’s incredibly passionate about gender equality, female sexuality and reproductive rights as well as mental health reform.
Oh good LORD. There will always be "nuts" out there, religious and otherwise, looking for some cause. Nothing forces a woman or man to remain virginal until marriage, that is purely a personal choice. She made the choice, and she alone. It sounds more to me that she had some deep-seated insecurity issues. I expect she is trying to find some cause for her problems, but that cause was certainly not the church.
Plenty of people remain virgins until marriage, and have perfectly happy sex lives. But if you already have some other issues going on, then yeah...you are going to have problems.
This is the author.
Samantha Pugsley is an English Studies graduate, freelance writer, and photographer. She’s a married, bisexual, artsy super nerd who loves Marvel, fantasy/science fiction novels, video games and writing fanfiction. She’s incredibly passionate about gender equality, female sexuality and reproductive rights as well as mental health reform.
I respect your view, and agree that plenty of folks that make the decision to abstain until their wedding night end up in healthy, happy marriages. Where we differ is under what circumstances someone makes the decision to do that.
I have a good friend that married last year that saved sex until marriage (her husband didn't). She made the decision when she was a teenager and her parents still had an informative and honest talk about sex when she was young. In this scenario, it's my opinion that you're giving your kid the option to make an informed decision that's rooted in personal introspection of morals. That sort of thing takes some mature thought about the future and what abstinence really means.
When you round up a group of 10-year-old girls to create a party pack, this immediately sets the stage for peer pressure. I just don't think it's right to have a child that can't understand the emotional significance of sex and marriage to hold hands and promise they won't do it. And then hold them to that promise by reminding them they have an honor or badge to uphold. You are in a way forcing a child that's too young to make decisions for themselves and look up to others to guide them with pressure to make a choice under false pretenses. And then not giving them the opportunity to change their mind because you continue to shame sex and tell them they need to remain pure (which is a BS concept, imo).
I agree when you say "She made the choice, and she alone." At 10-years-old. Under the coercion of an adult and all the other little girls nodding along. I sympathize with how this could confuse a child and discourage open discussion of religious values (which sometimes requires respectful questioning of sexuality).
I think it's equally unfair to pass judgment that she's some sort of unstable whacko based on her interests listed in her bio as it is to blame radical religion for her choices.
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Been there, wrecked that. That was my first marriage.
How do religious nuts justify shaming two monogamous people that want to explore a normal part of being red blooded human beings that love each other BEFORE taking some vows?
