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I'm 48 and never married and no I don't remember them all. A few are better forgotten. I went through a period in my mid to late twenties where I went a little crazy after leaving the small town area I grew up in to a large city with several large colleges. The ones that I really hit it off with stand out pretty clear, the others not so much.
The day I can't remember three ex boyfriends and an ex husband is the day I've probably suffered some catastrophic head injury. Not everyone is interested in multiple partners or is into casual sex. For me, what makes sex fun/special is the extreme intimacy and closeness to a person you love. If the emotion isn't there, I am not interested (can't get turned on) so what's the point?
I thought you were looking for a weekend buddy who definitely needed his own place. Sounds like casual sex to me.
I thought you were looking for a weekend buddy who definitely needed his own place. Sounds like casual sex to me.
No... I am looking for a boyfriend/committed/LTR that has his own place. Not interested in moving in with someone--seems like so many people are in a hurry to "move in together." It's like wanting all the headaches of a marriage without getting married. As for the weekend thing, I said when I start dating someone I see it as going out on weekends mostly, until we are comfortable enough with each other to spend time at each others places during the week. I want to take things slow. (I know, it's a lot of dreaming... but I have friends/neighbors in relationships like... one man and his girlfriend have been together for 15 years like this... they are definitely a couple and do just about everything together. But they both own their own houses. My uncle and his girlfriend have been together for four years and have separate places, etc. I am looking for something similar.)
Maybe it's wishing for the moon, but I don't care. It's what I want. If I don't find a relationship like this, I also don't care... I am good. I just want a relationship, a companion, etc... don't "need" one.
I can't unless I really try. Then I'll remember one from a decade ago and be like wow, I can't believe I forgot about that one. I'm more whorish than I thought.
I can't unless I really try. Then I'll remember one from a decade ago and be like wow, I can't believe I forgot about that one. I'm more whorish than I thought.
Meh, I don't see what's so bad about having a lot of lovers.
Meh, I don't see what's so bad about having a lot of lovers.
There isn't. Play safe, don't be a jerk, be honest. If you're doing those things, you're not doing anything wrong.
Its interesting, that I've met people that really believe having casual sex / many lovers will prevent real connection. I've never seen that among my friends. The connections happen when they happen, and if they had 10 lovers or 100, they can still make emotional connections.
There isn't. Play safe, don't be a jerk, be honest. If you're doing those things, you're not doing anything wrong.
Its interesting, that I've met people that really believe having casual sex / many lovers will prevent real connection. I've never seen that among my friends. The connections happen when they happen, and if they had 10 lovers or 100, they can still make emotional connections.
There's a chicken/egg debate there. In many cases, it's not so much that promiscuous people can't develop emotions connections, but rather that people that have trouble making emotional connections might choose to be promiscuous. I'd fall into that category.
But I'd agree with you, someone wouldn't necessarily have a more difficult time making an emotional connection simply by nature of being promiscuous.
There's a chicken/egg debate there. In many cases, it's not so much that promiscuous people can't develop emotions connections, but rather that people that have trouble making emotional connections might choose to be promiscuous. I'd fall into that category.
But I'd agree with you, someone wouldn't necessarily have a more difficult time making an emotional connection simply by nature of being promiscuous.
That's true I suppose. It makes sense intellectually. I generally don't see it often though, as the people that I know some would consider promiscuous (WTF does that even mean, I wouldn't consider an adult that takes two lovers on average a year promiscuous, but some people would consider 40-50 a lot of lovers = the scenarios don't add up), or were promiscuous, are very extroverted and have very large social circles and deep, rich friendships (not acquaintances masquerading as friends). But perhaps the romantic connections are a bit different in some ways, I suppose. Pretty much every party type I knew in my 20s settled down and have been married 10-15 years or so now. The ones that I meet now that are out getting around were those that married young, were married 10-15 years, and are happy being free and having sex again!
There's a chicken/egg debate there. In many cases, it's not so much that promiscuous people can't develop emotions connections, but rather that people that have trouble making emotional connections might choose to be promiscuous. I'd fall into that category.
But I'd agree with you, someone wouldn't necessarily have a more difficult time making an emotional connection simply by nature of being promiscuous.
Just goes to show we are all different and you really can't judge by someone's history. It might be a guideline or sorts, but until you really know the person, it's all guesswork and you might be totally wrong about them. The promiscuous person might be the type to form a deep emotional bond (not necessarily be "detached") or the very selective person might really be highly sexual (not necessarily be a "prude").
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Not everyone is interested in multiple partners or is into casual sex. For me, what makes sex fun/special is the extreme intimacy and closeness to a person you love. If the emotion isn't there, I am not interested (can't get turned on) so what's the point?
