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Okay, fair enough.... you were listing what you perceive would be desirable for your intended subgroup. I won't comment to you about this, (since you have clarified your statement) but if anyone else tries to misconstrue what *I* was saying... I will defend it.... because I was not wrong in my feeling and what I said about it.
and that is really unfortunate....
I have to agree with you here. and age is going to be a hard one for you as someone said, you are looking in an age group that the men want their own children... and you said you are all done, or if they don't want their own children they surely don't want anyone else's..... You are going to compromise on some issues... either the age, or ruling future kids, or not as much money, or shorter than you, or not as good looking. Because even though it is not politically correct..... kids ARE a deal breaker for some... havein money issues, no degree will be an issue for some as well.
But truly I think you need more time and patience and a better disposition. I haven't even talked to you on the phone yet I have notice a condescending tone you take with people. I can imagine it is even more evident in verbal conversations....
I do not have money issues. Actually, a lot of people would love to have my financial situation.
Tone cannot be understood in the written language. Any tone you are hearing is through your own imagination. I am actually a very nice, happy person.
I qualify based on my income. Assets are not a factor. One of my cars is more of a toy and not something that can be driven daily.
I do not game the system in any way. I provide all my financial information including bank statements, pay stubs, utility bills, daycare bills, and mortgage statements. Having real estate does not disqualify.
I'm glad you're doing this by the book. That's decent of you. Truth is, though, if you have no college degree and make so little with just 2 kids that you qualify for public assistance, you are not a catch from a financial standpoint.
You have 2 kids. That works against you unless the guy also has kids and is close to your income bracket.
You're in your 30s. This is also working against you.
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I would be more then happy to trade places with a woman and have to sift through dozens of messages from women saying I have a nice ass and chest.
Nothing more boring than a ton of messages of guys being redundant. Women have mirrors, we know if we have a nice ass and/or chest. Those messages come off as nothing more than a mass spam to see what girls will take the bait.
When you have your happy moment of Freaky Friday-ness...you'll be wishing for someone who acknowledges your humor, your intelligence, your uniqueness...the things that you build and that make you stand apart from others. Of course...that is, after you get done admiring your ass and chest.
No. Not many people want to be on government assistance because they are single parents who make too little NOT to qualify for it.
I agree with Montanaguy re: the types of men you are most likely to attract at this point.
Just being realistic.
You seem really bothered by the public assistance. Public assistance is medical insurance and $200 in foodstamps for us. Not cash assistance.
I know I have said this before, but my financial situation is really good. I own a house, that I have almost half it's value in equity. I do not live in an inexpensive region of the country, so this is significant. My mortgage payment is less than renting a 2 bedroom apartment. I have savings, and retirement accounts. I just bought a $42k car two months ago, and paid half in cash, still leaving a good six month emergency fund in my account. I am not a spender, great at saving money and very frugal.
I have a reasonable salary. It is not like I make minimum wage or just a hair over.
Out of 30 guys I have met, only 2 or 3 could bring this much to a relationship.
I'm glad you're doing this by the book. That's decent of you. Truth is, though, if you have no college degree and make so little with just 2 kids that you qualify for public assistance, you are not a catch from a financial standpoint.
You have 2 kids. That works against you unless the guy also has kids and is close to your income bracket.
You're in your 30s. This is also working against you.
See above post about finances. But yes, I am a catch financially. With or without public assistance, which dates would not know about.
I can't help that I have kids. I can't control my age either. However I do not understand how my age should affect me finding a man the same age.
Thursday I met a guy that I talked to for a week. He volunteered to come help me carry everything I was buying to the car. So he walks in and is a good 5-7 years older and 100 pounds heavier than his picture.
Yesterday, I texted a guy back and forth all day. He says all the right things, has a decent job, a car, and still lives with his parents. From his picture he was cute. So he calls me last night and speaks like he has never left the ghetto. I could not even understand what he was saying.
I can't help that I have kids. I can't control my age either. However I do not understand how my age should affect me finding a man the same age.
Don't stress too much on the age or the kids. I'm about your age, have two kids and I'm not having any issues at all connecting. The guys that don't like my age are the ones about 4-10 years older than I am (after assuring them that they're safely in the friendzone, I realized that they want someone more innocent, more malleable and naive, which safely pretty much cuts out most females of legal age).
The ones that have issues with kids steer clear of me and that's a total blessing. I would have thought that since your children's father isn't the greatest, then it would have been easier. My kid's dad is an awesome guy; involved, attentive and his role in their lives in invaluable. The fact that we're friends and respect the parenting partnership has turned a few guys away, which...again, blessing. I'm not a fan of drama.
Also, on the guy that's 13 years younger....while he's not your age-ideal, you might want to keep an open mind there. In my experience, if a guy is interested in an older woman, he has a set standard in what he wants and doesn't want. He's past the party stage, and if you're clear and upfront that you don't want kids, it's his decision to make. Either way, =c) it's flattering to be liked by a younger guy.
She told us here, BUT, personally I think this is a symptom of a much bigger delusion. The OP is adamant she is financially successful and a catch, but she is getting food stamps, and has kids with two different men, neither in the picture (this is from her previous posts).
Now, that is what it is. There are loads of people in this situation. But, it indicates a cognitive disconnect (food stamps = financially successful??!!) that I have no doubts carries over into other areas of their life.
OP, I needed to go quote timberline here, because this is my take on your problem, for the most part.
I'm not anti-assistance. Some folks need it. I'm glad it exists.
But, thinking you're well-off financially WHILE collecting it is illogical.
So is buying a 42k automobile while collecting public assistance. Nobody needs a 42k automobile.
People can buy very nice new cars for half that. You had half that in cash. Why not buy a 21k car?
Anyway...
You are looking for men who are truly in their prime. Of course the lion's share of the good ones are going to be looking for a woman with less kids, more education, a better career, a younger age, who want to have kids with them, etc.
My husband is 13 years younger than me. We have been together almost 10 years now. I have 3 kids. I had them when I met him. I also had a degree and was working on my master's when we met. I now have that MS and am working toward another (and I'll likely follow it up with a PhD this time). I had a lucrative career when we met. Still do. He had a lucrative career when we met. Still does. We don't have kids together, but I was open to it when we met. We ultimately chose to stick with the 3 I already had, but my husband goes against the traditional grain sometimes.
It is possible to meet good guys when you have kids. It's just not realistic to expect that you'll meet the cream of the crop when you have as many negatives working against you as you do.
You cannot change the fact that you have kids. You cannot make yourself younger.
You can get an education and a better job, and get off the public assistance. Those are things you can change.
Put another way, you are competing against women who may be younger, child-free, better educated, better employed, or ALL OF THESE.
Which things can you change to increase your odds of success?
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