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I dated my love for almost 2 years. It was a long distance relationship, as she was graduating with her Master’s degree in Architecture several states over. Last summer, she came and lived with me and my two young daughters and it was a little rough, but still good to learn more about each other. This summer, she elected to come and live with us again, after she graduated with her degree, which she did. She moved in around May 2014 and lived with me until about a month ago… (October 2014)
Granted, I was not ready for her to live with me. I told her this several times before she showed up, that I didn’t think it was appropriate at this time of our relationship and my two daughters (8 and 10 yrs). Regardless, she wanted to and temporarily moved in until she landed a job. I have been divorced twice, which lead to my “Not ready yet” stance, due to the fact that she really is an amazing woman and i wanted to get it right this time by taking it slow.
It should be noted, that I travel a lot for work, and the entire summer, I flew her with me on all my business trips. She’s a big city girl from Hong Kong (International relationship here which also adds slightly different flavors) and I live in Kansas City. Not the largest hub around, ha. So while we got to explore a ton of the USA together, she was able to take the time to simply relax after graduation and be taken care of by me. However, this led me to some feelings of resentment toward her, and we would argue at times about how she wasn’t carrying her weight around my house etc.
It all boiled over on October 4th, when I broke up with her. All the conversations just didn’t seem to be working and I abandoned her emotionally by breaking up with her. She was really going through a lot with her family pressuring her to get a job, and I started pressuring her too, instead of just supporting where she was. (I realized all this after i dumped her… and really have had a change in heart since the break up)
So after about a week of being broken up, I called her up and let her know that I made a mistake and that I was not the kind gentleman that I wanted to be, and that my heart was growing. I admitted to hurting her repeatedly and asked her to give me another shot. The pro’s far outweighed the Con’s with this girl.
She agreed for me to take her to New York for her birthday on the 16th of October, and I threw a nice birthday events over a couple days with her. At the end, I asked her to be mine again, and she said she wasn’t ready. I understood where she was coming from. She flew back home with me and the next day we went to Chicago for the weekend to help her explore new firms to apply with.
We haven’t had sex since we got back together, although she sleeps naked with me and asks me to cuddle her. We also occasionally make out, when she asks for it. She has asked me to masturbate together, which we’ve done 3 times.
I have really grown a lot and I want to be a stronger more dependable man for her. But she tells me that she can’t commit to me at the moment because she is so hurt from when I dumped her. However, she is currently staying with me (No sex) and all the signs are pointing toward us being together… but when we talk about it, she just wants her space, and says that she isn’t ready.
I’m really confused on the mixed signals she is sending. She did tell me recently after asking to look thru my phone (Which i let her of course) that i couldn’t look thru hers, because she is talking with a guy in DC. (She went out with him the week we broke up, but claims it’s strictly as “friends”). Neither one of us were ever unfaithful, but she is a very beautiful Asian woman and could have anyone she desires… ever.
Now she says she just wants to be "friends" but then last night, says she wants to be my GF, but when I started to get excited about this, she says, no don't ask her to be my GF.
Should I just ask her to move out? Should we just sleep in different beds? Should I pretend that we are together, even when she says we aren’t? Should I continue to pursue her?
My heart is hers, and I’ve told her this. I’ve been acting very kind and sweet and brought her breakfast in bed, and showered her with many cards and affections and flowers over the past couple weeks… too much? (she has asked me to slow my roll on the passion, which i am doing... but i'm a very passionate guy naturally)
I could use a little help here on what steps to take.
1) Stop dragging your daughters through your messy "love" life.
2) Take a break until this woman gets her life set up, and proceed from there. DO NOT let her move back into your home until you are committed to marriage. Your kids don't deserve this kind of drama.
I'm confused. How do you still live together after you broke up??
Anyway, have an honest conversation and get an answer. She is essentially getting what she wants by living with you and pretending to be in a relationship, but not really. However, this isn't all on her. Why did you let her move in even though you kept saying you weren't ready? You should never have let that happen if you really did not want it to. That was the first sign of the decline of your relationship.
Just because you understand that you messed up during a relationship does not mean you should get back together with the ex. You messed up by resenting her, and she did as well by insisting she move in with you even though you (apparently) explicitly said no (then allowed her to do it anyway).
Still, you need an answer and you need to act accordingly depending on which one you get. You are not in a relationship. You are in a weird in-between that's not going to work for anyone and I am sure your kids are affected by this as well if she indeed lives with you (I can't tell if she does or not).
1) Stop dragging your daughters through your messy "love" life.
2) Take a break until this woman gets her life set up, and proceed from there. DO NOT let her move back into your home until you are committed to marriage. Your kids don't deserve this kind of drama.
Solid advice.
However, my daughters love her dearly and deeply. i have told them we are just friends at this points... but i do definitely want to make sure that they are protected.
What constitutes moving into my house... lol. Is a 4 week stay too long?
I'm confused. How do you still live together after you broke up??
Anyway, have an honest conversation and get and answer. She is essentially getting what she wants by living with you and pretending to be in a relationship, but not really. However, this isn't all on her. Why did you let her move in even though you kept saying you weren't ready? You should never have let that happen if you really did not want it to. That was the first sign of the decline of your relationship.
Just because you understand that you messed up during a relationship does not mean you should get back together with the ex. You messed up by resenting her, and she did as well by insisting she move in with you even though you (apparently) explicitly said no (then allowed her to do it anyway).
Still, you need an answer and you need to act accordingly depending on which one you get. You are not in a relationship. You are in a weird in-between that's not going to work for anyone and I am sure your kids are affected by this as well if she indeed lives with you (I can't tell if she does or not).
Ha. I'm confused too.
She does live at my house for the past 3 weeks.. but my girls don't know this. They are led to believe she is staying a hotel after they sleep. It isn't honest, but it works for them, and they don't currently suspect anything.
She doesn't want a relationship, but she wants to live in my house until she gets a job. I didn't want to hurt her by demanding that we not live together, despite my repeated discussions that we wouldn't do it this summer... then i just ended up feeling bad that she would have to spend tons of money on a hotel or live out of state... and we wouldn't see each other at all.
Isn't it too much to demand an answer after hurting her so much? i feel that is really pushy.
However, my daughters love her dearly and deeply. i have told them we are just friends at this points... but i do definitely want to make sure that they are protected.
What constitutes moving into my house... lol. Is a 4 week stay too long?
Sir, you are not in an LOL situation.
As a parent, your #1 priority is your kids, and your bringing a stranger to live with them is a terrible decision.
Yes, 4 weeks is too long. ANY time is too long for your girlfriend to live with your kids while you two figure out what the hell you are doing.
Of course they think they love her dearly. They're children, and their dad, who they trust, brought this person into their home. And if you two don't work this mess out, what will happen to their dear hearts???
As long as you get to lie naked and masturbate with the hot Asian woman, who cares, huh?
I dated my love for almost 2 years. It was a long distance relationship, as she was graduating with her Master’s degree in Architecture several states over. Last summer, she came and lived with me and my two young daughters and it was a little rough, but still good to learn more about each other. This summer, she elected to come and live with us again, after she graduated with her degree, which she did. She moved in around May 2014 and lived with me until about a month ago… (October 2014)
Granted, I was not ready for her to live with me. I told her this several times before she showed up, that I didn’t think it was appropriate at this time of our relationship and my two daughters (8 and 10 yrs). Regardless, she wanted to and temporarily moved in until she landed a job. I have been divorced twice, which lead to my “Not ready yet” stance, due to the fact that she really is an amazing woman and i wanted to get it right this time by taking it slow.
It should be noted, that I travel a lot for work, and the entire summer, I flew her with me on all my business trips. She’s a big city girl from Hong Kong (International relationship here which also adds slightly different flavors) and I live in Kansas City. Not the largest hub around, ha. So while we got to explore a ton of the USA together, she was able to take the time to simply relax after graduation and be taken care of by me. However, this led me to some feelings of resentment toward her, and we would argue at times about how she wasn’t carrying her weight around my house etc.
It all boiled over on October 4th, when I broke up with her. All the conversations just didn’t seem to be working and I abandoned her emotionally by breaking up with her. She was really going through a lot with her family pressuring her to get a job, and I started pressuring her too, instead of just supporting where she was. (I realized all this after i dumped her… and really have had a change in heart since the break up)
So after about a week of being broken up, I called her up and let her know that I made a mistake and that I was not the kind gentleman that I wanted to be, and that my heart was growing. I admitted to hurting her repeatedly and asked her to give me another shot. The pro’s far outweighed the Con’s with this girl.
She agreed for me to take her to New York for her birthday on the 16th of October, and I threw a nice birthday events over a couple days with her. At the end, I asked her to be mine again, and she said she wasn’t ready. I understood where she was coming from. She flew back home with me and the next day we went to Chicago for the weekend to help her explore new firms to apply with.
We haven’t had sex since we got back together, although she sleeps naked with me and asks me to cuddle her. We also occasionally make out, when she asks for it. She has asked me to masturbate together, which we’ve done 3 times.
I have really grown a lot and I want to be a stronger more dependable man for her. But she tells me that she can’t commit to me at the moment because she is so hurt from when I dumped her. However, she is currently staying with me (No sex) and all the signs are pointing toward us being together… but when we talk about it, she just wants her space, and says that she isn’t ready.
I’m really confused on the mixed signals she is sending. She did tell me recently after asking to look thru my phone (Which i let her of course) that i couldn’t look thru hers, because she is talking with a guy in DC. (She went out with him the week we broke up, but claims it’s strictly as “friends”). Neither one of us were ever unfaithful, but she is a very beautiful Asian woman and could have anyone she desires… ever.
Now she says she just wants to be "friends" but then last night, says she wants to be my GF, but when I started to get excited about this, she says, no don't ask her to be my GF.
Should I just ask her to move out? Should we just sleep in different beds? Should I pretend that we are together, even when she says we aren’t? Should I continue to pursue her?
My heart is hers, and I’ve told her this. I’ve been acting very kind and sweet and brought her breakfast in bed, and showered her with many cards and affections and flowers over the past couple weeks… too much? (she has asked me to slow my roll on the passion, which i am doing... but i'm a very passionate guy naturally)
I could use a little help here on what steps to take.
OMG, this sounds like a lot of drama!!! If you like it, fine. But think of your daughters for christs sake! Give them some stability and stop bull sh itting around with that woman.
I know this will sound dumb... but honestly, the girls are not being effected by this. They don't even know she lived / lives with me... except that she is there every night when i tuck them into bed.
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