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That's not a good criterion to use, because you can suspect any answer of being a lie. I had one friend who booked her weekends months in advance. They were all devoted to gardening, doing home-improvement projects, visiting an aunt outside of town, spending a day hanging out with friends, etc. By your suspicious mind, all of that would be lies aimed at concealing a secret "personal life". The fact is, and what some men aren't able to believe for reasons that aren't clear, is that many single women's lives are very mundane, and don't involve a guy.
OP... you really should try and get over this issue.... you have the potential in you to not be a douchebag....... and while that is a backhanded compliment... it's actually a compliment.
Move past this, and while you might not feel like you've moved pasted it, pretend, cause it most likely will with come with age, you're still a young man and believe it or not, you are going to have a whole lot of differing views about life as you get older.... things that a young person probably can't or won't hear, but I hope you do.....
It sounds like the OP isn't able to think of women as complete humans. He can think of 'em as sex objects, but he can't imagine them as people with their own interests, hobbies, circle of gf's, family ties and responsibilities, homes to maintain, gardens to tend, and all that stuff that goes into making up a full, well-rounded human being.
Dude, the kind of women you'd want to marry aren't the kind that are bringing guys in the back door for a quickie or an overnight. They may not even be the kind that attract much attention at all. They might be the kind that help organize the neighborhood park cleanup workday, and rehearse and perform in a renaissance music group, or something, so they stay pretty busy. Maybe the kind of dudes who are attracted to them aren't the kind they're into, so it's been a few years since they were in a relationship.
IMO before you can get into a relationship, you need to get to know women better as people. You don't know women except the kind you met as a player. So naturally you met player-type women. There's a lot more to the world than the player scene.
That's not a good criterion to use, because you can suspect any answer of being a lie. I had one friend who booked her weekends months in advance. They were all devoted to gardening, doing home-improvement projects, visiting an aunt outside of town, spending a day hanging out with friends, etc. By your suspicious mind, all of that would be lies aimed at concealing a secret "personal life". The fact is, and what some men aren't able to believe for reasons that aren't clear, is that many single women's lives are very mundane, and don't involve a guy.
This is good advice and something that my female friends and my mother also tell me. It's just difficult to comprehend based on my experiences with women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by westcoast_CA
OP I am going to give you an honest piece of advice; if you want happiness, stop painting the universe with a broad brush. As in your theory on girls.
Start focusing on your thinking process first. Not all girls are one way and not all boys are one way. You exhibit preference for extremes. Tone it down. Holding off on sex is not an answer. Neither is doing too much of it. You need help. Speak with a professional therapist. You will need to start seeing the world in all its colors. Black and white is too simplistic an interpretation.
I see a therapist weekly and I'm on medications. It's definitely helping (I had a real breakthrough in my last session), but Rome wasn't built in a day.
I used to be REALLY bad. I would stake out the girl's house to try to catch them in the act. I don't do that anymore. These days, I just go to the gym or go into work or go out with my friends. I'm actually way more relaxed than I used to be lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
OP... you really should try and get over this issue.... you have the potential in you to not be a douchebag....... and while that is a backhanded compliment... it's actually a compliment.
Move past this, and while you might not feel like you've moved pasted it, pretend, cause it most likely will with come with age, you're still a young man and believe it or not, you are going to have a whole lot of differing views about life as you get older.... things that a young person probably can't or won't hear, but I hope you do.....
Yeah, I'm trying. My views are already changing drastically, even from when I started posting here. I'm already a very different person than I was a year ago.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster
It sounds like the OP isn't able to think of women as complete humans. He can think of 'em as sex objects, but he can't imagine them as people with their own interests, hobbies, circle of gf's, family ties and responsibilities, homes to maintain, gardens to tend, and all that stuff that goes into making up a full, well-rounded human being.
Dude, the kind of women you'd want to marry aren't the kind that are bringing guys in the back door for a quickie or an overnight. They may not even be the kind that attract much attention at all. They might be the kind that help organize the neighborhood park cleanup workday, and rehearse and perform in a renaissance music group, or something, so they stay pretty busy. Maybe the kind of dudes who are attracted to them aren't the kind they're into, so it's been a few years since they were in a relationship. IMO before you can get into a relationship, you need to get to know women better as people. You don't know women except the kind you met as a player. So naturally you met player-type women. There's a lot more to the world than the player scene.
That's what my mother said too. I'm working on toning down the generalizations and getting to know them. She was telling me that, in the past, I dated girls where the red flags were very apparent right away. I just missed them for whatever reason. She said that I'm creating red flags in my mind with the girls that I've been dating recently and that she sees no issues with them so far. My female friends and married male friends echoed this sentiment.
It appears that everyone that has been successful with relationships is telling me the same thing.
Try to think to yourself how irrational of a thought it is, to assume all women are like the ones who have treated you wrong in the past. If you need extra help with this and can't change yourself, therapy might help, especially if a long-term relationship is a goal for you. I have a lot of the same issues with men. Good luck to you!
OP, the first thing you need to do is stop being suspicious of women, until they give you reason to be suspicious. every girl i have gone out with, i also have had thoughts that perhaps they were stepping out with other guys from time to time, but i then think, what makes me think they are stepping out? and when the answer comes back nothing, i put the thought out of my head.
OP, the first thing you need to do is stop being suspicious of women, until they give you reason to be suspicious. every girl i have gone out with, i also have had thoughts that perhaps they were stepping out with other guys from time to time, but i then think, what makes me think they are stepping out? and when the answer comes back nothing, i put the thought out of my head.
Many men do and you yourself have stated that you do.
I simply don't believe they are telling me the truth based on my experiences. My natural thought process is to assume that these women are getting their sexual needs filled elsewhere and are having sex with non-long-term guys, while playing me for the sucker.
I've been on the other side of the coin in the past and I know how well women are at hiding this.
The very thought of this makes me lose attraction for them....
I'm just wondering what to do about these thoughts. Are they justified?
It sounds like the OP isn't able to think of women as complete humans. He can think of 'em as sex objects, but he can't imagine them as people with their own interests, hobbies, circle of gf's, family ties and responsibilities, homes to maintain, gardens to tend, and all that stuff that goes into making up a full, well-rounded human being.
Dude, the kind of women you'd want to marry aren't the kind that are bringing guys in the back door for a quickie or an overnight. They may not even be the kind that attract much attention at all. They might be the kind that help organize the neighborhood park cleanup workday, and rehearse and perform in a renaissance music group, or something, so they stay pretty busy. Maybe the kind of dudes who are attracted to them aren't the kind they're into, so it's been a few years since they were in a relationship.
IMO before you can get into a relationship, you need to get to know women better as people. You don't know women except the kind you met as a player. So naturally you met player-type women. There's a lot more to the world than the player scene.
Many men do and you yourself have stated that you do.
well i do have a way with women..........
and then you all change the rules so we have to read those damn magazines to keep up.
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