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I'm curious why you wouldn't consider that a woman who did NOT want to put out quickly just might be looking for romance herself? Why would that be "shocking" to you, considering you're a romantic?
From my understanding, he wasn't waiting for girls who didn't put out quickly because he was hurt several times when he was being romantic that he just got fed up with it after a while. I would become disillusioned after that as well. It's difficult to realize that there are others out there who want similar things like you in terms of romance after having nothing but a struggle for a long time. Correct me if I'm wrong, Cristo666.
OP, there are more people like you than you think. Ignore what other people say and do what's right for you.
Are you in college? I can guarantee you there are guys around who are shy and pining for a girlfriend. It's a matter of finding them, and finding one that you have interests in common with.
Yep, this is my last year of college! It's got a very small campus and it's a women's college so that COULD be a part of the problem! Maybe I'll just have to wait till after college and it'll sort itself out with time. Thank you for your kind and wise words!
I'm the same age as you and I know exactly how you feel. Everyone seems to have a boyfriend or be in a relationship. Makes you feel like you are missing out, and you're a freak. But in reality it's not true. My family likes to poke fun at me because I have never been with anyone, and the few guys I did like, nothing ever came of it or I got my feelings hurt. I felt lonely and I got depressed. So this is nothing new to me.
How I dealt with it, I decided to work on myself as a person and try to figure out what makes me happy. Distractions help a lot. I focused on my goals, and I am accomplishing them little by little. I got a new job, I am in school, and I am honestly starting to feel better about myself. What are the things you like to do the most? What makes you happy? Also it helps to not compare yourself so much to others. Having a boyfriend should not be your main priority right now. You should mainly be focused on yourself as an education.
As far as this question goes: "Is it wrong that I don't want a boyfriend but still feel the need for something romantic with another person? Is romance dead for someone my age?" I am still trying to figure that for myself but I am going to say no. It's best to just live and let live. Don't allow something so trivial to bother you so much. Make yourself happy, it's more than likely a man will come along eventually so worry so much about it. If one doesn't that's okay too.
Basically this. Nothing new for me to add, other than you're not alone. I was the exact same way. When I was in school, I just barely paid attention to my looks and dating. I turned 13, and around then, I started wanting a boyfriend and having the desire. Then after a few years of teen angst, I grew out of it, and was fine with being single. However, I had a friend who became me-wanting a boyfriend and being sad she didn't have one. She got one before I did. Then she started trying to throw pity to me because I didn't. I don't talk to her anymore-not because of that though lol My affairs tend to be 1-sided. I like them, they don't. They like me, I don't. The only time it's mutual is when we both don't like each other lol
I think it's natural to want romance. if you haven't been in love, but see other happy couples, you wonder "Am I not supposed to have that?" or "When is it my turn to romantic happiness?" , or even "I will die, or get killed, before I find someone." lol It's normal. And sometimes, even jealousy may come out. Sometimes one-sided feelings make it surface. Because you have those feelings for someone, but they don't feel the same. So, you you want romance, you have the feelings, and nobody to feel it with. It can get frustrating.
Keeping busy with hobbies can help. Me, for example. I like digital art, television, playing cards, games, reading, and there's other stuff I plan to do/try in the future. So keeping busy is a key. Hopefully, you have close friends or family to be with. Doing things with them-laughing and having fun as well. So, you can be happy and busy while you wait on love. By wait, I mean meeting a nice guy who asks you out, or meeting a guy you like enough to approach and get together with.
OP, there are more people like you than you think. Ignore what other people say and do what's right for you.
Are you in college? I can guarantee you there are guys around who are shy and pining for a girlfriend. It's a matter of finding them, and finding one that you have interests in common with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Honestly, you are really just too self involved.
Make a conscious effort to get out of your own head.
Focus on what you can do to make the world a better place, not the ruminations of "why am I so unhappy??".
The quicker you can start actually doing things for someone/something else in true need, the sooner your unhappiness will disappear.
Go read to someone in a nursing home, volunteer to bathe dogs at the animal shelter, join the Big Brother/Big Sister program, serve up some meals at your local soup kitchen.
I promise you, once you gain a more in depth perspective your inner conflicts will resolve.
In addition, love finds you when you aren't so busy trying to find it
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
Hmm this was me not too long ago.
I'm the same age as you and I know exactly how you feel. Everyone seems to have a boyfriend or be in a relationship. Makes you feel like you are missing out, and you're a freak. But in reality it's not true. My family likes to poke fun at me because I have never been with anyone, and the few guys I did like, nothing ever came of it or I got my feelings hurt. I felt lonely and I got depressed. So this is nothing new to me.
How I dealt with it, I decided to work on myself as a person and try to figure out what makes me happy. Distractions help a lot. I focused on my goals, and I am accomplishing them little by little. I got a new job, I am in school, and I am honestly starting to feel better about myself. What are the things you like to do the most? What makes you happy? Also it helps to not compare yourself so much to others. Having a boyfriend should not be your main priority right now. You should mainly be focused on yourself as an education.
As far as this question goes: "Is it wrong that I don't want a boyfriend but still feel the need for something romantic with another person? Is romance dead for someone my age?" I am still trying to figure that for myself but I am going to say no. It's best to just live and let live. Don't allow something so trivial to bother you so much. Make yourself happy, it's more than likely a man will come along eventually so worry so much about it. If one doesn't that's okay too.
this is all good advice. as i have said before, you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. it also means that you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. at this point in your life, i recommend finishing school, and establish yourself in the work world.
once you have done that you can then start on yourself. figure out what you dont like about yourself, and work on that. and take it one step at a time, dont make too many changes in your life all at once, otherwise you end up getting out of sorts, and have to start back as square one again. and this bit of advice works whether you are setting up a race car at the track, or figuring out your life, or just about anything else you choose to do.
this is all good advice. as i have said before, you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. it also means that you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. at this point in your life, i recommend finishing school, and establish yourself in the work world.
once you have done that you can then start on yourself. figure out what you dont like about yourself, and work on that. and take it one step at a time, dont make too many changes in your life all at once, otherwise you end up getting out of sorts, and have to start back as square one again. and this bit of advice works whether you are setting up a race car at the track, or figuring out your life, or just about anything else you choose to do.
I especially agree with this: "You have to love yourself before someone else can love you." So simple yet it's not done enough. Thanks for your advice!
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