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If you let her control the tempo right now, it would be a good idea since she has some issues, for whatever reasons. The only thing you have to remember, is that you have to also be aware of your own feelings, so sitting in the wings is cool, as long as you are really cool with it. But if you start feeling like some of these other people get, I'd bring up some conversation for your own piece of mind. I'm sure she will appreciate the fact that you are letting her control the tempo. So I'm sure she will be more than willing to be considerate to yours as well. I'm sure you aren't going to let crap pile up because you are aware of every aspect of what is going on...and have an open mind about it..good luck
A little update so far. We are still talking and she's waiting to tell me something, but it seems she is putting it off for some reason. My career is analytical, so having to wait to talk about something just doesn't fit my mental style at all. At the same time, it doesn't bode well with my inability to be very patient either.
I can see why I've failed at certain things in life as I've gotten older, because I'm quick to fix something in that moment. Not wait around for it to fix itself. I'm a communicator and if we're not trying to fix something than why are we even talking to begin with. It's just my analytical side that naturally stays on high alert. I'm always thinking about something, unless I'm drinking, and then I hardly think about anything.
We are supposed to talk about it on Wednesday, which is fine with me, so we will see what unfolds then. In a way she's teaching me patience, which is something that has never come easy to me.
If it was me and I was dumped reestablishing communication on any level would be exceptionally difficult if ever at all. She already demonstrated unreliability and would need to do a LOT to prove that such a thing would never recur and that she could be trusted. Move on, she is history. Opportunity knocks but once and she already blew and lost forever her golden opportunity which has a very high cost as a result for what could have been and now never will.
Last edited by JobZombie; 11-17-2014 at 11:04 PM..
I have never understood girls which after they rejected a guy keep disturbing him with their doubts, thinks and concerns. You have already rejected him, leave him alone.
It's nothing as serious as other stuff that would keep me from sleeping. I'm just curious what she's going to reveal. As she said, it's nothing that needs to be fixed, but it's something she needs to reveal. Maybe she has a hard time being vulnerable and accepting the fallout. My concern is if it's something serious like cancer or something minor like I get nervous when I meet a good guy. I know she got some not so good medical news the day she ended things and when she reconnected, she stated that her medication dosage was altered to keep her from being so tired all the time. I know when we dated she was ready for bed by 9PM and now she's up past 11PM.
A little update so far. We are still talking and she's waiting to tell me something, but it seems she is putting it off for some reason. My career is analytical, so having to wait to talk about something just doesn't fit my mental style at all. At the same time, it doesn't bode well with my inability to be very patient either.
I can see why I've failed at certain things in life as I've gotten older, because I'm quick to fix something in that moment. Not wait around for it to fix itself. I'm a communicator and if we're not trying to fix something than why are we even talking to begin with. It's just my analytical side that naturally stays on high alert. I'm always thinking about something, unless I'm drinking, and then I hardly think about anything.
We are supposed to talk about it on Wednesday, which is fine with me, so we will see what unfolds then. In a way she's teaching me patience, which is something that has never come easy to me.
I absolutely HATE when people do this. I hate it so much I might just tell her to forget it. If she had something to discuss with you she could have just said hey, let's get together on Wednesday for a cup of coffee or whatever. It adds drama to tell someone I won't tell you what it is, but I have something to tell you later. Why let someone dangle for days worrying about whatever it is. Either just tell them, or don't mention it until you're together and can actually tell them!
She may have had a legitimate reason for cutting things off earlier, but I would definitely proceed with caution. People with their lives in order and who really like you don't do that. She needs to earn it if she wants another shot.
I absolutely HATE when people do this. I hate it so much I might just tell her to forget it. If she had something to discuss with you she could have just said hey, let's get together on Wednesday for a cup of coffee or whatever. It adds drama to tell someone I won't tell you what it is, but I have something to tell you later. Why let someone dangle for days worrying about whatever it is. Either just tell them, or don't mention it until you're together and can actually tell them!
She may have had a legitimate reason for cutting things off earlier, but I would definitely proceed with caution. People with their lives in order and who really like you don't do that. She needs to earn it if she wants another shot.
I already know she's bad at making time for relationships, because that's what she told me on our first date. I processed what she told me and just played it out as I saw fit. She keeps a truly packed schedule and I have my reasonings why. She gained quite a bit of weight when her relationship ended 5 years ago. Caught her boyfriend in the act of cheating. Then she gained a bit more weight after the fact. When I met her, I think she was pretty focused on running and doing some biking. A relationship is likely something that wasn't on her mind, while it was clearly on mine. She is quick to tell you that her life is pretty full with friends, family, and her hobbies. She's the prime example of what we talk about on the forum. Truly being happy with yourself and all the hobbies you enjoy.
I'm not looking for anything serious to come out of this, but I would like to get some clarity. Know what I mean? She has her own things to work through and everyone handles life a little bit different.
I already know she's bad at making time for relationships, because that's what she told me on our first date. I processed what she told me and just played it out as I saw fit. She keeps a truly packed schedule and I have my reasonings why. She gained quite a bit of weight when her relationship ended 5 years ago. Caught her boyfriend in the act of cheating. Then she gained a bit more weight after the fact. When I met her, I think she was pretty focused on running and doing some biking. A relationship is likely something that wasn't on her mind, while it was clearly on mine. She is quick to tell you that her life is pretty full with friends, family, and her hobbies. She's the prime example of what we talk about on the forum. Truly being happy with yourself and all the hobbies you enjoy.
I'm not looking for anything serious to come out of this, but I would like to get some clarity. Know what I mean? She has her own things to work through and everyone handles life a little bit different.
I think you have a very positive and realistic attitude about this.
I hate when people say "I have something to tell you" and then say they will tell you at a later point. Too much stress.
That aside, and I'm not nitpicking at you specifically, but after 4 dates and it fizzled, I really don't consider that a rejection, it just didn't work out in that moment. It's not like she did something horrible to intentionally hurt you or that it's a direct reflection on you personally. Rejection just seems like such a strong word for a few dates that didn't turn into an actual relationship.
I already know she's bad at making time for relationships, because that's what she told me on our first date. I processed what she told me and just played it out as I saw fit. She keeps a truly packed schedule and I have my reasonings why. She gained quite a bit of weight when her relationship ended 5 years ago. Caught her boyfriend in the act of cheating. Then she gained a bit more weight after the fact. When I met her, I think she was pretty focused on running and doing some biking. A relationship is likely something that wasn't on her mind, while it was clearly on mine. She is quick to tell you that her life is pretty full with friends, family, and her hobbies. She's the prime example of what we talk about on the forum. Truly being happy with yourself and all the hobbies you enjoy.
I'm not looking for anything serious to come out of this, but I would like to get some clarity. Know what I mean? She has her own things to work through and everyone handles life a little bit different.
Did you meet on a dating website? If so, then what is she doing on one if she isn't looking for a relationship?
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