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Did you meet on a dating website? If so, then what is she doing on one if she isn't looking for a relationship?
No, we were setup by mutual friends. I wouldn't have cared this much if the date was generated from online. I'm guilty of putting way more emphasis on meeting someone in my day to day life, than sifting through online profiles. Once I sat and thought about it, I realized meeting someone in my day to day life seemed more genuine, even though the overall dating result has stayed the same. It just seemed to move a lot more smoothly.
I absolutely HATE when people do this. I hate it so much I might just tell her to forget it. If she had something to discuss with you she could have just said hey, let's get together on Wednesday for a cup of coffee or whatever. It adds drama to tell someone I won't tell you what it is, but I have something to tell you later. Why let someone dangle for days worrying about whatever it is. Either just tell them, or don't mention it until you're together and can actually tell them!
She may have had a legitimate reason for cutting things off earlier, but I would definitely proceed with caution. People with their lives in order and who really like you don't do that. She needs to earn it if she wants another shot.
I agree. It's a lot of manufactured drama after 4 dates. Hope it goes well, OP.
Yes, you're doing the right thing, however, keep your options open if someone else comes along you feel a connection with.
Reason being is that regardless of how full our lives are, when we feel what you're feeling connection wise with her, we explore that and do what it takes to fit the person into our lives, and it's reciprocated from the other person. When someone is hesitant, we start hearing the whole "I like things to just develop" and "lets be friends for now to see what happens" stuff. Basically, this is her keeping her options open as well.
Also, and this may sound harsh, but she's teaching you how to be manipulated, not patient, with "we need to talk but I can't tell you what about". When people do that it usually causes the other person anxiety and keeps them hanging on, and that's just not cool.
Of course, you know her better than any of us and I do hope it works out. You sound even keeled about the whole thing so you'll probably be fine no matter what happens. Keep us posted on how it goes tomorrow!
Yes, you're doing the right thing, however, keep your options open if someone else comes along you feel a connection with.
Reason being is that regardless of how full our lives are, when we feel what you're feeling connection wise with her, we explore that and do what it takes to fit the person into our lives, and it's reciprocated from the other person. When someone is hesitant, we start hearing the whole "I like things to just develop" and "lets be friends for now to see what happens" stuff. Basically, this is her keeping her options open as well.
Also, and this may sound harsh, but she's teaching you how to be manipulated, not patient, with "we need to talk but I can't tell you what about". When people do that it usually causes the other person anxiety and keeps them hanging on, and that's just not cool.
Of course, you know her better than any of us and I do hope it works out. You sound even keeled about the whole thing so you'll probably be fine no matter what happens. Keep us posted on how it goes tomorrow!
I'm also well aware of the bolded comment as well. I wouldn't think that's her angle, but at the same time you don't always know what's going on within someone's head either. I'm trying to be fair and give her the benefit of the doubt, even though I have my own negative opinion of how the situation is being handled. The other thing I'm trying to be mindful of is just because I think a situation should be handled a certain way, doesn't mean that the other person is going to handle it the way I see fit.
I've always been the type to cut people out, because they just didn't fit my similar viewpoint. I think that works well with my guy friends, because within reason, we all think relatively similar. I think for women I deal with it's a bit of a different animal, because quite frankly they are just more emotional than I am (and I don't mean emotional in a negative way).
Any other woman in the past, would have immediately gotten the why are you texting spill from me. I've always had a tendency to be cold when someone didn't want to see things through with me and I tended to regret it sometimes on down the road.
Do I agree with how she's dragging out the situation? No. Is the situation keeping me from living my life and being happy? No. The only thing it's costing me is this thread to where I'm asking questions for feedback. It's not costing me any sleep and I'm not canceling plans with other people to hang on to her. At 30 years old, I've had to seriously learn how to gather perspectives of other people and not always rely on my own. I'm finding my life is slowly starting to bare more fruit and it's not taking any more effort than me cutting the person out in the first place.
I still cut out people that don't directly belong due to a host of issues we would have, but this one is a bit more unique. Hey, I really liked her, so she tugs on my "I care strings" more than other women I have in my life. If I had promising options in my circle I may not care as much, but the reality is that I don't, even from a friendship standpoint. So I'm looking at this situation looking East and West before crossing the road, instead of just looking one direction and not acknowledging the other.
I absolutely HATE when people do this. I hate it so much I might just tell her to forget it. If she had something to discuss with you she could have just said hey, let's get together on Wednesday for a cup of coffee or whatever. It adds drama to tell someone I won't tell you what it is, but I have something to tell you later. Why let someone dangle for days worrying about whatever it is.
I'd be thinking the same thing. Or talk it over the phone...IMO conversations that need to be saved in person include things like health chats, pregnancy scares, or a break up. Not chatting about trying to take it slow again and see what happens, or however she wants to proceed. It's so dramatic to hold off on it without a mention of the topic.
The other reason women do this thing is...
Quote:
Originally Posted by introspectguy
Also, and this may sound harsh, but she's teaching you how to be manipulated, not patient, with "we need to talk but I can't tell you what about". When people do that it usually causes the other person anxiety and keeps them hanging on, and that's just not cool.
Exactly. This is so dumb. Why not tell him exactly what you want to talk about, but mention you'd prefer to continue the chat in person? At least give him the convenience of having some time to think about what he wants to say. Instead of catching him off guard when you know exactly what you're going to run off about for 30 minutes while he sits there. Often the same women who do this end the conversation with some sort of veiled ultimatum. That the other party has no clue how to react because it was their first time hearing everything.
You may be her second choice, and that may be okay with you if you have a practical outlook on dating. However, that doesn't mean she should treat you like seconds.
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
I still cut out people that don't directly belong due to a host of issues we would have, but this one is a bit more unique. Hey, I really liked her, so she tugs on my "I care strings" more than other women I have in my life. If I had promising options in my circle I may not care as much, but the reality is that I don't, even from a friendship standpoint. So I'm looking at this situation looking East and West before crossing the road, instead of just looking one direction and not acknowledging the other.
Thoughts?
Last edited by glenmorangie; 11-18-2014 at 12:58 PM..
I'm also well aware of the bolded comment as well. I wouldn't think that's her angle, but at the same time you don't always know what's going on within someone's head either. I'm trying to be fair and give her the benefit of the doubt, even though I have my own negative opinion of how the situation is being handled. The other thing I'm trying to be mindful of is just because I think a situation should be handled a certain way, doesn't mean that the other person is going to handle it the way I see fit.
I've always been the type to cut people out, because they just didn't fit my similar viewpoint. I think that works well with my guy friends, because within reason, we all think relatively similar. I think for women I deal with it's a bit of a different animal, because quite frankly they are just more emotional than I am (and I don't mean emotional in a negative way).
Any other woman in the past, would have immediately gotten the why are you texting spill from me. I've always had a tendency to be cold when someone didn't want to see things through with me and I tended to regret it sometimes on down the road.
Do I agree with how she's dragging out the situation? No. Is the situation keeping me from living my life and being happy? No. The only thing it's costing me is this thread to where I'm asking questions for feedback. It's not costing me any sleep and I'm not canceling plans with other people to hang on to her. At 30 years old, I've had to seriously learn how to gather perspectives of other people and not always rely on my own. I'm finding my life is slowly starting to bare more fruit and it's not taking any more effort than me cutting the person out in the first place.
I still cut out people that don't directly belong due to a host of issues we would have, but this one is a bit more unique. Hey, I really liked her, so she tugs on my "I care strings" more than other women I have in my life. If I had promising options in my circle I may not care as much, but the reality is that I don't, even from a friendship standpoint. So I'm looking at this situation looking East and West before crossing the road, instead of just looking one direction and not acknowledging the other.
Thoughts?
You are making real progress in your life, and that's to be commended, especially when you're seeing the positive results of these little changes. Good for you!
I think you have posted in the wrong forum. You need to post in the "Making the Right Decisions and Acting Like a Normal Human Being". Do they have one of those here?
Sounds like you're definitely aware and keeping yourself grounded while this plays out, so keep looking both ways and see it through. You'll probably have a much better idea of where all this is going and what her intentions are after talking with her in person.
Glad you've got other perspectives. I try and do the same, unless it's complete "deal breaker" of a situation for me that I won't budge on. Other than that, it's always good to have an outside objective view on things.
Sounds like you're definitely aware and keeping yourself grounded while this plays out, so keep looking both ways and see it through. You'll probably have a much better idea of where all this is going and what her intentions are after talking with her in person.
Glad you've got other perspectives. I try and do the same, unless it's complete "deal breaker" of a situation for me that I won't budge on. Other than that, it's always good to have an outside objective view on things.
1 thing though, the ball is on YOUR COURT. She took a turn the last time and she basically drove the car. It's your car now and you take control. It is what YOU want to do, not what she wants to do. You need to show her a tooth or two so she knows not to mess with you.
But, I am going to go somewhere really quickly but it won't hurt too much. See, it's not about games but it is about demonstrating the ability to stand tall, proud, and strong. You don't know each other yet and are still finding your ways. This is the time to step up as a MAN. Not saying be a "D" but just be a man/be assertive.
Last edited by halfamazing; 11-18-2014 at 02:18 PM..
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