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So I'm newly divorced after a long marriage. I didn't really date the field before getting settled so I'm learning lessons about dating and men that women in their teens and early 20s have learned.
So I'm trying OLD and I seem to be running guys off after meet and greet.
Trying to figure out what in doing wrong... If anything.
One guy and I got in several testy discussions about church and the way I choose to worship. Then he encouraged me to dress more conservative. 😐.
I don't wear very short and seldom show cleavage. I wear clothes that fit and accentuate my curves.
I also saw this behavior from him as red flags since my ex was very dominating and insisted that I dress very homely and used the bible as his reason for keeping his woman under control. 😐
I was okay about not meeting this first guy past meet and greet.
Guy number 2 at meet and greet suggested me going to his house to watch game. Of course I refused. Then he proceeded to have conversation like would I leave if he got hurt and couldn't work... 😏 and then told me how his mother waited on her husband hand and foot and that he wanted that as well. And the bible 😧 taught that women and men had their roles to play...
I'm thinking "wow... We are just meeting for coffee". I then had to suggested that we go slow and get to know each other and let's have fun doing it...
The third guy... Seemed very lovely and took me to art museum. But over dinner he asked about the demise of my last relationship. And when I briefly explained that the marriage drifted and I wanted to go slow because I was cautious due to some hard lessons learned from divorce he became irritated and told me that someone should beat up my ex for treating me so poorly. And kept "joking" about that and saying there couldn't be that many (insert ex hubby name) in the suburb he lived in. 😯
I'm very frank that I like who I am and I am not looking anyone to change me and I'm not looking to change anyone else. I also make it clear that I don't expect for anyone to take care of me and I don't want to take care of anyone else. (First man I mentioned kept wanting to buy me things when I accompanied him to sand club). I declined. I hardly knew him.
Am I coming off too independent. Too much attitude??
Everyone of these guys complimented my looks... And then immediately started with the questions. How many guys was I talking to or critiquing my fashion style. Also I guess meeting a female friend at a jazz club for girl night out is akin to hanging out in "meat market type" clubs...
I would like to casual date until I meet someone I get a spark with and go from there...
I'm starting to get a little worried.
Those guys were not a good fit. So I'm really fine. I'm just getting worried that what if I meet someone who I really do like... Am I doing something to turn them off...
You're not doing anything wrong. On OLD you have to weed through quite a few before you find the gems. Also, don't assume that Christian sites have the good guys. Some creepy guys lurk on those sites for what they expect will be easy pickings.
Try to get the preliminary discussions out of the way by text or email, so you won't have to waste time on meet-and-greets doomed to fail. You can have an email get-to-know-you process first, as a way to weed out the types who don't like the way you worship, or whatever. Also, just accept the fact that you may hit it off with only 1 in 10 or 20. That's just the way it is.
Are there church and community functions and events you can attend to meet people? Speed dating? Friends you can network through? Try all angles.
It's online dating. You have to, metaphorically speaking, kiss a few frogs. Not everyone's a prince.
It sounds like you know what you want/don't want, stick to that and you'll be fine. You're not going to turn off somebody who is really interested. Somebody easily turned off isn't really interested. And the three men you mention sound like poor candidates, in general, anyway, so no loss.
That is one thing I find very frustrating. I would like to do more talking on email and on the phone before meeting in person… But it seems that the guys after talking on the phone and decide that they like my personality they immediately immediately want to meet in person. Almost as if they are making sure that I look like my pictures. And then when meeting me seem pleasantly surprised and the start making overtures that are rather domineering/controlling which I find alarming since this is after the FIRST MEETING. Then when I politely deflect attempts to control (suggest) things they don't even respond to any future text. Rather rude so good riddance.
However. What if I really liked one... I don't want to come off the wrong way...
One guy and I got in several testy discussions about church and the way I choose to worship. Then he encouraged me to dress more conservative. 😐.
Guy number ... told me how his mother waited on her husband hand and foot and that he wanted that as well. And the bible 😧 taught that women and men had their roles to play...
Sounds like you're dating too many religious guys, but maybe that's just me...
Okay. I guess I just need to relax. I got divorced and of course ex told me no one would find me attractive or want to be bothered with me... So I guess I'm getting s little nervous.
Sounds like you're dating too many religious guys, but maybe that's just me...
Yeah. You would think I was on Christian mingle. Lol. I'm not.
I'm so surprised that these guys are so religious. But I think they are using religion as a way to control. Just like the way my ex did.
I told the first guy "you know people don't get to heaven by how hard they control someone else" you get to heaven by your own actions... How you live YOUR life. Not how well a person controls their wife or daughter.
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