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All guys fear rejection. Some just control it better. A lot of women let nice guys buy them drinks. They fall under the "let's just be friends" category.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenMachine
It's not easy for a man to walk up to a strange woman in a bar or restaurant and then face rejection. That's why you have to smile and look him in the eye. And a man likes to feel like a man. Women forget this. They try and overpower the meeting, take control of the conversation, or they won't let him pay for the drink. Don't try to compete with him. Let him speak the first word. If you like him and he offers to buy you a drink or an appetizer, say yes.
Hey everyone! Happy New Year!!!!! I'd like a little advice. I am 38 year old mixed (African American and White/Jewish) woman with one child and never been married. I'm a corporate sales rep for a fourtune 500 company, have a strong and funny personality and I don't look all that bad. When attending functions that include men, I normally get a lot of stares...
My question: Why do men look or stare without approaching me? It's the craziest thing and very frustrating. I am a little old school in that; I don't think or feel like I should do the approaching. What do you think????
Because your probably very beautiful, and men are generally intimidated by that beauty and will not approach, and I would be very cautious of those that do....
You will find, most men, are not very confident...some are, but most are not...and I think, it would be a great idea for this country to explore why?
There are a lot of women who are not confident as well....so, please don't get me wrong...but...what I have written here, is what I've heard from many as to your guestion why?
Maybe what you should do, is be a butterfly, meaning, walk around and socialize and spark up converstions...let the woman in you behind, meaning...the looks, etc...and simply be a human being first.
Also, being a corporate woman....well, perhaps it is not fair to say this, but a lot of corporate women are aggressive...to aggressive, and they intimidate men...especially if you come on controlling....or overly powerful....I say, be a lady first...morals, allowance, and listen as well as talk? I work in a world absolutely full of corporate women...plus sales people learn to be aggressive, they have to, especially a rep....you have an alotted time to get in and out, and before you know it, you adopt that character...yanno?
Well, I'm a man, so I would probably figure that there are a lot of men who leave these meetings/social events, or whatever, and WISH they had of been bold enough to approach you. I say this because I have seen it, and have lived it. Back when I was in my early twenties, I worked at a medium size corporation, but I was in a pretty low level, as far as the jobs there were concerned. There was a woman there who was the assistant plant manager, who evidently had taken a strong likeing to me. She was a pretty woman too! But in spite of her (overt'ly friendliness) toward me, did I dare ask her out? No! I didn't, because I guess it was a feeling of intimidation, mixed with a fear of my having misjudged her intentions, and thinking I would get fired or something. Now, I look back, and I want to kick my own butt really hard for being so dumb. So, I think you should just approach a man you think you like, and strike up a conversation. Hopefully, he won't be as dumb as I was!
Everyone is different. Some men are shy and would be open to being approached by a lady. Your a sale professional. Use those sales instincts, read the person you are interested in. Use what comes natural to you and you'll do fine.
Good luck, there's someone out there for everyone. There's someone out there for you. Go get em tiger!
I totally get what your saying about my sales technique...BUT, its a little different when you're not getting paid and I am certainly not a ***** LMAO!!!! I too am shy but I do get your point. Men are people too!!!! I really apprecaite your comment and suggestion and may God bless you and yours. Take care!!!!
Because your probably very beautiful, and men are generally intimidated by that beauty and will not approach, and I would be very cautious of those that do....
You will find, most men, are not very confident...some are, but most are not...and I think, it would be a great idea for this country to explore why?
There are a lot of women who are not confident as well....so, please don't get me wrong...but...what I have written here, is what I've heard from many as to your guestion why?
Maybe what you should do, is be a butterfly, meaning, walk around and socialize and spark up converstions...let the woman in you behind, meaning...the looks, etc...and simply be a human being first.
Also, being a corporate woman....well, perhaps it is not fair to say this, but a lot of corporate women are aggressive...to aggressive, and they intimidate men...especially if you come on controlling....or overly powerful....I say, be a lady first...morals, allowance, and listen as well as talk? I work in a world absolutely full of corporate women...plus sales people learn to be aggressive, they have to, especially a rep....you have an alotted time to get in and out, and before you know it, you adopt that character...yanno?
Creme
I know Creme- initially I am very timid and unassuming so I think I need to step up my game and open a few doors...its just so damn hard to do...yanno? You mention the fact that I should be a lady and I "thought" that a lady should just lay back in the cut and wait to be approached. You have no idea how frustrating this is for me. I will admit its a little boost to the ego when I get the stares but without follow-through, its all for NOT....its really hard to explain. Men always assume that I am in a relationship and I don't get that either if clearly I don't wear a ring...which I don't!!!! So...I appreciate everything that you've said and I will implement these things the next time I find myself in the position to do so. God bless you and take care....Have a wonderful 2008!!!
I definitely agree with Greenie about the smiling thing. Not so much about the acting shy part, though. There's nothing wrong with shyness (I personally come off as the shy, quiet type until others get to know me) but I think confidence is key. Not too much so as to be intimidating, just enough to show your true colors. Time and time again, I've heard guys' input about the girl who shined the brightest perhaps was not the most beautiful one in the room, but the one who seemed the most confident in herself.
I definitely agree with Greenie about the smiling thing. Not so much about the acting shy part, though. There's nothing wrong with shyness (I personally come off as the shy, quiet type until others get to know me) but I think confidence is key. Not too much so as to be intimidating, just enough to show your true colors. Time and time again, I've heard guys' input about the girl who shined the brightest perhaps was not the most beautiful one in the room, but the one who seemed the most confident in herself.
You're more likely to get a good man if you approach him instead of the other way around. Think about it. Men who approach women have probably been trying to pick up on just about anything they see - for years. For them, I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem doing this while he's married. A slight quarrel in a relationship and he might be at the bar down the street asking a female out. Men are pigs. Oink.
I keep thinking of this scene where at an event or social gathering where one sees a person across a crowded room, their eyes meet and they instantly fall in love with each other. Much like the song Some Enchanted Evening (Perry Como version is the best). As a romantic type, I always dreamed of this taking place.
Well it actually did. She was beautiful, our eyes met, we fell in love and it was majical. Well for about two months that is. She turned out to be a real nightmare.
So the lesson in this is that it is not the wrapper, but the person within.
I found the bar scene by it's nature is filled with people escaping reality. Your best bet is meeting someone at a place where you may have common interests like a book store, Church, coffee shop, fitness center...
Also, don't be in too much of a hury. Take your time and expect to meet Mr. right in the right place and at the right time. May God bless and keep you safe.
Hey everyone! Happy New Year!!!!! I'd like a little advice. I am 38 year old mixed (African American and White/Jewish) woman with one child and never been married. I'm a corporate sales rep for a fourtune 500 company, have a strong and funny personality and I don't look all that bad. When attending functions that include men, I normally get a lot of stares...
My question: Why do men look or stare without approaching me? It's the craziest thing and very frustrating. I am a little old school in that; I don't think or feel like I should do the approaching. What do you think????
The first thing you should do is check your BMI. If it is over 25, then you have your answer.
Last edited by ggjacobsen; 01-05-2008 at 11:52 AM..
Reason: Change link
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I too am shy but I do get your point. Men are people too!!!! I really apprecaite your comment and suggestion and may God bless you and yours. Take care!!!!
Some Enchanted Evening
Check your BMI
