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I've been dating this guy for a little over a month. We've been seeing each other once a week. He texts me almost every day in between dates. He almost always initiates text communication. We slept together the last couple of dates. The last date was about a week ago, and the following night, he did text me that it was great seeing me the night before.
Now, the reason I'm wondering if he's starting to do the slow fade is that even though he's still texting me regularly since the last date, he hasn't asked me out again on another date. He always asks me out at the beginning of the week. He did say he has a cold - offered this information without me prompting him. I know that he could be legitimately sick because there seems to be some bug going around, but I also know that guys use the "I'm sick" excuse when they no longer want to see you.
So to recap: He still texts me regularly, initiates most of the texting, said it was great seeing me last time, but claims he has a cold and hasn't asked me out again. He also hasn't offered to see me when he gets better. Are these signs of a guy starting to execute the slow fade? Or am I overreacting?
I think you are overreacting.
Why don't you ask him how he is feeling, ask him if he needs any cold medicine from the drug store, and offer to bring him some chicken noodle soup?
If he's done all the initiating in planning and texting, he's probably going to get turned off eventually until you show him some proof you're interested and capable of a little initiative.
Pick a night or two and ask him if he's free on one of those nights to do an activity of your choosing.
Well, I've slept with him. And I'm sure he can see my excitement when we get intimate. If you were the guy, wouldn't that clearly indicate to you that I am definitely interested?
Well, I've slept with him. And I'm sure he can see my excitement when we get intimate. If you were the guy, wouldn't that clearly indicate to you that I am definitely interested?
You're assuming that when you have sex with a guy a few dates in that's somehow a silent way of telling him you want a relationship down the line?
Nope. It would clearly indicate they were interested for that night. But to assume they wanted a long term commitment based on sex alone would be jumping to conclusions. Men and women will sleep with each other for plenty of reasons that don't involve a desire to continue dating.
If you've already surpassed the text/date/nookie stages of the pseudo-relationship, why not offer to bring him over some soup? I'd do that for a friend and you've already graduated past that stage.
If that won't work, you really need to be blunt with yourself about what you want and expect from this guy and clue him in. If he's been clued in and you're not keen on the soup idea, wait till he's better and then see if things pick up again. Especially if he's initiating the texting. It's hard to be romantic and to think about going out when you have a semi parked up your nose, into your brain.
You're assuming that when you have sex with a guy a few dates in that's somehow a silent way of telling him you want a relationship down the line?
Nope. It would clearly indicate they were interested for that night. But to assume they wanted a long term commitment based on sex alone would be jumping to conclusions. Men and women will sleep with each other for plenty of reasons that don't involve a desire to continue dating.
It's not a clear indication of wanting an LTR down the line, but it is an indication of a woman's interest to get to know and continue seeing a man. Of course, there are women who only want sex. But I think most men would know that usually, women don't have sex with men just for the sake of having sex.
In my situation, since I always respond when he texts, always say yes when he asks me out, and I'm sleeping with him, I am showing him that hell yeah, I'm interested.
So to recap: He still texts me regularly, initiates most of the texting, said it was great seeing me last time, but claims he has a cold and hasn't asked me out again. He also hasn't offered to see me when he gets better. Are these signs of a guy starting to execute the slow fade? Or am I overreacting?
No, you're under-reacting.
How about you call him up and ask him out on a date? The third or fourth date should have been requested and paid for by you. The guy is probably tired of doing all the work and paying for everything. You need to put some effort into this, too.
And no, spreading your legs does not qualify as "effort."
You're assuming that when you have sex with a guy a few dates in that's somehow a silent way of telling him you want a relationship down the line?
Nope. It would clearly indicate they were interested for that night. But to assume they wanted a long term commitment based on sex alone would be jumping to conclusions. Men and women will sleep with each other for plenty of reasons that don't involve a desire to continue dating.
Gawd, I'm so tired of women thinking all they have to do to get a relationship going is show up and put out. They make the rest of us look bad.
Gawd, I'm so tired of women thinking all they have to do to get a relationship going is show up and put out. They make the rest of us look bad.
It's news to me that women don't have sex with men just for the sake of having sex.
I guess I forgot we all get attached after the deed and that our only hope for sexual pleasure with another human body is within the context of pursuing a relationship. Darn it.
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