Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-20-2014, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,756 posts, read 11,946,202 times
Reputation: 30155

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean View Post
I go to meetup groups to make friends. Now, I don't mind if a friendship turns into more... or if a friend introduces me to someone. I think networking is the best way to meet a man. But that's a bit different and more subtle and it's a side effect of the meetup group, not my goal. It's more of a getting to know someone over time and it being a very warm approach as opposed to a colder approach.

I guess the answer is, you aren't going to know which women do and which women don't want to be approached. I'd suggest just getting to know them better in the context of the group, over time. Heck, if they are interested, one of them might ask you out if you become familiar and feel safe to her.
^^^This seems to be the most reasonable route. It gives a woman time to warm up to you instead of her feeling pounced upon because you like the way she looks.

Meet-up groups are for those who share a similar interest/hobby, so you can't assume everyone is interested in dating. Allowing that time to get to know the people in your group will give you a chance to make a good impression, without the pressure of a date, and determine who might be worth approaching and who would be interested (or not) in that approach.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-20-2014, 02:42 PM
 
Location: NYC
5,174 posts, read 4,627,723 times
Reputation: 7918
In my city, meetups are by far the easiest way to get numbers. I can easily get three to four numbers without really trying. I went to a French meetup and I don't speak any French and I got two numbers that night. In a way, the meetup crowd is kind of like the low hanging fruit because the most attractive, confident and socially adept people don't attend meetups.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2014, 02:46 PM
 
211 posts, read 265,512 times
Reputation: 901
I met my G/F through meetup. I was actually there to just have fun and eat and play sports with a secondary focus on the ladies. Anyway, if you strike up a decent convo and want to ask a girl out or for her #, just pull her aside and do it!

Life is too short to worry about coming off as a creeper or "protocol". Besides as you correctly state, you may not see her again. Granted, you don't want to be asking like 10 girls out in one meetup though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2014, 02:48 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,071,294 times
Reputation: 11796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adhom View Post
In my city, meetups are by far the easiest way to get numbers. I can easily get three to four numbers without really trying. I went to a French meetup and I don't speak any French and I got two numbers that night. In a way, the meetup crowd is kind of like the low hanging fruit because the most attractive, confident and socially adept people don't attend meetups.
Riiiiiight. And attractive, successful, and confident people don't need to "resort" to online dating either, right?

OP, I'm a single woman and although I've never attended a meetup event, I would consider it as a way to make new friends AND as a way to meet potential dates. I think it's like anything - you just have to feel the situation out as you go along. If she seems receptive, then by all means ask! I think you can tell a TON based on body language and eye contact. I personally feel meetup could be a great way to meet dates - less pressure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2014, 02:51 PM
 
144 posts, read 258,684 times
Reputation: 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adhom View Post
In a way, the meetup crowd is kind of like the low hanging fruit because the most attractive, confident and socially adept people don't attend meetups.
I would slam you for this statement and take much offense... if it were not all true

I mean if you're a model, you have people clamoring to do things with you all the time, so I can see what you mean.

So I think this shares my point - meetups are indeed a 'low hanging fruit', most people in my age group - 20s and 30s - wouldn't go to the more social meetups if they were married, had an active social life themselves or a significant other of sorts.

I also found it easy to ask for phone numbers but more than 1/2 of them didn't turn into anything, which is why I posed my original question, followed by how women would like to be approached.

It seems to me that the best way is to develop a rapport with seeing a girl over again, but if she doesn't show up to another one, then you just lost your chance.

Last weekend I was at a meetup and this girl and I hit it off - we spoke the entire time. I asked her if she plans on attending the one next week and she left it vague. I then casually asked her if she goes to any other meetups and she says that she does it on the 'spur of the moment'. I didn't ask her for her phone number after speaking with her for 1 1/2 hours because I wanted to see her again one more time to develop that rapport - but now I'm thinking how idiotic of a move that was.

Now I have to be that guy who tracks her profile down on the meetup event and message her after a week.

**** it - ladies, I'm going after your phone number the first time I see you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2014, 02:53 PM
 
Location: DC
837 posts, read 956,486 times
Reputation: 885
Quote:
Originally Posted by nasridian View Post
This one's for the ladies, specifically in their 20s and 30s.

What are your thoughts on being asked for your phone number or for a cup of coffee (later in the week) at meetups (meetup.com events). Besides the single meat market events, do you go to meetups with an open mind to meeting a guy?

If so, would you prefer that he asks you on a date via messaging through the site or asks you for your number then and there?

I've been going to a few of these events and can't seem to figure out whether women want to just attend the events and be left alone or go because they're interested in meeting guys - again, ones that are not the single meat market events (we know everyone's trying to hustle there).
I think the Meetup.com culture varies city to city. When I was living in Chicago it seemed to be geared toward an older crowd since there are enough activities and events in the city for younger people to meet each other. I don't know how the site works in DC, but it may be understood to be a platonic method of networking or making friends. Despite the "rules," which I saw you say you're fine with ignoring if the situation allows you to be respectful about it, I think the average person would be up for exchanging digits or an email as long as you're not pushing for the initial meeting as a dating pitch.

It's safer to assume they all want to be left alone to focus on the Meetup activity, but that doesn't mean you can't slip a number in by making it look like a networking exchange of info rather than, "Give me your number so I can try to date you."

But then again, the women here operate on such a different frequency than in Chicago, so I feel like I can't speak on behalf of them. There seems to be protocol in place that designates dating within social circles and stupid garbage like those living inside the beltway not dating those who live outside of it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nasridian View Post
Lastly, how do you ladies prefer to be approached? Do you mind if a guy that's interested hangs by your side (non creepily that is) during the event, or would you prefer to chat with him a bit and then keep his distance so you can enjoy the event?
I hate the hovering types. It makes me super uncomfortable, but maybe that's just me. Introduce yourself, make me laugh a little, give me your contact info or ask for mine, and then let me know you're looking forward to connecting again and go do your own thing. Don't orbit me like an asteroid for the entire evening.

Good luck navigating this circus!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2014, 02:54 PM
 
Location: NYC
5,174 posts, read 4,627,723 times
Reputation: 7918
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
Riiiiiight. And attractive, successful, and confident people don't need to "resort" to online dating either, right?

OP, I'm a single woman and although I've never attended a meetup event, I would consider it as a way to make new friends AND as a way to meet potential dates. I think it's like anything - you just have to feel the situation out as you go along. If she seems receptive, then by all means ask! I think you can tell a TON based on body language and eye contact. I personally feel meetup could be a great way to meet dates - less pressure.
Okay I figured I would hit a nerve with that last comment so let me clarify what I meant. I don't mean you will only find losers at a meetup. I have met very attractive people at these events. However, the turnout is typically quite uneven in that sometimes you will find people way older than your target age group along with a few socially awkward people you normally wouldn't see out and about. This is in comparison to a popular nightclub or bar where the crowd is almost uniformly young, well dressed and hip. Of course getting numbers at these venues is a lot harder.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2014, 02:56 PM
 
211 posts, read 265,512 times
Reputation: 901
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adhom View Post
In a way, the meetup crowd is kind of like the low hanging fruit because the most attractive, confident and socially adept people don't attend meetups.
I know it's just your opinion, but IME, people who go to meetups are the same as anywhere else, only difference is they usually are newer to the city and more single. Although it's true me and my G/F are ugly, have no self-esteem, and social losers . Not really, we're normal people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2014, 02:57 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,076 posts, read 106,933,722 times
Reputation: 115838
Quote:
Originally Posted by nasridian View Post
I would slam you for this statement and take much offense... if it were not all true

I mean if you're a model, you have people clamoring to do things with you all the time, so I can see what you mean.

So I think this shares my point - meetups are indeed a 'low hanging fruit', most people in my age group - 20s and 30s - wouldn't go to the more social meetups if they were married, had an active social life themselves or a significant other of sorts.

I also found it easy to ask for phone numbers but more than 1/2 of them didn't turn into anything, which is why I posed my original question, followed by how women would like to be approached.

It seems to me that the best way is to develop a rapport with seeing a girl over again, but if she doesn't show up to another one, then you just lost your chance.

Last weekend I was at a meetup and this girl and I hit it off - we spoke the entire time. I asked her if she plans on attending the one next week and she left it vague. I then casually asked her if she goes to any other meetups and she says that she does it on the 'spur of the moment'. I didn't ask her for her phone number after speaking with her for 1 1/2 hours because I wanted to see her again one more time to develop that rapport - but now I'm thinking how idiotic of a move that was.

Now I have to be that guy who tracks her profile down on the meetup event and message her after a week.

**** it - ladies, I'm going after your phone number the first time I see you.
OP, there are no guarantees in much of anything in life. Women may give you your number to be polite or avoid confrontation (some guys yell at women and get scary if the woman politely declines), so it may not turn into anything. That's just part of process of seeking a mate. And the thing is, as you found out, if you hang back and don't ask, you'll always be left wondering "what if".

So while I agree that the woman you enjoyed a long conversation with was difficult to "read", and ideally one would want a second meeting to confirm there was interest on her part, she didn't give you that luxury. So what does a guy in your position do? Take the hint (assuming it was a hint, which it may not have been), and give up on that particular woman? Or take the risk, and ask for a number?

Did you get her name? Have you looked her up on Facebook or in a phone directory, to see if she has a land line? Looking someone up in the phone book and calling them is one thing people used to do in the old days of phone books and land lines. But maybe you didn't get her last name.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2014, 03:01 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,076 posts, read 106,933,722 times
Reputation: 115838
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plain Yogurt View Post
I know it's just your opinion, but IME, people who go to meetups are the same as anywhere else, only difference is they usually are newer to the city and more single. Although it's true me and my G/F are ugly, have no self-esteem, and social losers . Not really, we're normal people.
This. Or they're not new to the city, they just want to meet new people. Some women go to meetups hoping to meet an interesting guy, even the hobby meetups that aren't strictly for singles. Some women don't want to feel like they'll have to deal with that kind of attention. It's a crap shoot, OP. There is no single, unified opinion on this among women. They're all individuals. Trying to get a consensus is like trying to herd cats: a futile activity.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top