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Hello, first time poster! I was just reading through some previous threads on men giving out business cards to women. It seems to me that there is a whole lot of mix feelings and views and I would like to hear some fresh opinions on my own scenario that I am going through.
Over the past few months I have been interested in a woman that works at a local coffee shop. I go there pretty much daily and she serves me often. We usually greet each other with a smile and a "how are you" or something of that nature. Occasionally when there is no line, customers, or staff around we talk for a few minutes or jokingly give each other a hard time about something. She's normally very cheerful and seems happy to see me and occasionally I catch her smiling in my direction (when she's not serving me). Now, I know she works in the service industry and is basically paid to be nice to me (the customer). However, in line, I have noticed that she is pretty normal with all other customers and gives me a smile when it is my turn to order... Not sure if this is all speculations or possible signs of interest?
At this point it is clear that I am interested in her and over the past couple of weeks I have been trying to come up with an appropriate way to contact her. I consider myself to be pretty outgoing and not usually a shy person but I don't really know how to go about this... I have never asked someone out at their workplace before and I feel as if it could lead to a real uncomfortable situation for her. I am OK and able to accept rejection but since I frequent this place often I don't want it to be awkward for her (I'll live)!
I am a freelance commercial photographer and over the past 5+ years have been working on a personal series involving local farms and farming culture. I receive many leads on possible locations and people who may be interested in being part of the project. The other day a friend of mine who works at a stable sent me a list of links of potential locations. I started to click through and stumbled across a picture of someone riding a horse. Well, it is her (small world or maybe small community???) and it turns out that she is a competitive horseback rider. I have lived on a farm my entire life and know a little about horses but am no expert on the topic but this may be some common ground...
So, here is my idea: The next time she serves me (and there isn't a crowd around) I may just ask her if by any chance are you a horseback rider? If she asks me how did I know that or whatever I would explain my project to her and how I came across the pictures of her competing. If she seems interested at all in the project I was thinking about handing her my business card and ask for some feedback on the images. My cell number and email are both on the card and I would express how I would love to hear her thoughts on the series. I was also thinking of very casually suggesting we hang out sometime.
Is this an appropriate way to reach out or is this just a cheesy/douche move??? My apologies for the long post but I feel as if this needed a proper explanation. Thanks for reading and I look forward to hearing any and all opinions!
I do think you should be careful about introducing yourself as a photographer given the stereotypical use throughout modern history of "I'm a photographer. Wanna be a model?" as a pick-up line. It doesn't mean you can't talk about it, of course, just don't lead with it.
I also wouldn't mention the horse photo. It might confuse her, as she will (willingly or not) begin to search her memory on the spot for what photo you might have seen, when was it taken, what competition was it, were you LOOKING for photos of her? etc. It could throw her off.
My advice is to hold on to what you know. Begin to stretch your conversations to other topics besides coffee so that you are at least acquaintances. Then after several of these exchanges, ask her out for ... not coffee ... and give her your business card.
Don't use your biz cards, you'll look like a total douche. I see it all the time in DC - guys even go out of their way to create a separate set of personal cards for this type of thing, it's weird.
I would just be normal and say, 'hey, so there's this photo exhibit [insert whatever interesting event] in a couple of days and wanted to know if you'd like to go with me, I think it would be fun"
In my own experience, it just takes one douchey thing for women to go from 'really like you to not so much anymore' - they're like friggin cats man!
Don't use your biz cards, you'll look like a total douche. I see it all the time in DC - guys even go out of their way to create a separate set of personal cards for this type of thing, it's weird.
Hmm. When I was dating in DC, it wasn't unusual to exchange business cards. I even left mine on a guy's windshield once (and had another guy do the same to me). Although they were actual business cards, not some separate creation.
DONT tell her that you spotted her in a photo feed, that's borderline stalker-ish.
...I use the "social card" faux business card. It can work, but not always. The place the card works, is if you discreetly hand her something that she can pocket, when she would otherwise get in trouble/lose face for exchanging personal info with a "customer" - you guessed it, Starbucks Barista in my crosshairs.
Hmm. When I was dating in DC, it wasn't unusual to exchange business cards. I even left mine on a guy's windshield once (and had another guy do the same to me). Although they were actual business cards, not some separate creation.
I also don't mind getting handed a business card and don't think it's douchy unless you use it as a talking point to brag about your career. I'm so bad with fumbling other people's cell phones and using their touchscreens when they hand it to me to type my digits in.
I wouldn't want him to give me a speech with the card, though. I don't need to hear how you're VP or senior director or work as a photographer. It's enough to let me know the number and email are on this piece of paper, here you go.
Hmm. When I was dating in DC, it wasn't unusual to exchange business cards. I even left mine on a guy's windshield once (and had another guy do the same to me). Although they were actual business cards, not some separate creation.
Okay, maybe I should clarify - I've also traded business cards and asked them on a date. But I don't think they give Starbucks baristas biz cards - hell, those people can't even spell our names correctly on the damn coffee cups!
Just ask her out old fashioned - nothing to it. You're a damn photographer man, that's sexy and you've won half the battle right there - there's got to be an event where you can take her, I'm guessing she's dying to do something cultural after serving hot frappucino soy crap all day long.
I don't think mentioning the photo would be stalker-ish.
It's totally coincidental and should be presented as such.
So I would not ask 'you ride?' I'd say, 'I am working on a project and a friend sent me some links and one of the pics looked like you...'
I do agree that a photographer is bound to have a bit of creepy attached to it due to the weirdness of others. But, brought up in the right way, no harm done.
Asking her to go to a showing would be a good way to see how things go. And asking at the workplace, I see no problem. I've been asked out plenty at the places where I have worked as it was the only place these people ever saw me.
If you think it would be awkward, leave her a note with your number and ask her if she is interested in a showing or visiting a gallery, to give you a call.
Yikes! Thank you Wmsn4Life for pointing that out! I forgot about the bad rep photographers get when it comes to women. I certainly don't want to come off as a creep or standoffish. I can see how the random coincidence of me coming across her image can be a bit stalker-like (it could go either way, but could creep her out). -It's just a risky move.
My main problem is that I don't really know her all to well. I talk to her almost daily but it is the usual "Hello, how are you" and basic small talk with the occasional flirting/poking fun when applicable. It can be busy at times so I like to keep it short since she is working... I'm not too worried about her getting in any trouble since I am very friendly with the owner. How would you suggest I go about getting to know her better without sounding like I'm just trying to pick her up. Has anyone had any experience with something similar? I feel that weather and new coffee flavors are a bit lame! Thanks again for all the posts, greatly appreciated!
Yikes! Thank you Wmsn4Life for pointing that out! I forgot about the bad rep photographers get when it comes to women. I certainly don't want to come off as a creep or standoffish. I can see how the random coincidence of me coming across her image can be a bit stalker-like (it could go either way, but could creep her out). -It's just a risky move.
My main problem is that I don't really know her all to well. I talk to her almost daily but it is the usual "Hello, how are you" and basic small talk with the occasional flirting/poking fun when applicable. It can be busy at times so I like to keep it short since she is working... I'm not too worried about her getting in any trouble since I am very friendly with the owner. How would you suggest I go about getting to know her better without sounding like I'm just trying to pick her up. Has anyone had any experience with something similar? I feel that weather and new coffee flavors are a bit lame! Thanks again for all the posts, greatly appreciated!
It's hard to make small talk with counter workers/cashiers since the nature of your transaction is SUPPOSED to be very brief.
But here are some tips that have worked for me :
Go in when you know they will be less busy.
Don't worry about sounding like you're trying to pick her up. It's OK. Ask her easy-to-answer questions that you can build on, like
How long have you worked here?
What did you do before that?
etc
If she mentions a previous or second job, ask about that. School? Ask about that. If she mentions her commute, ask which part of town she lives in, in case you're familiar with it and can say something knowledgeable about it (like "Are they ever going to finish that road construction over there?") React positively, and in way that shows you're interested and encourages her to say more.
That way you can (hopefully) comment on stuff she says and maybe remember to ask her about it NEXT time.
I really do want to caution you, though, about taking it personally in case she IS just doing her job by smiling at you. Because chances are good that she is.
Good luck, though!
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