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My roommate has a coworker who is very attractive, and they are decent work friends. Their relationship is truly platonic, and she refers to him as her hetero-gay best friend. He invited her out a few times with us, and she and I hit it off. She was very engaged in me, my work, and what I had to say. We had a few good conversations about what we were looking for in significant other, and discussed the top 3 physical things about a significant other that we like. Coincidentally, we each possess the others 3 favorite physical features. Last Thursday, she asked my roommate to hang out and just relax and watch movies, and asked if I would like to join them. I was at the bar, but I came home and we had a pretty good night. There was definitely some sexual friction between us, and I could tell in her body language that she was at least relatively into me, but we didn't hook up. The night ended, she went home, and I didn't think much of it.
The next day (Friday), my roommate went on a date with some girl that he met online. It apparently went terrible, and he called me up to go to the bar with him. When I arrived, I found out that this woman, his coworker, was coming out to meet us with one of her girlfriends. When she arrived, it took maybe 30 minutes before there was some physical contact between the two of us. We moved to a bar that was quieter so we could all talk and bull****. I didn't put any advances on her, and we were at the bar with my roommate and her friend in between us.
At some point, she moved over next to me and we started talking. There was some very serious eye contact, laughing, and touching, and next thing I know we are making out. We were both enjoying ourselves, but she expressed that she was a tiny bit worried about my roommate, and how he felt that we were hooking up because they are friends and coworkers. We talked to my roommate about it and he expressed that fact that he was totally cool about it -- something I already knew because we had spoken about it in the past. So we go back to hooking up, and had a really good time, but she had to leave because her friend had to take care of something important in the morning, and was not drinking. We all made plans to hang out the next night (Saturday), and she came over mid-afternoon and we went out again. There was definitely some flirtation occurring early on, and we went out to dinner, sat next to each other, and she kept laughing and touching me, leaning her head on my shoulder, and before dinner was over, I was rubbing her thigh and she was reciprocating.
We leave dinner, head to the pub, and start making out again, dancing on one another, and having a generally good time. We stayed there until about 4am. I had stopped drinking earlier, so I volunteered to drive her car home that night. The entire ride home, she’s sitting in the passenger’s seat rubbing my thigh, holding my hand, etc.. When we get back to my house, I ask her if she wanted to stay over, and she agreed. We went upstairs, and kissed, but didn’t have sex. We laid down and went to sleep. In the morning, we woke up, laid in bed for about an hour or two just hooking up, rolling around in bed together. We started to have sex, but I noticed a little nervousness or apprehension in her face, so I asked her if she was Ok and told her that we didn’t have to have sex at that moment if she did not feel comfortable. Her nervousness didn’t fade, but she didn’t answer me and I decided that we shouldn’t. She eventually got up because she had to go home to let her dog out, but I invited her for brunch & drinks at the beach afterwards, but she declined. It is understandable, because we only slept about 3 hours. She joked about next time we hang out, how we need to hook up in my elevator (I live in a 3 story townhouse with a private elevator). I commented that maybe it was a good thing that we didn’t have sex at that moment, and she made a comment along the lines of “Yeah, that way you will keep me around longer.” She knows that since I have broken up with my ex, that I have been on a little bit of a tear with women, so I am not sure if she was referring to her or me in that regard. Either way, I walked her out to her car, gave her a kiss goodbye, and that was it.
Here is the caveat: This girl is just getting out of a relationship with an ex-boyfriend who, according to her and my roommate, is a total dick. He’s very rude to her, treats her badly, and lives far away. They are broken up but she still talks to him, mainly argues, and has some sort of care for him.
It has been almost a week since this encounter occurred, and I cannot get this woman out of my mind. I have not contacted her, but I really want to. I spoke to my roommate about it, and he said that the two of them spoke about her and I during the week and she said that she thought I was cute, nice, and fun, but she didn’t really know because she’s still on the rebound. Apparently she said to him that she thought it was very nice of me to respect her wish not to have sex at that time. I find this girl incredibly attractive, and I would like to contact her to hang out again, maybe for dinner or drinks, but I don’t know how to approach it. Should I contact her? Via text? Phone? I feel like it may be a little awkward to call her and ask her out. I don’t know if I was just some random hookup, or someone that she was truly interested in. Or perhaps she could be interested in me, but now might not be the right time? I could potentially wait a week or two until we cross paths again and see how it goes, or I could be assertive and go for it.
Looking for interpretations of these events and potentially some advice on how to move forward. It’s been about a week since I have contacted her and I literally can’t get her out of my head.
TL;DR: Met girl, hooked up, shes on rebound, need to know how to proceed, should i call, etc...
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
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Why not call? I was in a similar situation 5 months ago. Met a girl just out of (by about 4 mos) a 8+ year relationship. I'm probably a rebound, but so what? She's awesome. The sh*t with the ex does, unfortunately, raise its ugly head some and it is hard, but it is better than not pursuing something with someone you're really into? Nope. Nothing will ever be perfect. The worst thing she'll say is no. Just call her. I wouldn't wait, but that is me.
Just ask for a date...
Also be aware everything you know about her realtionship is hersay and not nessarily the truth of the matter.
You already understand the situation you are getting yourself in to as a rebound, just be prepaired to cut it off if it turns in to an unhealthy situation. She is already shown you sings of an unhealthy mindset not ready to jump all in. Take it slow and make HER take it slow as well.
Don't get caught up, take a step back and gain some prespective.
I'm kinda nervous to call her -- I have never called her before. Is it stupid to text her asking if she wants to go out? Should it be casual (ie: drinks in a fun energetic setting) or should I bring her out to dinner. I guess that there is a part of me that fears the rejection because I really like her.
From a females perspective, it is very nice that you are considering her feelings.
Be honest with her, so her mind doesn't wonder too.
Say something like, I know you are coming out of a relationship. I would like to get to know you better. If you would like to get to know me better too, let me know when its a good time to.
Here is the caveat: This girl is just getting out of a relationship with an ex-boyfriend who, according to her and my roommate, is a total dick. He’s very rude to her, treats her badly, and lives far away. They are broken up but she still talks to him, mainly argues, and has some sort of care for him.
I'm kinda nervous to call her -- I have never called her before. Is it stupid to text her asking if she wants to go out? Should it be casual (ie: drinks in a fun energetic setting) or should I bring her out to dinner. I guess that there is a part of me that fears the rejection because I really like her.
Were you drunk every time you made out with her? I can never understand how you can be comfortable doing all these physical things with someone but still be nervous to talk to her on the phone.
I'm kinda nervous to call her -- I have never called her before. Is it stupid to text her asking if she wants to go out? Should it be casual (ie: drinks in a fun energetic setting) or should I bring her out to dinner. I guess that there is a part of me that fears the rejection because I really like her.
Why do so many people do the dinner date as a first date? Seriously, is that all you guys can think of for a date? It doesn't show much imagination. I don't know what there is to do in your area in terms of amusements, but I'm sure you can think of something more interesting than dinner. Beach? Art gallery-hopping? A concert in the park? Roller skating in the park? I'm sure you can think of something. I hope so, or you won't get very far in dating her or anyone. You'll run out of activities after the 1 dinner date, lol!
Were you drunk every time you made out with her? I can never understand how you can be comfortable doing all these physical things with someone but still be nervous to talk to her on the phone.
lol! It's the new hook-up world, where making out (and more) is less intimate and less of a personal statement than using the phone to communicate is. That's why the phone is generally avoided at all costs in favor of texting.
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