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I have a boyfriend and I care about him a lot. It's hard to do a lot of things with him do to cost but I just like hanging out with him. There's a man from church that's like a grandfather to me and he wants to get together with my bf and I to have lunch. My bf initially said yes but said he doesn't want to because he just doesn't want to. I'm kind of upset about this. When we get together we usually do. He's into comic books and Magic the Gathering. I'm not really into that but if he wants to talk about it or play it then we do. I went to a porn convention with him to make him happy. I've gone farther than I wanted with him sexually then I wanted to. I invited him to a church picnic in September but he said no. What should I do?
I am not sure what you are asking and what you are trying to convey as your post is confusing, but the gist of it seems like you having doubts about your boyfriend? Am I correct in that assessment?
I am not sure what you are asking and what you are trying to convey as your post is confusing, but the gist of it seems like you having doubts about your boyfriend? Am I correct in that assessment?
Sorry for not being clear. I'm just saying that we do a lot of things that he wants to do but if I suggest something he says he doesn't want to do it. I go out of my comfort zone for him but he doesn't really want to do what I suggest. I was just wondering if how I feel is ok
Sorry for not being clear. I'm just saying that we do a lot of things that he wants to do but if I suggest something he says he doesn't want to do it. I go out of my comfort zone for him but he doesn't really want to do what I suggest. I was just wondering if how I feel is ok
Ok so there is a lack of compromise on his part, you need to talk to him about this. It's not fair that you have to do all the compromising.
You can go to the picnic without him, but put your foot down and tell him you're not going to anymore of his events if you don't feel like it. And for the sake of your dignity, stop doing sexual things that you don't want to do. That's going to make you resent him eventually for having all the pleasure in the relationship.
You've probably already taught your boyfriend that you're a pushover. You can't really hold those things you didn't want to do against him since you're the one who had the power to say no. You didn't have to go to the convention and you don't have to engage in bedroom activities you don't want to. But you did, and now you might expect him to "owe you one" by going to this picnic. Or you just might feel let down because he doesn't enjoy your company enough to hang out for an afternoon with you and church folks.
A relationship isn't going to work if one person is a giver and the other is a taker. Either you can be okay with him doing stuff like porn conventions and comic books without you and start saying NO when you're not coming along, or you can keep expecting him to join you when he obviously doesn't want to.
Quit going out of your comfort zone
Quit doing everything he wants to do
Go and do whatever it is you want to do with or without him
and personally I would stress the without him.
A relationship is about sharing, compromise, understanding.
Mr. CSD likes to watch baseball on the television, I do not watch television except I will sit in the living room with him and read or quilt or sew or cross stitch just to spend time with him and we chat during the game.
Mr. CSD doesn't care for the fabric shop but he will go in with me and help me look for something specific or help me pick out fabric and not rush me just so we can spend time together.
How do I tell him? I'm not one to confront people. I find it hard to speak my mind cuz I'm afraid of upsetting people.
You don't tell him, you continue to make excuses why you can't stand up for yourself and live your own life.
Then you accept the fact that you have chosen to continue to live a life you are not happy living and you don't complain about it because it is "your choice" to do so.
Carry on...
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