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I find myself thinking about her during the day, something that has never happened to me. But the problem is I know I'm a damaged guy who probably won't do any good to anyone. I've several background issues mainly relating to my childhood and bad environment at home.
SparkMann ...
You are NOT a damaged guy.
Don't say it or even think it. You are not damaged. You are merely a human being like the rest of us, and you have issues like the rest of us.
You are a diamond, but 99.99% of all diamonds have internal imperfections called flaws.
You deserve to be happy.
Go slow and take "baby steps." Talk it over with a professional. Don't sabotage yourself. Work on building up your confidence and self esteem.
The way you describe yourself in the OP, you come off as pretty less than desirable, not trying to offend you. I think you also seem to have a bit of self awareness about it too, that's a good thing, that means you can work on it.
You have to see a problem before we can solve the problem.
I think you probably can fall in love, heck anything is possible.
Ridiculous. He's plenty desirable. Work on yourself, chief.
You just don't sound like you are really ready for a serious relationship. The confidence don't sound like it is there and you are sort of questioning and second guessing yourself already. You say that you know you are damaged, then why not address your issues first. Your mental wellness should come first, and don't play with this woman feelings if you know you are not ready yet.
He's 34. He's plenty ready. What a bunch of wet blankets on this forum. If I get banned for telling the truth, so be it.
From a rational female perspective, yes you can fall in love but your sexual history is extremely disgusting. Having sex with prostitutes and random unknowns is not just dangerous but tells of someone who's not only emotionally unstable but very mentally shaky. You are not someone who has any abilities to handle what relationships truly take, esp. So late in life. I hope for her sakes she doesn't get involved with you if she's a decent person.
So because he's had one night stands and seen escorts he doesn't deserve a decent person? This forum should be renamed the Receive Personal Attacks Forum. Sheesh.
Your question is whether a guy like you can fall in love. Sure - anyone can fall in love. The question isn't whether you're capable of loving someone. The question is whether you're capable of sustaining a relationship.
What a great point! Don't pass up this opportunity for love, OP, but DO get help with your issues, whatever they may be. Most people have stuff in their past and obstacles to overcome. You seem to have a good conscience about this, you don't seem like a jerk, so dedicate yourself to becoming the kind of person who can sustain a relationship. Give your new friend an opportunity to support you in that effort. Happiness can be yours!
I think you probably need to see someone or talk to someone you trust about your issues. It's good you have insight. A lot of people with issues don't even/ or refuse to realize they have a problem.
Good post. Hopefully the OP pays attention to posts like these and ignores the CRAP. Because of his self esteem issues he's likely to pay more attention to the crappy posts, unfortunately.
I'm 34 and I've never had a serious relationship. I had ONS and a few flings when I was younger but in these past few years I go to escorts regularly. Even a ONS needs some kind of effort and things don't get any easier as you get older.
I value my independence and personal freedom. I've never wanted commitment to anyone.
However, I met this woman at the food bank where I volunteer. She's very pretty, intelligent, sensible and a good company. I invited her to coffee to see how my picking up skills were. She accepted and we started going out more frequently.
Contrary to what usually happens, my main instinct wasn't to get her to bed. I seriously enjoy her company and her personality. The other day she leaned towards me and rested her head on my chest. I never have such close contact with anyone and I loved that moment. She told me I'm very special to her but she doesn't want to rush anything.
I find myself thinking about her during the day, something that has never happened to me. But the problem is I know I'm a damaged guy who probably won't do any good to anyone. I've several background issues mainly relating to my childhood and bad environment at home.
I thought this all "falling in love" stuff was nonsense but I don't know if I'm going through it right now.
I'd say you've already started to fall in love. And you are smart enough and aware enough to know that you have some issues that might make things a little harder. But to quote GI Joe, knowing is half the battle right? You will have work to do to get though the issues. If this is something you really want to pursue, a relationship with this woman, then see if you can get some help from someone whom you can trust to talk to, etc.
And don't think of yourself as "damaged." People aren't items that get damaged... you live your life and have experiences. Some are good, some are bad. But those experience don't make you the man you are, what you do with them makes you who you are.
I think it's wrong for you to lead her along, when you know the direction your relationship is headed. Since you are so aware of your "flaws", do you have any intention of working on them? If not, then you have to ask yourself, if it's fair to lead the woman on. If yes, then you should let her know your reservations, and give her the chance to either stay, or leave. I wouldn't let her in on the escort thing, that's pretty shady, and not something that is any of her business, if you don't want to tell her. From the sounds of it, she probably won't be hip and understanding about the role the professional had in your social life.
You sound like a perfectly good person to me, who has flaws and perhaps regrets just like everyone else...you volunteer, have a job presumably and havent mentioned having a criminal record...youre a lot more ahead of the game than half the people your age. Dont let our outdated social stigmas and sl*t shaming about one night stands and visiting prostitutes define you as a person...this isnt the 1950's...this is 2014 and youre human and you found human affection where you thought you could find it, relative to your circumstances at the time...there are people having 3 somes and orgies and who have AIDS, herpes etc in relationships, and here you are being insecure about your relatively hum drum sexlife. Its your body and your choice and everybody does what they think is best for them..nothing wrong with that if YOURE ok with it...but thats all that matters...if you have childhood issues, i would recommend expanding your social circle, or joining a support group for people who have been through similar situations as what youve been through...theres no shame it it, if you think you need the help. Good luck with the relationship though.
Last edited by soletaire; 11-24-2014 at 07:53 PM..
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