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I'm 34 and I've never had a serious relationship. I had ONS and a few flings when I was younger but in these past few years I go to escorts regularly. Even a ONS needs some kind of effort and things don't get any easier as you get older.
I value my independence and personal freedom. I've never wanted commitment to anyone.
However, I met this woman at the food bank where I volunteer. She's very pretty, intelligent, sensible and a good company. I invited her to coffee to see how my picking up skills were. She accepted and we started going out more frequently.
Contrary to what usually happens, my main instinct wasn't to get her to bed. I seriously enjoy her company and her personality. The other day she leaned towards me and rested her head on my chest. I never have such close contact with anyone and I loved that moment. She told me I'm very special to her but she doesn't want to rush anything.
I find myself thinking about her during the day, something that has never happened to me. But the problem is I know I'm a damaged guy who probably won't do any good to anyone. I've several background issues mainly relating to my childhood and bad environment at home.
I thought this all "falling in love" stuff was nonsense but I don't know if I'm going through it right now.
Independence and personal freedom is not given up in exchange for a healthy relationship. If it is, I believe that's called codependency.
What you can do, instead of sabotaging what may be a good thing for you, is tell her your concerns and agree that it's best for you both to let feelings develop slowly (if they do). In the mean time, seek ways to work through your issues. You have an option to remain stunted in life by allowing what happened in your past to prevent you from moving on and being happy. You also have an option to accept it and begin the healing process on the path to undamaging your damage.
Just keep in mind it's not fair to take her along for the ride of you don't plan on focusing how to move past the negativity you might have in you.
It's not magic. you write your own story as far as falling "in love" is concerned.
If you are constantly fighting it, it's not going to happen, YOU have to accept it.
Independence and personal freedom is not given up in exchange for a healthy relationship. If it is, I believe that's called codependency.
What you can do, instead of sabotaging what may be a good thing for you, is tell her your concerns and agree that it's best for you both to let feelings develop slowly (if they do). In the mean time, seek ways to work through your issues. You have an option to remain stunted in life by allowing what happened in your past to prevent you from moving on and being happy. You also have an option to accept it and begin the healing process on the path to undamaging your damage.
Just keep in mind it's not fair to take her along for the ride of you don't plan on focusing how to move past the negativity you might have in you.
Sure, why not? Anyone can fall in love at any given time. I doubt your issues are that complicated when you itemize them all out on paper. The wrong women will find fault with anything and everything you ever did wrong or not to their satisfaction. It's best to concentrate on the ones who look at the whole picture.
I'm 34 and I've never had a serious relationship. I had ONS and a few flings when I was younger but in these past few years I go to escorts regularly. Even a ONS needs some kind of effort and things don't get any easier as you get older.
I value my independence and personal freedom. I've never wanted commitment to anyone.
However, I met this woman at the food bank where I volunteer. She's very pretty, intelligent, sensible and a good company. I invited her to coffee to see how my picking up skills were. She accepted and we started going out more frequently.
Contrary to what usually happens, my main instinct wasn't to get her to bed. I seriously enjoy her company and her personality. The other day she leaned towards me and rested her head on my chest. I never have such close contact with anyone and I loved that moment. She told me I'm very special to her but she doesn't want to rush anything.
I find myself thinking about her during the day, something that has never happened to me. But the problem is I know I'm a damaged guy who probably won't do any good to anyone. I've several background issues mainly relating to my childhood and bad environment at home.
I thought this all "falling in love" stuff was nonsense but I don't know if I'm going through it right now.
If you're a damaged guy, get some professional help to lay all that to rest. It's definitely doable. She likes you. Go for it. If you get to know her well enough to tell her about all that stuff, she'd probably be supportive, as long as you treat her right. And who couldn't use a supportive partner?
I find myself thinking about her during the day, something that has never happened to me. But the problem is I know I'm a damaged guy who probably won't do any good to anyone. I've several background issues mainly relating to my childhood and bad environment at home.
Oh, gawd, who doesn't?
Really.
If those issues are that bad, get some help with them. Letting them define you and keep you from finding love and happiness has to be about the most self-loathing thing anyone can do.
So, work on them. Are they etched in stone? Do they present a serious obstacle to a relationship? Are you violent, or verbally abusive? Unable to hold down a stable job? Functionally alcoholic or have a gambling addiction? Barring any of that, whatever your issues are should be manageable. And Newbie's right, you can get therapy. You may be long overdue for that, anyway. This could give you the impetus you need to address some old wounds and to heal from them. It's a blessing.
The way you describe yourself in the OP, you come off as pretty less than desirable, not trying to offend you. I think you also seem to have a bit of self awareness about it too, that's a good thing, that means you can work on it.
You have to see a problem before we can solve the problem.
I think you probably can fall in love, heck anything is possible.
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