Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That's true, but when is there ever a guarantee? Most relationships don't "pan out," including those started when both parties have always been single and never married. Most people have to date at least a few individuals before they find "the right one." For some: many individuals.
Rarely is a person at "that perfect place" when starting a relationship (or ever). There is always something getting in the way of life. And what's getting in the way of life is usually life. Between careers...mother just died...a big move...illness...trouble with friends...car issues...there's always something. When is a person every perfectly serene, self-realized and "in the right place" for a relationship? Ever?
If you wait until you somehow feel a guarantee before even asking the person out, you're going to be waiting a long time. (Read: forever. )
That's a good point.
After my husband left, it took me a good two months to come to terms with what had happened, and to grieve the loss of a dream. But one day I hit a point where I felt done with the crying and shock, and I was beginning to self-reflect and process everything that went on, to help me in the future. I met a guy, we had a few dates, it didn't pan out. Then a month later I met my now husband. I wasn't looking to meet anyone, especially since I was just starting out on a journey of self-discovery. However, the way we connected, I simply couldn't walk away because of the timing or how it might look to others.
I was fortunate in the sense that he wasn't really long distance, but we were far enough apart that we only saw each other on weekends for the first two years we dated. I had time with him, but I also had 5 days a week on my own without him around which gave me that freedom to continue to reflect on life, the demise of my marriage and rediscover who I was.
Strictly speaking when a LTR/marriage ends, if you aren't doing any work to improve and learn, to reflect on your role in the demise of your relationship, and are using others as a distraction to hide from reality, then you likely aren't going to be the best candidate for dating. Some people can get their sh*t together faster than others so there is no blanket rule or timeframe for meeting someone else.
If fear of being alone is due to personal insecurity, where the does fear of not being alone come from?
Personal insecurity.
Seriously, all this varies. I've been with my husband now longer than I was with my ex husband. We started dating as soon as my ex moved out and I told him I wanted a divorce and a reconciliation was out of the question.
To this day my ex (who was emotionally abusive toward me AND the kids...and has anger issues) swears my husband and I were having an affair before the ex and I split. We were not, though.
I knew him. We were work friends. But, I never thought we'd click like we did in a relationship. I figured we might have a fling after the separation. My marriage to my ex was a very unhappy one, see.
But, we fell hard for one another. We dated for years before marrying. So, no rushing was involved there.
What I guess I'm saying here is that there are reasons to date soon after a split. And reasons not to.
There's no right answer that fits every person and every situation.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
I have never heard of the fear of not being alone. I mean if a person really wants to be alone then they can be alone. It really doesn't take a great deal of effort. No need for fear in that case.
That's true, but when is there ever a guarantee? Most relationships don't "pan out," including those started when both parties have always been single and never married. Most people have to date at least a few individuals before they find "the right one." For some: many individuals.
Rarely is a person at "that perfect place" when starting a relationship (or ever). There is always something getting in the way of life. And what's getting in the way of life is usually life. Between careers...mother just died...a big move...illness...trouble with friends...car issues...kids are too young...kids are old enough to know that Mom/Dad is dating after the divorce and don't like it...kids are adults and have "always known" you as married and freak out once you're divorced and dating...there's always something. When is a person every perfectly serene, self-realized and "in the right place" for a relationship? Ever?
If you wait until you somehow feel a guarantee before even asking the person out, you're going to be waiting a long time. (Read: forever. )
There are no guarantees in life; however, there are numerous red flags when dating. In my case, due to my emotional level and intelligence at the time, I chose to ignore the warnings, believing that 'love conquers all'. These are the types of tragic relationships that should never have been started in the first place. So for me, obviously it would never have panned out.
I have never heard of the fear of not being alone. I mean if a person really wants to be alone then they can be alone. It really doesn't take a great deal of effort. No need for fear in that case.
Some people are very afraid of being in relationships. This is what I thought Frihed meant.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
the only reason for hookup
the blind and overwhelming hatred and fear of being alone.
we will put up with all manner of abuse and irritation and expense to avoid it.
when u r alone, there is absolutely nothing to do and no one to blame.
of a truth i have seen people blame their spouse for everything--- for many years after the divorce.
for those of us that choose to brave being alone on the holidays its almost unbearable suffering.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Between careers...mother just died...a big move...illness...trouble with friends...car issues...there's always something. When is a person every perfectly serene, self-realized and "in the right place" for a relationship? Ever?
)
