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If you have strong emotional feelings as friends its not bad, but to the point where you wish he/was your SO that's a no no.Or if it interferes with the SO on a daily basis.Calling them for hours, telling them your personal info but not your SO.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
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In some way I feel like the physicality of the "affair" is what solidifies the betrayal. Emotions are completely natural, and its very hard to dictate what we are going to feel at any given moment but our physical actions, THAT we can control.
I feel there's more promise to a relationship when the partner can restrain themselves from giving into those emotions because lust/love/passion work just like anger in a relationship; you can feel that emotion of anger or disdain for your partner and choose to rationalize it rather than lash out on them in an unhealthy way.
You don't have to let those emotions become physical.
There's another thread going on from a married man who has a crush on a woman he works with. They flirt and text, but nothing physical. He does talk about his delight in gazing into her "sparkling beautiful blue eyes" or however he put it. Is he cheating on his wife? He'd probably say no. His wife might disagree.
Flirting can lead to an emotional affair. Flirting is not a part of friendship.
Committed partners should share problems, feelings, and needs with one another and determine the boundaries of what can be shared outside the relationship and to whom. Having friendships outside of the relationship is a healthy thing, but a reliance on outsiders to meet emotional needs can become a temptation, especially when the partners spend much time apart. Co-workers and others with whom we spend large blocks of time can become a substitute for the emotional support of a significant other. Work relations and friendships need to have proper boundaries to ensure they do not become inappropriate.
There are warning signs that an innocent friendship could be leading to an emotional affair. When we start to feel a need to hide aspects of a relationship, we are crossing a line into inappropriate territory. Emotional distance between significant others or an increase in the number of arguments may indicate one partner is turning to another person for closeness. Intimacy requires closeness, and that cannot happen if one partner gives his/her closeness to someone outside the marriage.
Here are some boundaries.
· Do not spend time alone with anyone of the opposite gender, especially someone you are attracted to.
· Do not spend more time with another person than you do with your significant other.
· Do not share intimate details of your life with anyone before sharing it with your spouse.
· Live transparently. Do everything as if your spouse were present.
· Plan time with your significant other on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis and use those times to build emotional closeness.
Many in the world believe that committed partners need “space” to the point of leading separate lives to have a healthy relationship. Codependency is not healthy, but interdependency is.
Sharing intimacy with someone other than your significant other, whether the intimacy is physical or emotional, is wrong and is a violation of trust.
Last edited by snugglegirl05; 11-27-2014 at 10:18 AM..
Flirting can lead to an emotional affair. Flirting is not a part of friendship.
Committed partners should share problems, feelings, and needs with one another and determine the boundaries of what can be shared outside the relationship and to whom. Having friendships outside of the relationship is a healthy thing, but a reliance on outsiders to meet emotional needs can become a temptation, especially when the partners spend much time apart. Co-workers and others with whom we spend large blocks of time can become a substitute for the emotional support of a significant other. Work relations and friendships need to have proper boundaries to ensure they do not become inappropriate.
There are warning signs that an innocent friendship could be leading to an emotional affair. When we start to feel a need to hide aspects of a relationship, we are crossing a line into inappropriate territory. Emotional distance between significant others or an increase in the number of arguments may indicate one partner is turning to another person for closeness. Intimacy requires closeness, and that cannot happen if one partner gives his/her closeness to someone outside the marriage.
Here are some boundaries.
· Do not spend time alone with anyone of the opposite gender, especially someone you are attracted to.
· Do not spend more time with another person than you do with your significant other.
· Do not share intimate details of your life with anyone before sharing it with your spouse.
· Live transparently. Do everything as if your spouse were present.
· Plan time with your significant other on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis and use those times to build emotional closeness.
Many in the world believe that committed partners need “space” to the point of leading separate lives to have a healthy relationship. Codependency is not healthy, but interdependency is.
Sharing intimacy with someone other than your significant other, whether the intimacy is physical or emotional, is wrong and is a violation of trust.
I disagree re: flirting not being part of friendship. Some people are just flirts. I swear, after reading here for years, I'm convinced that some individuals have no idea how to casually flirt. Not all flirting is an invite to sex.
I have flirted over the years with MANY people that I would NEVER have sex with. Or want to, not really.
The kind of flirting I'd do with someone I want to have sex with is quite different from friendly flirting. Maybe there are people who don't get the distinction?
Friendly flirting is something I would not mind my husband being present for. It's sort of wink/nod/pleasantries that have a gender/sexuality attached, but would not be perceived by most socially adept individuals as a come on.
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I disagree re: flirting not being part of friendship. Some people are just flirts. I swear, after reading here for years, I'm convinced that some individuals have no idea how to casually flirt. Not all flirting is an invite to sex.
I have flirted over the years with MANY people that I would NEVER have sex with. Or want to, not really.
The kind of flirting I'd do with someone I want to have sex with is quite different from friendly flirting. Maybe there are people who don't get the distinction?
Friendly flirting is something I would not mind my husband being present for. It's sort of wink/nod/pleasantries that have a gender/sexuality attached, but would not be perceived by most socially adept individuals as a come on.
**disclaimer....i'm only speaking about the behavior quoted, not the poster**
This ish right here would drive me nuts.....my ex behaved exactly as described above and ugh.....UGH.
My ex would also feel the need to "report" her flirts and such to me all the time.....if she was working an extra job at an event she would tell me about ALLLL the people she flirted with.
My response would be, "that's cool and fine if that's what you want to do, but why tell me? Me no care!" But I did care, because it made me feel sad, like I was nothing special to her, one OF a million instead of one IN a million.
She was a person that HAD to report every sordid detail with no tact at all, in the name of being completely honest. We'd even be lying in bed in the morning chatting, and she'd come out of nowhere with one of these babies:
"......speaking of dreams....a couple of nights ago I had this sexual dream about [fill in the blank]but OF COURSE I would never act on it, because we're in a relationship!"
Man, I ditched this one 3 years ago and never looked back. I vowed to myself that, next time, I will heed the red flags and slow down, back it up or just end it. We had gone out a couple of times in the early dating stage, I saw her being flirty with others, and even though I did feel a little uncomfortable, I thought "wow she's such a fun loving person, i'm glad she likes me" thinking she would magically change when we got together.
I honestly don't think there is anything wrong for the way she acts. My part in this is that i'm NOT like that, and don't want to date people who act this way. I should have listened to my gut feeling from the jump instead of dismissing it. I sure learned a lesson from this relationship!
edit: i've also learned that our behaviors are as varied and unique as we are. This is why taking my time and getting to know the person is crucial in making a decision on whom I choose to be in a LTR with.
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