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I just recently stopped someone who I had been seeing. We weren't in a relationship, but we were still in the stages where we were just dating each other exclusively. When we first started dating, I could tell that she really liked me a lot and I was a bit indifferent since we were in the beginning stages of dating, but I liked her and I enjoyed her company. Every time we saw each other, we had a great time and I found myself liking her more. She also wanted to be presented as a couple whenever she would meet my friends. Fast forward to our last date together and we were at my place. We talked, hung out, ate dinner, watched some movies, and after some time she was ready. I was inexperienced, but I told her since I felt safe telling her. She also told me that she was inexperienced. Afterwards, we continued to talk and when I mentioned something we could watch in the future, she didn't seem as excited as earlier when I was talking about something else she had never seen. I brushed it off since it was pretty late. Then she wanted to go home because she had something planned for the next day that she had mentioned earlier.
After telling me that she had arrived home safely and would see me on the next day we had scheduled to see each other, I don't hear from her all day. Then before I go to bed, she calls me saying that it just isn't there and she still wants to keep seeing me as FWB since I'm "extremely attractive", but not romantically. She told me that I did everything right, that she was just being too analytical about everything, and that she actually started thinking that way earlier. I let her know that I would call her back later since I needed some time to think about everything since it took me by surprised and it didn't make sense at all. I eventually called her back to talk about it and we haven't talked since then.
What do you guys think?
Has anything similar ever happened to any of you all? This is the first time this has ever happened to me so I don't even know what to make of it.
I just recently stopped someone who I had been seeing. We weren't in a relationship, but we were still in the stages where we were just dating each other exclusively. When we first started dating, I could tell that she really liked me a lot and I was a bit indifferent since we were in the beginning stages of dating, but I liked her and I enjoyed her company. Every time we saw each other, we had a great time and I found myself liking her more. She also wanted to be presented as a couple whenever she would meet my friends. Fast forward to our last date together and we were at my place. We talked, hung out, ate dinner, watched some movies, and after some time she was ready. I was inexperienced, but I told her since I felt safe telling her. She also told me that she was inexperienced. Afterwards, we continued to talk and when I mentioned something we could watch in the future, she didn't seem as excited as earlier when I was talking about something else she had never seen. I brushed it off since it was pretty late. Then she wanted to go home because she had something planned for the next day that she had mentioned earlier.
After telling me that she had arrived home safely and would see me on the next day we had scheduled to see each other, I don't hear from her all day. Then before I go to bed, she calls me saying that it just isn't there and she still wants to keep seeing me as FWB since I'm "extremely attractive", but not romantically. She told me that I did everything right, that she was just being too analytical about everything, and that she actually started thinking that way earlier. I let her know that I would call her back later since I needed some time to think about everything since it took me by surprised and it didn't make sense at all. I eventually called her back to talk about it and we haven't talked since then.
What do you guys think?
Has anything similar ever happened to any of you all? This is the first time this has ever happened to me so I don't even know what to make of it.
I've not experienced your scenario in regards to casual sex, but I'm assuming she probably likes you and feels hurt. So she pulled away.
I've not experienced anything like this, but trying to put myself in her position and thinking about what would make me act that way, I have a few theories.
Best case scenario would probably be that something upset her, and it might not be you. It could be something with her parents or an ex. If you really want to keep seeing her romantically, make sure she knows that and ask her what it was that made her feel differently. Let her know you're there to help her if she's going through something.
It could be that she does feel the same way about you as she did before, and wants everything to go on the way it was, but found herself feeling trapped and afraid of commitment. Especially if you're young, she might have realized that she'd like to focus on a career or just overall be single and do single things without feeling like she has to consider you (or anyone).
It's also possible that she wants to be with other people and has enough heart to at least not keep you thinking you're in an exclusive relationship. I had a friend who would say she's in love with a guy and then have one or two others on the side I guess just to feel extra wanted. Since she said she was over-analyzing, I would guess it's one of the first two scenarios or some combination of the two.
Whatever it is, you're going to have to find out from her.
Either she doesn't know herself very well or else she's not telling the truth as to why she doesn't want a romantic relationship. Anyway, her statement is pure gibberish as you write it.
I know guys who have had this happen to them....it comes from over analyzing, and then sharing everything with someone who you are just in the beginning stages of dating. I have tried to tell guys for years, that it's nice to share, but they need to spend that "over analyzing mode" on whether to speak out and share, or hold off and wait. You really told her you would call her back after you think about it? You must be younger than 21? I think too many people think/talk their way out of contention far too often......
I've not experienced your scenario in regards to casual sex, but I'm assuming she probably likes you and feels hurt. So she pulled away.
I guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheThistle
I've not experienced anything like this, but trying to put myself in her position and thinking about what would make me act that way, I have a few theories.
Best case scenario would probably be that something upset her, and it might not be you. It could be something with her parents or an ex. If you really want to keep seeing her romantically, make sure she knows that and ask her what it was that made her feel differently. Let her know you're there to help her if she's going through something.
It could be that she does feel the same way about you as she did before, and wants everything to go on the way it was, but found herself feeling trapped and afraid of commitment. Especially if you're young, she might have realized that she'd like to focus on a career or just overall be single and do single things without feeling like she has to consider you (or anyone).
It's also possible that she wants to be with other people and has enough heart to at least not keep you thinking you're in an exclusive relationship. I had a friend who would say she's in love with a guy and then have one or two others on the side I guess just to feel extra wanted. Since she said she was over-analyzing, I would guess it's one of the first two scenarios or some combination of the two.
Whatever it is, you're going to have to find out from her.
I asked her to tell me what was bothering her since the change came out of nowhere, but all she would tell me is that she just didn't feel it. By feeling it, she means warm feelings of love and passion which I think is unrealistic and pushing it for an early relationship. We were an interacial couple but I don't think that was it since she told me her parents don't care who she dates. In the past, I had have encountered where a girl wasn't allowed to date me due to my ethnicity. She also told me that she wants to meet other people online and see where that takes her. She also comes from a family where her parents divorced so I can understand why she would be hesitant to commit until she's 100% sure, but am I wrong in thinking that you can never be 100% sure and wanting to feel those emotions straight out the gate is a little paralyzing?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89
Either she doesn't know herself very well or else she's not telling the truth as to why she doesn't want a romantic relationship. Anyway, her statement is pure gibberish as you write it.
When I asked her what she wanted, she told me that doesn't know. I do agree with you -- I don't think she's telling me what's causing her to be hesitant.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vigueur2014
I know guys who have had this happen to them....it comes from over analyzing, and then sharing everything with someone who you are just in the beginning stages of dating. I have tried to tell guys for years, that it's nice to share, but they need to spend that "over analyzing mode" on whether to speak out and share, or hold off and wait. You really told her you would call her back after you think about it? You must be younger than 21? I think too many people think/talk their way out of contention far too often......
You mean over analyzing and sharing everything with the person you're dating or doing it and sharing with a close friend?
We are both working adults in our mid twenties and yes I did do that. We had made plans to spend some time with each other for Thanksgiving and I was not expecting everything to unravel instantaneously for apparently no reason.
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