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So you lied, and you think his needing time away from you to sort this out in his mind is "unfair." Is lying to your significant other about something major "fair?" Then, you didn't respect his need for space and that forced him to block you on social media to get the space he needed, And to top it off, you're now thinking he was lying about his feelings. You're very lucky this guy hasn't kicked you to the curb completely. Grow the hell up.
The thing I don't get is why he needed that space? what difference would it make? if he wants to be away from me isn't it easier to just break up instead of keeping me waiting to hear from him?
I think THAT is the mature thing to do
The thing I don't get is why he needed that space? what difference would it make? if he wants to be away from me isn't it easier to just break up instead of keeping me waiting to hear from him?
I think THAT is the mature thing to do
What you did was immature. You don't get to choose how he reacts to your lies, nor the terms he has imposed. Either suck it up and wait or drop him completely. I personally don't think he should bother with such a liar. It isn't a great foundation for a lasting partnership.
Personally I don't think you are ready for this relationship, or any other, if you cannot be honest about why you are not able to move by the date you originally stated. If the relationship is so precarious that one lies out of fear the other will break it off, it's not a relationship worth having.
It doesn't matter whether or not he was justified in his reaction to your lie. (And personally I think he was. Honesty is one of the most important aspects of any relationship.) It was his decision to make. His feelings for you were/are not mutual.
Sorry to be so brutal.
I think you're right, now i realize his feelings for me were not mutual. But that makes matters even worse because all the time we've been together he said he loved me deeply and i believed that. is it possible that love vanishes away so quickly? i mean, can you really lose a deep love for someone overnight?
In all honesty i would have forgiven him if situation was reverse and would NEVER block him out of my social media so quickly, to me that is not love, if he had blocked me after some days i would understand but so quickly? how could that be love?
This is a learning lesson for you. Tell the truth. The truth allows others to have a clear picture of who you are and they can make decisions from there. All of this would have been avoided if you were honest from the start and presented your situation truthfully.
Think about it. How hard would it have been for you to say:
I really don't want to leave you but I need to go back home. I understand you are not into long term relationships and I understand that because I feel the same way too about long distance relationships. I am facing some financial challenges but I will make every attempt to get back to you as soon as I can. Can you be patient with me for the next 3 months because you are really someone special in my life that I don't want to lose. Then be open to dialogue, compromise, and that persons feedback.
Have you ever heard versions of this story:
This truth is like the parable of the man who held a precious and rare bird cupped in the palm of his hands. He knew that if he continued to hold it tight, the bird would eventually suffocate. However, if he opened his hands the bird would fly away and he would lose it forever.
You suffocated your bird (person you love) by cupping him too close suffocating him with your lies to keep him close and you killed the love/trust/life he had with and for you.
Blocking you on social media would be my response too because you have no right to my life, activities, friends when I really would question anything you have ever revealed about yourself. I mean my thoughts would be, who are you? Was the interaction just fun and you are now back with some significant other preventing you from returning to me?
I'm just saying.
Truth is always best.
I lied out of fear of losing him. I didn't lie because i wanted to, yes it was immature but that was not an "evil" lie nor intended to do him damage. I bet everyone has already lied about something out of fear. once you findthe thing that you find to be the most precious you ever had you do everything you think is right to not lose it. unfortunately i took a wrong step but there are lies and lies. i could understand his reaction if i had cheated on him with someone else or if he had caught me talking **** about him on his back while being all nice in front of him for example... because that kinda stuff is nasty, but IMO what i did is much much lighter than that and forgivable, not right but forgivable
What you did was immature. You don't get to choose how he reacts to your lies, nor the terms he has imposed. Either suck it up and wait or drop him completely. I personally don't think he should bother with such a liar. It isn't a great foundation for a lasting partnership.
So you never lied in your entire life? Should someone be branded a "liar" because of one single lie? In all the time i spent with him i never lied about anything else other than the "returning date" thing. Should be be branded a liar because of a single wrong step? are people supposed to be perfect and never make any mistakes?
I lied out of fear of losing him. I didn't lie because i wanted to, yes it was immature but that was not an "evil" lie nor intended to do him damage. I bet everyone has already lied about something out of fear. once you findthe thing that you find to be the most precious you ever had you do everything you think is right to not lose it. unfortunately i took a wrong step but there are lies and lies. i could understand his reaction if i had cheated on him with someone else or if he had caught me talking **** about him on his back while being all nice in front of him for example... because that kinda stuff is nasty, but IMO what i did is much much lighter than that and forgivable, not right but forgivable
It's not about forgiveness. It's about trust.
It doesn't matter WHY you lied, only that you did. If you can't be honest and are actually in FEAR that you will lose him, you didn't really have him in the first place.
In the future, if you find yourself starting to lie in order to "protect" someone (including yourself), stop and really think about what you are doing.
I think you're right, now i realize his feelings for me were not mutual. But that makes matters even worse because all the time we've been together he said he loved me deeply and i believed that. is it possible that love vanishes away so quickly? i mean, can you really lose a deep love for someone overnight?
In all honesty i would have forgiven him if situation was reverse and would NEVER block him out of my social media so quickly, to me that is not love, if he had blocked me after some days i would understand but so quickly? how could that be love?
Because he is upset and probably shocked. I think it's not his love has vanished, so much as with your lie, he's seeing a different side of you that's different from the woman he thought he knew.Fear of him dumping you. Because if so, that probably offended him that you think so little of him to not be honest about an important part of your relationship. So, in addition to lying because you think he'll dump you, you also apparently think he's a womanizer who wants to hook you while simultaneously dating and sleeping around with other women. You just don't seem to think much of him at all huh? That may be something he's wondering about now. Your lack of faith, or trust seems to be an issue here.
He just blocked you because you kept hassling him, and being overbearing. If someone tells you they need space, give them space. When you keep calling, messaging, texting and staying in their face, it only serves to make them angrier because they just want to breathe and think, possibly on the relationship and/or their feelings and in turn, you won't quit nagging them.
In a relationship, family, friend, and romantic, everyone is gonna be upset or down sometimes, and in turn, will need some space and time to themselves, either in general, or because they're having an issue with the person. That has nothing to do with the other party, in the sense of "Why doesn't he just dump me then." He may dump you. Then again, he may forgive you, but he just needs space, time to think, and calm down and decide where his feelings are, and what he wants.
It's like if a married couple have a heated argument, one party may leave. That isn't the same as wanting a divorce and not loving the person. But the argument or issue has gotten bad, and they just need time apart and to get a breather from the other. My brother and his ex fiance did that. They had a huge argument. He came back home, stayed for over a week, then he and his girlfriend got back together. There's no wedding right now, but they are still together.
You justify your actions with "Everyone makes mistakes (lies.)" Well, in your boyfriend's case, everyone gets pissed off and needs space, which you weren't respecting, so he had to get forceful with blocking. He may call, text, or unblock you later. I think you will hear from him, and get an answer, but it will be when he's ready. Now, if you feel he's unfair and you don't wanna wait for him, that is on you to decide.
Last edited by HappyRain; 11-29-2014 at 05:27 PM..
If a woman lied to me that would be the end of the relationship. I don't care how I felt about her, one lie and I'm done with her. If a relationship is important to you, you do everything you can to make it better.
Because he is upset and probably shocked. I think it's not his love has vanished, so much as with your lie, he's seeing a different side of you that's different from the woman he thought he knew.Fear of him dumping you. Because if so, that probably offended him that you think so little of him to not be honest about an important part of your relationship. So, in addition to lying because you think he'll dump you, you also apparently think he's a womanizer who wants to hook you while simultaneously dating and sleeping around with other women. You just don't seem to think much of him at all huh? That may be something he'd wondering about now. Your lack of faith, or trust seems to be an issue here.
He just blocked you because you kept hassling him, and being overbearing. If someone tells you they need space, give them space. When you keep calling, messaging, texting and staying in their face, it only serves to make them angrier because they just want to breathe and think, possibly on the relationship and/or their feelings and in turn, you won't quit nagging them. In a relationship, family, friend, and romantic, everyone is gonna be upset or down sometimes, and in turn, will need some space and time to themselves, either in general, or because they're having an issue with the person. That has nothing to do with the other party, in the sense of "Why doesn't he just dump me then." He may dump you. Then again, he may forgive you, but he just needs space, time to think, and calm down and decide where his feelings are, and what he wants.
It's like if a married couple have a heated argument, one party may leave. That isn't the same as wanting a divorce and not loving the person. But the argument or issue has gotten bad, and they just need time apart and to get a breather from the other. My brother and his ex fiance did that. They had a huge argument. He came back home, stayed for over a week, then he and his girlfriend got back together. There's no wedding right now, but they are still together.
You justify your actions with "Everyone makes mistakes (lies.)" Well, in your boyfriend's case, everyone gets pissed off and needs space, which you weren't respecting, so he had to get forceful with blocking. He may call, text, or unblock you later. I think you will hear from him, and get an answer, but it will be when he's ready. Now, if you feel he's unfair and you don't wanna wait for him, that is on you to decide.
That was a nice post, it made me reflect about what could be going on in his mind right now.
It's not that i don't trust him, i'm insecure about relashionships because i was badly hurt in a past relashionship and then i found this guy that seemed to be absolutely perfect and had all the qualities i admired in a person so i couldn't help but feel insecure like "is that really true that such a perfect guy like him exists, he can't be 100% real?" or "what if i lost him where will i find someone else like him?", you know those kinda thoughts that lead someone to get more and more insecure.
Plus he always knew i was like that, from the very beginning of our relashionship i warned him that i was a little insecure so it's not like "fearing losing him" should be anything for him to be shocked over.
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